Thank you :)
Thank you everyone for all your responses! I thought eventually that you'd find me again, lol but thank you for checking...it was God :)
I have something that I'm interested in getting your perspective on and your advice. To put it bluntly and honestly...I'm in a battle right now for the soul of a friend of mine. We have been friends for little over 20 years. I feel I need to give you some background of her situation so you can understand better. Okay, she has experienced much of the same things that I have in life. She too was never married to the father of her children. She was with him for many years, most of which he was always away working. She endured much with this him on top of him being an alcholic. He made/makes a very good living so my friend got very used to the lifestyle he provided her.
At least five years ago, she befriended some neighbours and ended up having an affair with the husband. She was very good friends with the wife as well and this went on for a couple years and until she ended it on a physical level with the husband. She always told me that she became best friends with him, but realized that it wouldn't/couldn't ever work between them as she knew he would not leave the comfortable life he was having...although he was pretty much living seperated from his wife/girlfriend. His girlfriend suspected there was something going on and accused them of it towards the end and at that point both women stopped being friends. My friend said that she continued to have an emotional connection with him, emailing and talking on the phone...but never met for physical encounters. (remember I"m just giving the facts here, obvious conclusions of whether or not any of this is right or makes sense, goes without saying). Their daughters are/were best friends as well. So...while she was still barely having any connection with this man and remaining in living relationship with her boyfriend/father of kids...she started toying with the idea of getting to know her son's hockey coach better. She was clearly attracted to him but knew that he was married and truly seemed to not want to get involved with a married man again. It seemed as though she had learned her lesson the first time and how it felt being the other woman...not good. As time went on....she, I guess, spoke less and less to other man and grew closer and closer to the coach....following me? at first it started 'innocently' by joining the whole team for drinks after a game at times throughout the year and then their kids became friends and they started to see more of each other due to the kids.
Last year sometime, or roughly six months ago.....the first guy, brought all of the affair into the open, to get even with her for being with the new guy. He called my friend's boyfriend/husband (whom she was still living with), and called her family to tell of the news. She lives in a small community so it wasn't long before quite a few people that she knows...knew. Everything was brough out into the open...well, almost. She would not admit to an all out affair..only that she allowed herself to get too close to him, and not in a physical sense.
Quite some time before things came out, she had been attending a local community church and truly seemed to start having a belief in God...or sometimes it seemed as though she believed in a higher being but didn't want to believe in all the other stuff like heaven or hell. We had discussions on God and spirituality and within the last year seemed to believe more in God. I don't think she wants to live any rules and the church she goes to preaches a very light and fluffy sense of following God...kind of most things go because of God's grace and forgiveness etc....not based on being baptized into His family etc. I've attended churches like that one before so I have and have had friends who attend, so I have a good sense of what they believe and don't believe. Anyway, I'm not sure how much being caught in an affair pricked her conscience with God...but more of how a sense of it not being right from a worldly sense...which is better than nothing to start right?
Throughout this time, we have had many discussions on God and doing what's right and so on. When everything came out, her now ex, made it very hard on her. She ended up moving out their house (one they had been renovating for a couple years and was finally finished) and in with her parents. Her mother and father are not religious people, but have very good morals and made it very clear that they were disappointed and ashamed of her behaviour. With all this going on, and her chance to come completely clean...she still hid the absolute truth to save any shred of her I reptuation...although they all assumed the truth anyway. It was all her pride...like most of us right? right.
I kept trying to have conversations with her about ending it with the coach as well, trying to make her realize that she is much more valuable to God than to be caught up in an affair and to be the other woman. I don't know how much she truly contemplated it, and if she did, it wasn't for long. Things are moreso settled for her now...she almsot has everything arranged with her ex...he has given her the old house ($400,000 +) and moved into his own. She never did come clean about the affair. The coach is typical in that he just wants her and not what is best for her, he goes along with whatever she wants...which really is the only way she'll let it be anyway. Her parents know that she is involved with the coach and again have made it clear that they don't like who she's become and that they aren't approving of her spending time with him cause he's married. The coach, in the process of knowing my friend shared with her that his marriage has been over for years. My friend lies to herself and thinks that she was and is not the catalyst of that marriage now ending. I don't know what planet she is living on. If he is telling her that, she is lying. I've told her that....but you cannot convince someone who just wants to live selfishly...it seems that way anyway.
I've learned much about her over this past year. I know she's not a christian and I love her...but I'm really sad to see who she's become...maybe she was this way all along and it's me who's moving on. I see in her the love of money and doing/compromising/convincing herself of whatever, so she can have the life she wanted a long time ago. She's been wanting to be away from her ex for years but didn't want all the attention it would cause and didn't want to lose the comforts of life. Now, she has the money. I admit, that I was jealous becasue she will receive $4500 - $5000 a month in child support because he makes so much. BUT, now I realize that God provides so much more for me..and offers so much more than physical wealth...and I wouldn't want it if I had to get it that way anyway. I will likely never get child support...but God does support my child and me...and that's eternal.
Anyway, in the winter, we made plans to go camping together. It was to be me/Justin and her and her kids. She told me two days before we left that she would have to bring the kids home half way thru' because it was her ex's weekend...she didn't want to cause any more waves cause she didn't get her money yet. She also wanted to come back up with the coach and stay on our site. I wasnt' havin' it and told her that it was probably best that she didnt' go at all and that it was disrespectful of her to think that was okay and not even ask. In the end, we agreed that she would come up with the kids for five days and then go home. I got home on the 18th of July and haven't talked to her much since. We spoke once on the phone and she was telling me about how her mother didn't approve of her going away with the coach for the weekend. I had nothing to say, there was just silence. She knows I don't approve of her being with him.
I don't know what to do. I don't know when or if I should let go. I know that when I'm with her, I feel dragged down...like I'm with someone who is so prideful that she doesn't want to live for God...she likes the 'feel good' classes at church and somehow because she does good things in the community and that she tries to teach basic good morals to her kids like be nice to others...that it does it for her.
Who am I to judge? I was the other woman years ago too. I also slipped back after this man left his family and became a christian and was immoral with him! my friend knows all this too...she knows of my past sins. She also knows that this man goes to my church...and that we are no longer involved in a relationship in that way (whole other story). I cannot describe in words or in a short amount of time, all that I have learned from the affair that I was tangled up in....or the year that I was seperated from him...or the time in which he sought me out and eventually came to know the Lord. He has paid some of the price of being in an affair with me also. He lost his family and can never again be in a sexual, husband/wife relationship. My connection with him has been the biggest life changing/learning experience outside of being a mother. I can't tell you how much it makes sense now, but I'm still learning. I've made some really corrupt choices, I"ve hurt many people.....................but I won't go back to that sin ever again. Even after I knew better, though, I still allowed myself to get caught up in sin again with this man. That was a few years ago....and although I know I am opening up myself to judgement here...I know in my heart somehow that this is an example of God working horrible things out for the good. I can't say if he would have ever found God if this didn't happen. All in all, he has God now and is working at it but will always live with it...as will I in my own way. At this point, we are friends...I know that seems impossible or maybe even wrong. I don't tell you these things to casue you to judge me or to sugar coat anything I've done. I believe that I do serve a godly purpose in his life and nothing more than that. I am glad that He has God. I can't expect my friend to know that...she knows we are friends so anything I say to her, she feels she can justify thru' that....and I guess she can.
I don't know what to do at this point. So, that is the background. I have another friend from high school that I've been chatting a bit with on fb about spiritual things...it seems that so many are caught up in this 'energy' belief...not in God Himself. What resources do you use....to start with....to show through human literature/science that God and the bible are true? when I speak to these people, I need to be prepared, so I'm trying to study to show myself approved. Now, we are talking about people who may not even believe that the bible is real...it would be helpful to have things that they may relate to as 'evidence'. All I can do is try...but I want to be ready and informed....please help.
I have something that I'm interested in getting your perspective on and your advice. To put it bluntly and honestly...I'm in a battle right now for the soul of a friend of mine. We have been friends for little over 20 years. I feel I need to give you some background of her situation so you can understand better. Okay, she has experienced much of the same things that I have in life. She too was never married to the father of her children. She was with him for many years, most of which he was always away working. She endured much with this him on top of him being an alcholic. He made/makes a very good living so my friend got very used to the lifestyle he provided her.
At least five years ago, she befriended some neighbours and ended up having an affair with the husband. She was very good friends with the wife as well and this went on for a couple years and until she ended it on a physical level with the husband. She always told me that she became best friends with him, but realized that it wouldn't/couldn't ever work between them as she knew he would not leave the comfortable life he was having...although he was pretty much living seperated from his wife/girlfriend. His girlfriend suspected there was something going on and accused them of it towards the end and at that point both women stopped being friends. My friend said that she continued to have an emotional connection with him, emailing and talking on the phone...but never met for physical encounters. (remember I"m just giving the facts here, obvious conclusions of whether or not any of this is right or makes sense, goes without saying). Their daughters are/were best friends as well. So...while she was still barely having any connection with this man and remaining in living relationship with her boyfriend/father of kids...she started toying with the idea of getting to know her son's hockey coach better. She was clearly attracted to him but knew that he was married and truly seemed to not want to get involved with a married man again. It seemed as though she had learned her lesson the first time and how it felt being the other woman...not good. As time went on....she, I guess, spoke less and less to other man and grew closer and closer to the coach....following me? at first it started 'innocently' by joining the whole team for drinks after a game at times throughout the year and then their kids became friends and they started to see more of each other due to the kids.
Last year sometime, or roughly six months ago.....the first guy, brought all of the affair into the open, to get even with her for being with the new guy. He called my friend's boyfriend/husband (whom she was still living with), and called her family to tell of the news. She lives in a small community so it wasn't long before quite a few people that she knows...knew. Everything was brough out into the open...well, almost. She would not admit to an all out affair..only that she allowed herself to get too close to him, and not in a physical sense.
Quite some time before things came out, she had been attending a local community church and truly seemed to start having a belief in God...or sometimes it seemed as though she believed in a higher being but didn't want to believe in all the other stuff like heaven or hell. We had discussions on God and spirituality and within the last year seemed to believe more in God. I don't think she wants to live any rules and the church she goes to preaches a very light and fluffy sense of following God...kind of most things go because of God's grace and forgiveness etc....not based on being baptized into His family etc. I've attended churches like that one before so I have and have had friends who attend, so I have a good sense of what they believe and don't believe. Anyway, I'm not sure how much being caught in an affair pricked her conscience with God...but more of how a sense of it not being right from a worldly sense...which is better than nothing to start right?
Throughout this time, we have had many discussions on God and doing what's right and so on. When everything came out, her now ex, made it very hard on her. She ended up moving out their house (one they had been renovating for a couple years and was finally finished) and in with her parents. Her mother and father are not religious people, but have very good morals and made it very clear that they were disappointed and ashamed of her behaviour. With all this going on, and her chance to come completely clean...she still hid the absolute truth to save any shred of her I reptuation...although they all assumed the truth anyway. It was all her pride...like most of us right? right.
I kept trying to have conversations with her about ending it with the coach as well, trying to make her realize that she is much more valuable to God than to be caught up in an affair and to be the other woman. I don't know how much she truly contemplated it, and if she did, it wasn't for long. Things are moreso settled for her now...she almsot has everything arranged with her ex...he has given her the old house ($400,000 +) and moved into his own. She never did come clean about the affair. The coach is typical in that he just wants her and not what is best for her, he goes along with whatever she wants...which really is the only way she'll let it be anyway. Her parents know that she is involved with the coach and again have made it clear that they don't like who she's become and that they aren't approving of her spending time with him cause he's married. The coach, in the process of knowing my friend shared with her that his marriage has been over for years. My friend lies to herself and thinks that she was and is not the catalyst of that marriage now ending. I don't know what planet she is living on. If he is telling her that, she is lying. I've told her that....but you cannot convince someone who just wants to live selfishly...it seems that way anyway.
I've learned much about her over this past year. I know she's not a christian and I love her...but I'm really sad to see who she's become...maybe she was this way all along and it's me who's moving on. I see in her the love of money and doing/compromising/convincing herself of whatever, so she can have the life she wanted a long time ago. She's been wanting to be away from her ex for years but didn't want all the attention it would cause and didn't want to lose the comforts of life. Now, she has the money. I admit, that I was jealous becasue she will receive $4500 - $5000 a month in child support because he makes so much. BUT, now I realize that God provides so much more for me..and offers so much more than physical wealth...and I wouldn't want it if I had to get it that way anyway. I will likely never get child support...but God does support my child and me...and that's eternal.
Anyway, in the winter, we made plans to go camping together. It was to be me/Justin and her and her kids. She told me two days before we left that she would have to bring the kids home half way thru' because it was her ex's weekend...she didn't want to cause any more waves cause she didn't get her money yet. She also wanted to come back up with the coach and stay on our site. I wasnt' havin' it and told her that it was probably best that she didnt' go at all and that it was disrespectful of her to think that was okay and not even ask. In the end, we agreed that she would come up with the kids for five days and then go home. I got home on the 18th of July and haven't talked to her much since. We spoke once on the phone and she was telling me about how her mother didn't approve of her going away with the coach for the weekend. I had nothing to say, there was just silence. She knows I don't approve of her being with him.
I don't know what to do. I don't know when or if I should let go. I know that when I'm with her, I feel dragged down...like I'm with someone who is so prideful that she doesn't want to live for God...she likes the 'feel good' classes at church and somehow because she does good things in the community and that she tries to teach basic good morals to her kids like be nice to others...that it does it for her.
Who am I to judge? I was the other woman years ago too. I also slipped back after this man left his family and became a christian and was immoral with him! my friend knows all this too...she knows of my past sins. She also knows that this man goes to my church...and that we are no longer involved in a relationship in that way (whole other story). I cannot describe in words or in a short amount of time, all that I have learned from the affair that I was tangled up in....or the year that I was seperated from him...or the time in which he sought me out and eventually came to know the Lord. He has paid some of the price of being in an affair with me also. He lost his family and can never again be in a sexual, husband/wife relationship. My connection with him has been the biggest life changing/learning experience outside of being a mother. I can't tell you how much it makes sense now, but I'm still learning. I've made some really corrupt choices, I"ve hurt many people.....................but I won't go back to that sin ever again. Even after I knew better, though, I still allowed myself to get caught up in sin again with this man. That was a few years ago....and although I know I am opening up myself to judgement here...I know in my heart somehow that this is an example of God working horrible things out for the good. I can't say if he would have ever found God if this didn't happen. All in all, he has God now and is working at it but will always live with it...as will I in my own way. At this point, we are friends...I know that seems impossible or maybe even wrong. I don't tell you these things to casue you to judge me or to sugar coat anything I've done. I believe that I do serve a godly purpose in his life and nothing more than that. I am glad that He has God. I can't expect my friend to know that...she knows we are friends so anything I say to her, she feels she can justify thru' that....and I guess she can.
I don't know what to do at this point. So, that is the background. I have another friend from high school that I've been chatting a bit with on fb about spiritual things...it seems that so many are caught up in this 'energy' belief...not in God Himself. What resources do you use....to start with....to show through human literature/science that God and the bible are true? when I speak to these people, I need to be prepared, so I'm trying to study to show myself approved. Now, we are talking about people who may not even believe that the bible is real...it would be helpful to have things that they may relate to as 'evidence'. All I can do is try...but I want to be ready and informed....please help.
Bekah
Sharon Hatfield
Rick
Ronnet
Sharon's Mom
caraboo
Deidra
Paul Thrower
John Meebor
Lorelle
lIsa Reaves
Andrew
Robin Fairchild
gguindon
granny
daddysgirl
justpeachy
I believe the telling sentence is "I know that when I'm with her, I feel dragged down..." When a friend offers nothing good in return for your efforts to be a friend and you are suffering from the association on a long term basis -- well, it is time to move on, to cut your losses -- even if you so want to help her. You know your own weaknesses and your strengths. Don't ever play around with your weaknesses. By maintaining a friendship with a woman living immorally (or seemingly feeling no guilt concerning her immorality), you constantly bring up your own past in your mind. The past is the past and must be allowed to remain there. You and I have only today and our efforts must concentrate on personal spiritual growth and helping our neighbour. Yet, again, not to tear down our own spiritual health. I am still somewhat concerned of your continued friendship with the man you got involved with. It is oh so easy to fool ourselves about male/female friendships, especially in this case. (Example, you comment about the woman saying "it began as friendship".) You have both made a commitment not to return to adultery, but you keep the friendship? Our minds do not work that way--and neither does the man's. Please think about these things.
And again, thank you for your willingness to share and seek input. I am praying for you.
I think you are right too about my friend....I realized I may need to cut ties some time back but was never really sure of how/when to do that. I think I owe it to her to at least send a very carefully written email explaining in love what I know she is giving up and perhaps to evaluate some things in her life. I guess any true Christian has to experience this at least once in their lives right? There have been other people that I have just judged for myself would not accept the gospel...how arrogant of me eh? sometimes it just seems as though you know, because of their beliefs...like I said it is widespread here, this belief in the earth's energy and almost like karma I guess.
Do you have anything you could suggest as mentioned in the last paragraph of my novel, lol? I know for some, I need to start there.
Hang in there
Love You