As I sit here-- sick with a cold and sweaty fever, unable to sleep, overwhelmed with tons of C++ homework that I'm lost in right now because the teacher is going so fast we don't have time to learn anything before we move to something else-- I had an epiphany of sorts. That ephiphany is this: I refuse to update! And you jokers can't force me to either. You can give me the 3rd degree, put me under bright lights, subject me to scoffings and slanderings, mock and ridicule, heartaches and woe. You can try peer pressure. You can spray me with a hose, give me a swirlie. You can even threaten to call me "Will Stupidson" as the wanna-be bully back in 3rd grade did. You can give me a purple nurple to my powerful pecs(AHAHAHAHAHAHA) or iron spikes to my oversized and vulnerable outer rib cage. You can threaten me with kidnapping me and forcing me to listen to Ellen and Oprah episodes all day(on second thought, please don't!). You can bring back that girl I kissed that had the horribly sour breath one time and stick her right up in my face again. You can make me have to live with Stacy Andrews all day in one of her "spazzing out, bad mood days"(just kidding Stacy ;-)). You can tie 20 ham hocks to my body and throw me overboard into the Gulf of Mexico. You can make me go on a first date with a girl and Cody Wright as the chauffeur(maybe a handful of you would know what I'm talking about). You can stick me in a giant tub of gravy with a starving Rosie O'Donnell nearby. You can force me to attend an Aubarn-Tinnersee football game. You can force me to have to photograph the "Girls of Jackson Drive circa 1998" pin-up calendar. You can make me have to drink a whole bottle of that disgusting Nyquil concoction that one of the guys let me borrow on our camping trip up the Smoky Mountains this past winter to try and force us to sleep, while we were soaking wet and FREEZING in a tent that wasn't waterproof, in 8 inches of snow, with 12 degree temperatures outside. You can make me relive that experience. You can make me go on a date with Ashli Slover(low blow, I know, but she'd say the same thing about me). You can force me to eat some of the marked-down ground meat in the old Winn-Dixie meat department I used to have to grind up(if you saw what went in that stuff...). You can force me to have to sit through a John Kerry/Al Gore interview and not bust out laughing. It doesn't matter! I won't budge! I refuse to update! So, how do you like that? See... I guess I showed you a thing or 2! Made you look silly! Bet you won't bother me about updating again, cuz I aint gonna do it. Nuh-uh! No way! Who's the Stupidson now?!

Everyione is invited to the upcoming cookout/campout this coming Friday(the 26th) just south of Pulaski, TN. This is about 5 miles north of the AL/TN state line. It is located on the property of Michael Merritt's family. It is kind of difficult to find so I will send out an email with detailed directions as soon as I'm able to get all of them together. I will try and get there around 5 o'clock for any that want to get there early. For those that do come early, there is a nice cave nearby that is pretty fun to explore. If you plan on coming, bring the following...

* a snack or drink
* a sleeping bag and tent if you plan to stay the night(unless you know someone else is going to have a multiple-person's tent)
* a change of clothes if you plan on getting in the cave(it can be quite dirty in there)
* a lawn chair(it doesn't look like I will have the means to be able to provide all the chairs)
* some bug spray is always a good idea to have in the south in the Spring
* games, cards, fun stuff... Make sure there will be decks of cards and board games and other fun stuff to play.
* One or 2 people might wanna bring a card table
* Flash light.. There definitely need to be plenty of flashlights to go around.

Here are some things to keep in mind:
* This place is WAYYYYY out in the country, so you will not be able to pick up a signal on your cell phone most likely. Mine seems to pick up almost anywhere so it might(Cingular), but from what I recall almost none of them do.

*Once I send out the directions, make SURE you print them off or something like that and keep them very handy. This place is not easy to find.

* There is a little creek that you have to cross over to get from the road/parking area to the campsite. So you will be a few hundred feet away from your vehicle. A good 4-wheel drive is needed to get people across the creek. So if any of you with good trucks are around, we may need to borrow your vehicle a time or 2. :)

* Guys bring a football to throw around. For those that show up early there shoudl still be a little sunlight for a while, and of course Saturday for those that stay the night. Also feel free to bring baseball gloves and baseballs, frisbees, horseshoes, croquet or whatever other outdoor sports game you can think of.

Ok, everyone is invited. And you are more than welcome to bring a friend/friends. The more, the merrier as far as I'm concerned! Hope many many of you can make it!

Please respond either to this blog, to the email that I'm going to send out with the directions, or call my cell and let me know if you're planning to come.

For the purpose of this and for any problems with directions on Friday, or if you just wanna talk;-), my cell phone number is (256)-431-1704.

Let's set the starting point for those that wanna show up early at 5 or a little after.

Here are a few things that have occurred to me this weekend.

1) I think it's high time I change my hair style. I've had this same "cheap weave" look going for several years now. It is time to spice things up. Nah, I'm not really talking about "peacock spiking" and dyeing my hair some unnatural color of the rainbow. But I did see an interesting look the other day. It is the "inverted bunny ears" mullet. It is basically an "Achey Breaky Bad Mistakey" hairdo where the hair veers off into two rat-tail like objects in the back on either side of center. I think maybe I could finally make it into the realm of "stud" by doing this, so I am going to give it a try.

2) While subbing at Athens Middle School the other day, there were many kids who actd up. So, I decided to flip a coin to determine a few of the kids' fate. One of the kids happened to be one of the girls from church at Jackson Drive, where I attend. I don't think her step-mother was too thrilled about it. So I guess I must think of some new ways to determine punishment. It is going to be one of 2 things. It will either be a Spin-the-bottle or the ever-so-diabolical Wheel of Consternation. I'm not even 100 percent sure what consternation is, but it sounds devastatingly affective. So I will now break down the 2 possibilities. Any feedback would be appreciated.

A) The Spin the Bottle method- This method involves a kid that has already gotten in trouble. I will require the kid to get in the floor, while some other kids that have been "borderline" on their behavior gather in a circle. The kid will then spin the bottle(much in the same way the teenie bopper saliva-swapping version of the game is played), and whoever the bottle is pointing at upon completion of the spin has to incur the same punishment. However, this kid will get a double-or-nothing coin flip option. For example, if the punishment is 100 sentences, I will flip a coin, allow him to call it in the air, and depending on the result either have to write 200 sentences or do nothing. This is the first method.

B) The ever-so-diabolical Wheel of Consternation method- This method involves, once again, a problem child. If I can't think of a suitable punishment, I will use this method. I will take a piece of cardboard paper, draw a large pie chart on it, and put a little arrow-like thing in the center. I will then spin the wheel(which will include 8 punishment options on it) to determine the child's fate. The 8 punishment possibilities will be among the following 1)100 sentences on respect and how swell a substitute Mr Stevenson is 2) Sit in the corner of the room with a large orange parking cone on his/her head. 3)Copy a phone book for the rest of the day. 4) Sit out in the hall with a large orange parking cone on his/her head. 5. Hold the wall up(stand against the wall in a squatting position for the entirety of class). 6)Scrape gum off the bottom of desks and clean out the little slots on the desks where the pencils go. 7)100 sentences plus a FREE SPIN 8) The deluxe package... This is a combination of all of the above punishments.

I personally prefer the ever-so-diabolical Wheel of Consternation, but am open to suggestions. What say ye?

3) The Forrest Gump soundtrack is the greatest soundtrack of all time, bar none! Not even close or up for debate. There will likely never be a soundtrack this good.

4) My friend Daniel(osix on here) has probably the best collection of Barry Manilow, Boy George, and James Taylor music of anyone I know. So if you or anyone is interested in getting a copy of any of this, contact him.

5) Spring Extravaganza 2006 is coming up! If I haven't mentioned it yet, we will be having a campout and bonfire in the north Alabama/southern Tennessee area on Friday, May 26th if you're interested in coming. Here are some of the events planned. I know I mentioned some of these to a few of you, but I will elaborate on those now! We will be having:
--- midget toss
--- circus freaks!
--- Michael Merritt(miklm) and Daniel Lynn will entertain us with mellow bagpipe music.
--- Shane Bonner(enahs on here) will yodle for us and do some Russian gigolo polka dancing. This is where the guy squats down, folds his arms in front of him and starts kicking his legs outward to the tune of Russian yo-ho-ho music. You know how it goes!
--- We will play Kings, Barbarians, Warlords, and Rogues. This game is a lot of fun!
--- There will be a pin-the-tail-on-Josh-Davis event. My good friend, Josh has agreed to this, so this will be one of the more anticipated events!
--- Robin Wright will tell spooky ghost stories about ghastly ghouls and creepy apparitions! And let me tell ya, she has some goodies!
--- I will put on a Herculean display of strength event that will leave your mouth agape! ;-)
--- There will be a pep band there honoring Michael Merritt's goodness and there will be a donation fund set up in his name for excellent community service in the community. (As opposed to excellent community service outside the community I guess)
--- Cody Wright has challenged all to an "Armpit Farting Free-for-All" competition. Put in 1 dollar with the opportunity to win 5 dollars in return for beating him! He told me he is currently practicing right now, so gear up!
--- Probably will be horseshoes, croquets, cards, and a frozen fish toss as well.

So I'm 3/4 of the way kidding about some of this, but there really will be a bonfire and campout. I will post more details later and send a few personal invites when the time is right!

5) I could really go for some seafood right now. And I just ate a big meal a couple hours ago. I think I could demolish a nice plate of catfish and shrimp right now. What this has to do with anything, I don't know.

6) I hope these illegal immigrants protesting tomorrow have a pink slip waiting for them when they get back to work. What a joke!

Well, you just wasted several minutes of your life reading this mindless poppycock. How does it feel? ;-)

So now I'm out... like an albino in spotlight tag. I am bored with typing and will try to resist my craving of food, and may instead jog my 3 miles. 2nd graders in the morning!

THE END

Just a few things...

1) I will eat fried chicken WITH MY HANDS on a date, and she will either like it or not.(Well, I guess those are the only 2 options anyway, but I digress...) Who eats it with a fork anyways? If it's gotten to the point to where people are so flippin superficial that a little grease on your hands(and I'm not talking about really sloppy, I'm talking about a LITTLE grease) bothers them, then find someone else to have them burn money on you. I actually had a female friend look at me like I was crazy for doing this a week or so ago. So I heard the "Don't ever eat chicken on a date" nonsense. Come on.. you've GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I will eat my chicken with my hands and I will pluck it clean. I am not a hog, but I have a big appetite. And I will eat like it's intended to be eaten. Not as a timid show, because someone's too scared to make it look like they enjoy a meal. Lighten up, people. Be yourself! If you're a girl, don't make it look like you're a stinkin anoxexic just because you're afraid of what the guy might think because you clean your plate. Just think about how ridiculous that is!

2) Waking up to the sound of stampeding cattle is sort of fun. This has only happened on a handful of occasions, but I enjoy this. I have always liked cows for some reason. They are peaceful, graceful creatures, much like myself. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one, self.

3) If you want to experience the Shangri-La(Gaylord, if you're looking in, this means a perfect or near-perfect place) of Redneckism, head on down to Talladega for the big race this weekend. Hang out with 200,000 or so of them, as a matter of fact. The race itself is awesome to see in person. But stay in the humongous camp-out area the night before. It is the Mardi Gras of rednecks(even more so than a Tinnersee game at Knee-land Stadium). It's an experience you will never ever forget. Mostly for the bad.

4) So.. a guy opening a door for a girl has officially gained the title of being "chivalrous" by many that I have seen on here. Hmm, this word is kind of annoying. I mean.. I always open doors and such and try to be gentlemanly. But, chivalrous?? As in medieval tales of knights and young maidens and blah blah love stories and what-not? So, let me get this straight. Opening a car door for a girl is CHIVALROUS? Hmm, very interesting. I pretty much always do this. But, to be honest, I've been asked "Why did you do that? I don't want a guy opening a door for me" on numerous occasions. Make up your minds! This thread may be the most pointless thing I ever will post on here(and that's saying a lot), but something about that word "chivalrous" used in that context just doesn't seem right. Simply, "gentlemanly" seems to suffice.

And I know this is a whole lot about nothing. And some of this is perhaps needless banter, tripe, hogwash, nonsense, blather, pish-posh, jargon, malarkey, and drivel. But, maybe it helped pass the time in an otherwise slow time of the day for you. Or maybe you simply moved on to someone else's blog without getting to this point. Whatever the case, I probably don't have as many "pet peeves" as I make it look like here. I am simply typing as things come to mind. That is all for now. I'd rather be lazy for the next hour and watch ball games and maybe nap like all guys should do on Sunday afternoons.

My grandmother, Marjorie Stevenson, passed away at 1:30 this afternoon. Thank you all so much for your messages, concerns, and prayers. I will not forget this.

The arrangements for the funeral and visitation have been made for any that might be interested. Visitation is tomorrow night(Friday) from 6-9 at Limestone Chapel Funeral Home. The funeral is set for 11 o'clock Saturday morning. The location is right off the interstate on Hwy.31. If anyone needs to contact for directions or info, my cell # is (256)431-1704. I keep it on 24/7. Thanks again!

Will