and so it is...just like you said it would be...

at 01/12/07 12:14AM
snow

expectations only disappoint
and patience never out lasts temptation-
unless you lose all you ever hoped to gain.

unless He holds the weights of your heart
in His hands
what are you waiting for?
when you are meant to be pursued
who's feet do we cast ourselves down at
what idols hide in our closets?
living this life should be a life worth living…

and with every chilled rain drop
splattered against my face
is another reminder of how far I am from grace.
the entirety of it all
could be my downfall…

yet here I still stand, here I still dance with joy
the surrounding world cannot touch me-

and i never knew the snow
to be so deceivingly soft.

Psalm 27:14

realizations that you didn't know you could realize,
the kind that painfully blindside you
to slowly open your mind's eye revealing truths,
have struck me to my core again.

"wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
and He shall strengthen your heart"

Suppose patience and fearless acts
have faded from determination?
Who then will I live for?
And what a wretched question to ask.

Although how could blame be placed on me
to cover me as twisted barbed wires
When prayers for my heart to be strengthened
to be guarded
to be left alone,
so as to feel what would only be known as whole,
seem unanswered.

What does it take?
Reveal only a glimpse and I will have found
my way
my strength
my everything

All the great minds of His
claim it to be the simplest.
So then why does my mind question
and myself feel unanswered?

desert desertions

night time lights to guide us out
these trips have always been the transitional kind
the transforming kind
driving across the barren sand
ive forgotten how
the ceiling's stripped of any hindrance
to slow us
to steadily bring us to our knees-
i remember now
that this is how God meant for his creations to be seen
naked, pure, shimmering in simple beauty
just existing...
i cannot breathe.
it takes all my energy to stay on the paved pathway-
ive stopped counting the imposed dash-marks of man
i want to count these stars
thinking maybe if i learned their number
i'd be better understanding of the vastness of God
how can something so far removed
move me?
It is here i let go of the things that had hindered me
it is here i remember
to simply exist
i remember myself
and to desert everything else-
in doing so
i feel i have counted the stars
or at least come so close to God
that His constellations become me
and i am held steadfast within Him.
  • ctburks
    Romans / 1 Corinthians / 1-2Peter,James,Jude / Introduction to Christian Evidences / Religious Philosophy / 1-2 Thessalonians / Latin
    by ctburks at 01/12/07 7:48AM
  • momster
    Darcy, how is life in Oregon?
    by momster at 01/12/07 9:03AM
  • dreamofgenie
    hey kiddo, have talked to you in a while. How's it going?
    by dreamofgenie at 02/05/07 7:20PM

11/30/06 11:04PM

maybe this morning you woke up
tangled between the sheets
and you realized that your life, isnt what you thought it was

and what it had been,
is easily forgotten-like the terrors your mind unleashes
when you are, with your eyes involuntarily shut, most vulnerable

such nonsensical things dissapear with ease.
your first childhood bully is only a ghost. ditto your first true heartache.
the first scar you got from falling out of the tree,
down the stairs,
off your bike,
the doctors never believed it anyways.

maybe this morning you woke up
with your head out of sorts
your body not ready to connect with this cruel wasteland
as if your bones had spent the enitre night swimming
through the oceans of angel's tears and melted moonbeams
while your soul stretched out over open flames of revelations to come.

maybe this morning you woke up
and realized that no one here speaks right.
no one here lives as they should
and that our actions weigh so much greater against us
than we could have ever imagined.

it's this weight that makes you hit the snooze
your mind refusing to stay put in such foreign lands
refusing to believe in the reflection that makes you recoil
after nights like these, and those, and the ones youve lived until now

because maybe this morning you woke up and realized
that now no one could follow the maps of your memories
such nonsensical things dissapear with ease.
like the foundation you thought was so stable
has now crumbled
the back stabbing best friend
the cheating lover
the dissapointment of the human race
and of yourself.

maybe when you woke up this morning
tangled between the sheets
your first thought was how this life was not worth living...

only to realize
that it is how youre living that makes your life worth something.
and you let your naked toes set themselves against the wicked earth.
  • brianne
    I miss you! Wow! Snow...yeah, I don't like it...but for someone who's never been in it all the time, it's cool.
    by brianne at 12/01/06 12:27AM
  • brianne
    Merry Christmas!
    by brianne at 12/25/06 11:06AM
  • ctburks
    what've you been reading as of late?
    by ctburks at 01/05/07 4:52AM
  • ctburks
    life has been pretty sweet - i've been doing tremendous amounts of reading myself, getting prepped for classes and now trying to keep my head above water in those classes :)
    by ctburks at 01/11/07 8:10AM

11/06/06 9:10PM

TIDE
Spill Canvas

And there's three, count 'em three
children playing on the beach
They were eager to learn,
to be taught and to teach

There's Veronica
She's biting her lip
as she watches the waves turn white at the tip
And there's Vada
Radiating with joy
and luckily she still can't stand the sight of a boy
And lastly there's Dade
His hair dances in the wind
and he's wondering what love is
And why it has to end

And he can't understand
how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends
His mother whispers quietly...
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax
so forget anything that you have heard
and live for the moment now

And there's three, count 'em three
children growing on the beach
They were eager to learn,
to be taught and to teach

There's Veronica
She's licking her lips
as she waits for her real, first passionate kiss
And there's Vada
Can't admit her jealousy
of her sister Veronica,
and how she's so pretty (and how she's so pretty)
Lastly there's Dade
Still sitting on the dock
He ponders his life, and he skips his rocks
And he wonders when his father will return
but he's not coming back

And he can't understand
how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends
His mother whispers quietly...
Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard (forget everything)

And there's three, count 'em three
children missing from the beach
They were eager to learn,
to be taught and to teach

But the sad thing
is that they never lived passed the age of fifteen
due to neglect from their mother
Who was bed ridden by her ex-lover, their father
She didn't even notice, or pay much attention
as the tide came in and swept her three into the ocean
Now all her advice, it seems useless

No, heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you touch her and you feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love's completely real, so forget anything that you have heard
and live for the moment now
  • brianne
    Happy Thanksgiving!
    by brianne at 11/23/06 10:38AM

and the leaves fall...

at 10/13/06 2:38AM
cascading ever so gracefully
how do they have the perfect timing
knowing when to let go
and let gravity

you would think
that the great Almighty forseer
would have given us such a sense of timing
to know when it was ok to let go
to fall
so calmly away
to let go
and let gravity

but here i am
running out of time
these seashore tides
washing me away
these gravitational moons of you
revolve me away
bring me into the brand new day

im lost without you
adrift midsea
with no constellations to steer by
make me a star within your constellations
i want to be held steadfast with you
because
i have no perfect timing
of knowing when to let go
and let gravity


09/09/06 8:18PM

Mae concert.
tonight at 8.
only $15.
i love it here in Portland.

slowly, ever so slowly,
things are falling into place
as gracefully as the leaves
are now falling to the earth


***************************************
and it was amaaaaaaazing!
  • kiss_the_rain
    Oh man.. Mae.

    they're the best
    by kiss_the_rain at 10/02/06 11:47PM