Like Black on Pleonast

at 01/28/09 4:20PM
April often complains that I don't make enough noise. This usually comes after I've entered a room unbeknownst to her, then say something and scare her out of her shoes. I maintain that I don't make any more noise than I need to, though I have offered to wear a bell around my neck because I'm growing weary of being attacked.

Last night I went into a gas station to use the rest room. As I left the men's room, two people behind the counter looked at me incredulously and asked "Where did you come from? Did you come in the back door? I thought that was locked!" No, I had come in through the front door, right in front of the counter. Oh, and by the way, there's a dead man with a very surprised look on his face behind the slushie machine. (P.S. not really. I didn't say that.)

A few weeks ago I was at a clinic, waiting alone in the lobby. Another patient entered and signed in. From the back, one of the doctors on duty called out to her to say that it would just be a minute. I realized that the doctor was addressing her as if he thought she was alone. Soon enough he came to the front, picked up the sign-in pad and was quite surprised to see two names on the list. He craned his neck around the corner to find me sitting there quietly. "I didn't know you were there," he said. "You're too quiet," he said. "You need to make more noise," he said. "I'm a ninja on the weekends," I said.

I need to find a good use for my surreptitiousness. April said I should use my skills for good and not for scaring. What do you think?

Ok. Bye.
  • benb
    with great quiet comes great responsibility.
    by benb at 01/28/09 4:21PM
  • cbonk
    :) So, now we know it's not just April, at least!
    by cbonk at 01/28/09 4:23PM
  • slave_of_jesus_jdb
    "A ninja on the weekends." I love it.
    by slave_of_jesus_jdb at 01/28/09 4:34PM
  • heatheronthehill
    This made me laugh out loud multiple times. :) Maybe you could look into a career in espionage. That would be exciting! I'm sure your super-stealth comes in handy whilst caching!
    by heatheronthehill at 01/28/09 4:41PM
  • mjintexas
    I agree. And ninja on weekends is awesome. :)
    by mjintexas at 01/28/09 4:47PM
  • matthew_and_brooke
    I'm with April... Matthew has been sneaking up on me for years.
    by matthew_and_brooke at 01/28/09 4:49PM
  • comade
    that is kind of creepy...
    by comade at 01/28/09 4:53PM
  • jodimn
    This is funny! You must be quiet.
    by jodimn at 01/28/09 4:54PM
  • dbsmelser
    Who are you? What?? Someone married my niece???
    by dbsmelser at 01/28/09 5:50PM
  • dbsmelser
    "for good and not for scaring" - great line. :)
    by dbsmelser at 01/28/09 5:51PM
  • tweedledee
    lol! This is hilarious!! That's cool tho'... what could you do?
    by tweedledee at 01/28/09 6:31PM
  • mattmanua
    You probably know that I would still use my skills for scaring. I would just make sure I was out of range when I did so. :)
    by mattmanua at 01/28/09 7:07PM
  • nycami
    Don does that all the time and it makes me crazy! I call it skulking around!
    by nycami at 01/28/09 10:39PM
  • schmidtkins
    well, I used to scare my sister on purpose, and paid the painful price a few times, so my advice would not be very helpful, I am afraid! Funny stuff, though!
    by schmidtkins at 01/28/09 11:52PM
  • aleta
    If it weren't for your name lighting up, we'd NEVER know you posted, either!

    I think you need to wear a bright light.
    by aleta at 01/29/09 9:48AM
  • daddio6
    catburglar, mime, assasin, nightwatchman, or librarian.
    by daddio6 at 01/29/09 3:27PM
  • mayflower
    You could become an FBI agent.
    by mayflower at 01/29/09 7:55PM
  • meg
    I think the bell could come in handy. Or maybe something more sensitive to movements you can't help...like a heartbeat megaphone or a breathing sound magnifier.
    by meg at 01/30/09 11:59PM
  • vande
    You seem to already be putting your skills to good use. Now that I think of it I would say you always had these skills and are perhaps now just more aware of them. My advise is don't abuse your gift.
    by vande at 01/31/09 9:02AM