This will be day five in the new apartment and day four on the new job.
So far nothing completely eventful or horrible or wonderful has happened on either front.
Almost nothing has happened honestly.
I just feel somewhere in between to lives..
In the meantime, my mind has had quite a few things to dwell on.
Currently my brother is trying to find the truth...He has been a Christian since he was 14 but has recently struggled with questioning whether he hs just accepted this way of life or truly believed it. I want so badly for him to believe in it. I thought I was helping by trying to supply him with verses, and materials I have read myself, or others have told me about.
But, why is that that the truth, which should be the easiest thing to talk about and ought to bring peace between people often is the cause of such heartache, frustration, and conflict?
Well - I know why - but I dont understand why it is so. We all come to it tainted....we come with something we want to prove, we come with something we have an opinion about, we come to it with experiences and heartache and conflict in our hearts....we are imperfect and influenced, and selfish...and it aches my soul.
Last night a lady that I deeply admire and that has been a great teacher for me was taken off life-support. I know that the greatest thing I can do to honor her is to ne led by her example, and to put away the selfish nature that I have let lead me in the past.
Hold me to that!
Writing today would be a waste of webspace.
Just wanted to say hi to all
I will post again soon.
One more day down, one day closer to moving day. Last night was completely uneventful - but I think I needed that.
I have been trying to see everyone and do everything before I go , and then try to pack when I get home. Last night I decided not to miss ANOTHER night of sleep and just pack my things.
Everyday there I seem to remember one more thing Im going to miss about good ole Austin TX, and about five things Im excited about being in Dallas, and about ten things that I absolutely have to get done and cant believe it hasnt crossed my mind...
I am such a worry wort!!! My New Years resolution - starting in mid-August :) - is that I will worry less, apologize less, and just enjoy the good things more.
Todays post could be another horrible rant like the last. But instead I would like to just take a minute to remind myself, and whoever may want to read some great things about life:
1. A Christian Family - I am about to leave one and it didnt quite hit me last night that even though I am moving closer to be with my physical family, I am leaving behind 200 brothers and sisters in Christ...wonderful people!
2. Surprises - I go around expecting too much sometimes. Its harder to find joy if you are disappointed by unmet but unfoiunded expectations from people. But the greatest thing is when those expectations do no exist, and someone is thoughtful of you anyways. My good friend Dianna Windham reminded me of this last night, when a girls night of "just the three of us" turned into a wonderful gathering of old and new friends. It was the first time anyone has ever thrown me a surprise party, and it was just fabulous!
3. A feeling of Home: not the actual walls and roof - although so so grateful for that too. But here are some places that I felt at home yesterday: Staring at a 40ft. Waterfall from the middle of a spring, realizing Gods awesome care and wonder, Hugging my friend Judy and feeling comfort for the first time after a LONG day, my soft and pillowy bed after a big day of goodbyes, packing, and miscellaneous fun and stress it was such a comfort.
This quick entry has very quickly become a pretty long one...whew...God Bless...
You tell 'em Sarah McLaughlin!
Lets start with all the good updates - and then Ill fill you in on the heartfelt sing along with ms. sarah.
1. Last Night I grilled for the first time!
Meat, Charcoal, Marinades, Matches and all - I was totally awesome at it too ;)
2. I had friends over I hadnt seen in weeks/months. And it all went to well - seven conversations going at once, laughing, serious talk, wonderful! I loved it!
3. A total stranger told me a I was beautiful last night! :) :) :) (really made my night!)
4. Today if Friday and PAYDAY! fabulous!
5. I have so much packed already - a lot to go, but off to a good start!
6. This isnt so much as good update- but good question, that im excited to have the oppportunity to ask - DOES ANYONE HAVE SUGGESTIONS OF WHERE I SHOULD ATTEND SERVICES WHEN I MOVE TO NORTH DALLAS?
Ok - now the gripe - and this is totally a gripe on myself for letting myself think and feel this way - and I was driving this morning and the song on the radio CERTAINLY FIT - it was that new SM song :Stupid:
I have this neighbor (male, ex-marine, so nice), and over the last three months or so we have started hanging out ALOT. All of my friends think we are dating, and I keep denying, although have found myself not denying as vehemently over the last month...
I have so so much fun with him, and so many times have to stop and ask - "are we on a date?! no... well....hmmm...are we?"
But NO we havent been on a date according what he told a girl a couple of weeks ago - and here is where the gripe begins!!!!
Why does he tell me about girls hitting on him? and WHY does it bother me so much if I know wer are just friends?!
and If it bothers me WHY am I so afraid to mess up the little that we do have by asking WHY he is not bothered to tell me about this, and to tell him that I AM - if we are friends I shouldnt have to cover this up - I should be able to slap him on the back of the head?!
And how silly is it that I have only known him for a few months, and I have let him really start to mean a lot ot me - I am usually smarter.
Ok - probably more than I should have shared in a Blog...but I was really ticked off last night at myself for getting mad when he invited another girl to MY grilling party :) and its sad because I feel like i have no right to - do i?
And I was ticked because I let that affect how much fun I was having - although I still had an amazing time - and got over it most of the time. I just dont like it when my female-ness takes over and I start feeling protective, territorial, and catty about a situation! (totally not like me, but I do have those X chromosomes)...
Anyways- I really shouldnt be giving this so much thought - Im moving in ONE WEEK - eek! so so so much to do...and so so so many things to be happy and excited about!
My wish to all of you for today is that you have wonderfully non-confusing relationships with beautifully defined boundaries, and only minor frustration!