Darkness. Blackness. And then some more darkness. Darkness every where for what seemed decades. But at the same time, it felt like the blink of an eye. Like most dreams do.

No ground. No walls. No ceiling. A void. A void full of darkness and nothingness. Especially the nothingness. Even more nothingness than darkness. A hopelessness and a dire wish for something. Anything at all. Anything as long as it wasn't nothing. Anything to interrupt this downward spiral of darkness and nothingness. An end or a bottom would even be welcomed. Even if it meant death.

Suspended above what wasn't a what. Because there can't be a what when there isn't an is. Nothing isn't anything but nothing. Despair. Panic. Fear.

Nowhere is where I was. I pleaded for a something or a somehwere. Then...

A light! A light that seemed capable of making my eyes melt. My pupils had been so used to the dank darkness, they had almost forgotten what light was. But when my eyes adjusted to the shards of illumination shooting at me, I saw that the light was coming from a doorway. It illumined the void around me so that I saw that it was no longer a void, but a path with a ground and a wall.

My feet touched wonderful pavement. My hands touched the walls. And my lips kissed the bright light. I walked forward, unsure but then suddenly sure, toward the glowing door, and then let the illumination swallow me until I had passed through the doorway. And on the other side, a hospital room.

being sentimental can be seen two ways...which is precisely why i am being torn by these two ways like a dead rabbit being torn into pieces by a vulture...

these two ways are: curse...gift...

yes, being sentimental can either be seen as a curse or a gift...

first of all, how lovely it is to be able to have that emotion...to be capable of reminiscing, and having such a good memory, that you can even feel emotion over remembering what color your kindegarden backpack was...how dreadful it would be to be the type of person who never cherishes their past, but is always looking for a new thrill, never content to be blessed with what their past has offered them...

but oh oh oh, what a curse it is to be always longing for the past...every wall, every object, every door my eyes graze with even the slightest touch, sends my mind whirling back through memories...and all i can think is how horrible it is that only my brain can touch those memories and not my fingers...

i find myself driving past the old movie theater i used to go to, and i'll pull up and park at 12 a.m. and just stare into the dark, lifeless place, remembering eager fans, waiting to see awesome movies, movies that i dressed up for...

i find myself, walking through the music hall at school, wishing it was last year again, and that i was just now joining choir, meeting new people, and forming awesome new victories, conquering my fear of extra-curricular school activities...

i find myself wishing it was last summer again...i find myself, i find myself, i find myself, but rarely do i find myself living in the present...and that is why being sentimental is a curse...

but would i trade these memories that entertain my brain and flood my heart with emotions??? never...sentimentality will forever be, first and foremost, a gift...

it seems mrfrodo wasn't deleted afterall

well apparrently, people don't like it when you pester them...who knew???

it's funny...the two people that kicked me off (tu_madre...and sooze) were never even pestered by me...all i did was argue with them...and apparrently, they don't like it when people disagree with them...

it's my curse...i just can't help but scratch the itch to annoy people...the thing is, when i'm doing it, i'm not even mad or angry...it just cracks me up to see people get so ticked over me just being silly...

but this is the new mrfrodo...no, i don't mean i won't argue and disagree and pester...i just mean that I WON'T BE DOING IT ON OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS...if i have a disagreement, i'll just keep it to myself, and by "keep it to myself" i mean i'll publicly post it on MY OWN blog...

now, it's very likely that, despite the fact that i am abiding by the rules now, tu_madre and sooze will still try to have me kicked off, due to their deep hatred for me...

tu_madre and sooze, i don't hate you...i just don't like arrogant people...and whether you both see it or not, you both desperately need to be taken a down a few notches...

you would probably call me arrogant too, and i've given you no reason to say otherwise, but if you really knew me, you would know that i really like to annoy people who get uptight really easily...i apologize for disagreeing with you and doing so openly...

from now on, the only words i will say to either of you will be words of kindness...or more likely, no words at all...sorry for arguing with the both of you...

GOODBYE TO FREEDOM OF SPEECH! OR AT LEAST ON OTHERS BLOGS! WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE...I UNDERSTAND IT'S ANNOYING...