God, Where Are you?

I am the wind and the air that you breathe.
I am in the hugs that you receive.
I am the sun light that shines across your face
I am in your loved ones that reside at your place.
I am around, even when you think I can't be found
But most of all I am in you for you are my creation
and all you need to know is that I AM.

... I'm not use posting anything that I've written...


Things are actually going better. Thanks to a lot of encouraging emails, phone calls, and texts, and most of all; prayer.

Mom actually approached me yesterday and told me that she ultimately thought we were doing the right thing. That she hated to see us go but that she knew that with prayer and faith that everything would turn out good.

I had my interview, and that went really well. I thanked them for giving me a second chance, since I had originally turned them down for fear that I might have to quit on them in case Tim had gotten that job in Dayton. They said that they would have rather me do that than for them to hire/train and me quit, so they respected that. They also said that my shift would probably be working third shift once every third weekend. I asked them if they thought I could keep my current position while working with them to get me trained, and to get in the system, so that whenever a position became available I'd be in the system and be able to move up. They seemed to like that idea and thought that it'd be possible... said they would have to speak with their managers to make sure that I wouldn't have to have a wide open schedule while working casual position... but that it sounded good and I'd be hearing from HR.

... I still hate the thought of leaving Holzer. However, I didn't exactly go into this position thinking "this is it for the rest of my life" and I guess the sooner I have to get out of it the better... I heard that Adena's insurance is better than Holzer's.... so who knows. however, why does it feel like a break up?

I'm very excited about the move... hope no one got the impression that I didn't want to move and be closer to everyone... I most definitely want to. But going into the unknown is different for me and I kind of felt in despair.

BUT! I'm doing better... I've done a lot of reading/praying within the past couple of days and I definitely feel like God is in this and that Tim has made the right decision, and I couldn't be more excited for the move!

As you -may or may not- know Tim and I have been in the process of TRYING to move from the parents and get an apartment. First apartment fell through and the second apartment... so-far it looks good.

A few rough spots we've hit:

Not too sure I'm going to be able to work 3 day 12hr shift so I'll probably have to end up quitting the job I've come to love, the job I have benefits at, and the job that I've made a good friend at. Possibly getting a new job at the local hospital and going into an unfamiliar territory... new coworkers and being the "newbie" back on the bottom rung again.

Tim is going to have to commute every day... which means more gas money and his truck is a gas hog.

Mom is BEGGING me, literally begging with tears in her eyes, to not leave Jackson. Telling me I have a great job (and I do) and that the gas money (on Tim's part) isn't worth it. Telling me how she doesn't want us to leave them ... etc. Ya know, the motherly things to say to a child who is talking about leaving home for the what? 3rd or 4th time?


Seriously, I'm so tired of the way things are right now. I don't have a degree... I have a certificate and you're not exactly "high up there" on the corporate ladder with just a certificate. So, I've considered going back to school ... looking online it's going to cost over $40k to go back. That is, without any grants/scholorships .... we're already so far in debt with student loans it sickens me to think about adding to that.

For the past two nights I've dreamt that we finally got a house... and I keep asking myself when is it our turn?

But I've got to stop and remind myself how much we've been blessed with what we do have and how our lives are really good... and we're both really very happy.

.... I just wished we had a house....and better paying jobs :(

"WHELP"

I'm at work... and I have one of the most awesome co-workers. She and I find a lot of things to be intriguing and interesting that most people would be like "your a sick, weirdo, freak for reading that!"

We like to read up on murders (haneous murders) and true crimes that happened. The one I can't get off my mind is on Belle Gunness. If you're into that kind of thing.... wikipedia her. Man, that woman was heartless. Not to mention she faked her own death so she was thought to be dead but in reality was still alive...but they never found her. Rest assured! Your husbands are safe... she lived in the late 1800s early 1900's ;) So, she's dead by now.
There are so many things that people do to another person that I can't even fathom how they could possibly do that. I guess that's what is so intriguing in it for me. The extremities that people do... is almost unbelievable. At one point my coworker looked at me and said "this HAS to be fictional."

So, poor Tim woke up sick. I felt so sorry for the poor guy. He was imprisoned in the bathroom with the stomach virus that's going around. He'll probably be stuck at the house for at least another day or so... until we're sure he's past the contagious part. I'm praying that I don't get it... I can't afford to get sick right now.

So, dad calls me earlier today and informed me that the apartment Tim and I are looking into was robbed last night. Great. On the bright side, though... all the robber took was the current tenants "medication" ie. drugs. So, looks like they knew he was moving and wanted to hit it before he left.

I think we've decided to go ahead and move...since how the thief was only interested in the "drugs" and not the dvds/tv or anything else. NOTHING else was taken other than the "medication" and a box of pictures. So, it was someone who knew the current tenant.

But yeah, that's how our weekend is going. Working, sickness, and thieving into the apartment we're about to move into.

We did buy a washer and dryer friday. Never thought I'd be excited over a washer and dryer... just to do laundry, one of the biggest chores I HATE.... and hate is a strong word! ;)

.....fun stuff ;)

Last night was so encouraging for me. Dan has been doing lessons on studying our Bible and why we should... and it almost feels like he chose this series specifically for me. It's been something I've struggled with (well, let's be honest here) for a couple years now. I've battled myself thinking "well first century Christians only had the old testament, they lived a christian life. Why should I have to read the Bible every day when they didn't even have one!?" However, in foolishly thinking this way I have gone wayward in a lot of thinking (as you can tell) and have fallen weak. I never felt like walking away from God, but I felt like I was only "going through the motions" as one of the members mentioned last night. That comment, too, hit home for me.

I've always felt like I was saved and I was a christian, I just didn't feel like I was on fire like I did when I was first baptized. I watched that girl getting baptized last night, and because she was so young it brought me to remember my baptism. I can remember that morning like it was yesterday... It was May 25th 1997 and there wasn't a cloud in the sky... but it was still cold. Water in the baptistery was freezing. But I remember moments before going to the water my grandma held me and cried as she prayed asking God to be with me in my walk with Him that I remain strong and faithful to Him til death. I remember how she looked at me with smiles and tears in her eyes telling me that she loved me and no matter what happened in life to remember why I was doing this and why He died.

As that girl died with Christ last night, I asked God to forgive me and I felt the relief both for that girl and for myself. I know I'm still going to struggle with fleshly weakness... there are things in this world that draws me to it and I admit that there are many of them that I wished I could take part of and part of me almost resents being a christian. The Christian walk in life is difficult. It's no easy walk to say that you're going to abstain from: smoking, drinking, cursing, dancing, pornography, infidelity, lying, jealousy, hate .... the Bible says it better than me:

Rom 1:28-32
And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, (A)God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper,

29being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are (B)gossips,

30slanderers, (C)haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, (D)disobedient to parents,

31without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful;

32and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of (F)death, they not only do the same, but also (G)give hearty approval to those who practice them

.... worst of all (for me) "without understanding"

How does one get understanding? Well, if you were at church on Sunday and listened to Dan you'd know ;) I have to read the Bible to get that... and if I don't have understanding then I'm lost. Because I'm not letting God in my life.

W-o-w! Sorry I'll get off of my soapbox now. But I was really edified last night... and should've spoke up but was so emotional with my own thoughts that I didn't.

So, ANYWAY! For fun: Answer a debate for Tim and I.

For some odd gruesome reason we got on the discussion of Judas Iscariot and his death.

Here's what a few versions of the Bible says:

NIV - With the reward he got for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. 19Everyone in Jerusalem heard about this, so they called that field in their language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood

NLT- Judas had bought a field with the money he received for his treachery. Falling headfirst there, his body split open, spilling out all his intestines.

NAS- Now this man (A)acquired a field with (B)the price of his wickedness, and falling headlong, he burst open in the middle and all his intestines gushed out.

KJ - Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out.

ok, does it NOT sound like he was hanging upside down!? So, he was hanging from his ankles, right!? How else!?!?!? laugh if you want, but it's always how I've visioned it.

Tim says no. He hung himself and then somehow fell with his head hitting the ground first.

I'm sorry, but if you're hanging by your head... and the rope breaks (or WHATEVER) you're either gonna fall on your belly or on your back. Your head is NOT going to hit the ground first.

lol, discuss: ;)

Well, Because Calvin insisted that we get the apartment...


we're going for it!!

we're excited.

For those of you who are either married or in a serious relationship we're going to have once-a-month weekend with just two or three couples from the church to watch a marriage dvd. This guy is REALLY good. He doesn't bash the men and he doesn't bash the women. It's called "laugh your way to a better marriage" and even though Tim and I don't feel we have a ton of problems in our marriage... it has helped us!! It will be a great way for us to get to know the couples of the congregation and we'd love to have people over often... if everyone is ok with the driving. here is a small segment of the video: Let me know what you think!!!