I've had that in my profile for AIM for several years now and have had many questions with regards to what it's purpose is. I have told very few people it's meaning. As a matter of fact, as of right now I only know of four; my parents, my girlfriend, and another good friend of mine. I've told many of you who have asked me that one day, if I did what I wanted to, I would let you know. So, rather than individually explaining it, I felt as though this would be the easiest means to tell my story....

When I was in the 8th grade my grandmother, who I was very close to, died in a car accident. The most devastating part was that Me-Me wasn't a Christian. I was crushed, and to this day it hurts. The last instance I ever really got to talk to Me-Me was exactly a week before she was killed. It was after a football game and she and I had gone to eat and were riding home so she could drop me off. She asked me about track season and my goals. I said I wanted to win district in the mile as I had done in 7th grade. She asked if that was all? So I said I'd go undefeated. She asked if that was all? So I promised I would. She asked me about high school, and what I would do then. I said "I'll win state!" She asked if that was all? So I promised I'd win State.

One week later I was sitting in the emergency room in unbelief over the fact that she was gone. I didn't know what to do.

My 8th grade track season I went undefeated and won district. Then high school rolled around and I wasn't anything special even in our district. Freshmen year in cross country I only got 8th place. But I've worked - hard. I've run - mile after mile I have run. It would be a lie to say it was all for the promise, it was for myself and others as well, but I wanted to keep my word.

I say all this now, and put all this information out in the open now because this morning I did it. I won the 4A State Cross Country meet in a new 4A State record. My time was almost fast enough to win the 5A race (it would have gotten me 2nd), but that doesn't matter - I did what I set out to do. It was a dream come true - words can't describe it.

Now I can let go. Now I can feel set free from that burden that I've carried for over 4years. It feels so good to know I won, and so good to know that "it was not forgotten."

Me-Me will always be in my heart - I will love her for as long as I live and she will always be an influence in my running.

10/08/02 - A Promise That Will Not Be Forgotten.....better yet.... 11/11/06 - A Promise That Was Not Forgotten.

R.I.P. Me-Me 10/08/02

Hello everyone; long time no post on my part! Sorry it's been so long since I've gotten on here; I hope you all is well with everyone as you read this. What can I say, I have gotten in a habit of only writing when a lot is on my mind and at the present moment, I'm overloaded. So, if you care to read on, enjoy - if not, don't worry, I won't be offended haha.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 4:6-7)

This year at camp we talked a lot about prayer and here lately it's been on my mind again. It seems the easiest to pray often and to pray hard when things aren't always as easy as we think they should be. I am probably every bit as much, if not more guilty of this than anyone else. I have found myself praying to God, bringing things before him when I was scared, nervous, or having "anxiety" over a problem or struggle; but it's easy to let our "prayer-life" become dormant during periods of time when things are going well and easy.

"...Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.
Remember when you're talkin' to the Man upstairs,
That just because he doesn't answer, doesn't mean he don't care.
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers..."

That song has always struck me as interesting. Our society seems to be of the mind that if we pray for something and don't get our way, God isn't listening and isn't going to to answer our prayers. Something I have had to learn to grapple with in my life is rejection; it seems to be the hardest to deal with when it comes from the Almighty. How often has God's answer to my prayers been "no" in my life? Fairly often. Maybe I am maturing, or maybe I am just finally taking time to contemplate it, but I have been able to see the good in so many of those "no's" lately.

I have prayed for past relationships to work out, only to have them fail. I find myself now with a wonderful girl who has been such an encouragement to me.

I have prayed that illnesses in my family be taken away (such as my mother having cancer), only to have more come along (2years later she had a heart attack). I find myself now more mature and stronger for having been through those things; my family is closer for having had to come together; and I love my mother more than some because it taught me to appreciate the little things more.

I have prayed that I could win certain races, or accomplish certain goals, only to come close to succeeding but ultimately fail. For the past 2years I have been motivated by the failures, and now I am enjoying more success through the blessings of God in my running.

I have prayed for closer relationships and more friends with "good" people of the world, only for them to become worse people. Now I find myself not associated with them, not having been drug down the same roads in life they have, and being closer to more spiritually minded people.

I can see in my life so many instances where all I wanted and all I thought I needed was a "yes" from God; and His answer was "no." That has always held a great deal of significance to me, but as I write now, it holds somewhat more.

This past Saturday (September 23rd) I did something in my Cross Country race that I have never done before; I dropped out. With a little over a half mile to go I couldn't take it anymore. I had felt horrible and been having difficulty a few days prior. I wasn't quite sure what was wrong with me and the symptoms and pains I was having caused some concern with my parents so they scheduled me a doctor's appointment this Monday. I went to the doctor at 9:00 AM and didn't come home until 4:45 PM. I had blood drawn, and everything seemed normal, but the family practicioner wanted me to go to a cardiologist because of what I had told him. He did an EKG and the results seemed fairly normal, but he said there was a "deviation" that wasn't easy to explain so he wanted to do a more thorough test. I was sent for more blood work, and scheduled for a stress test tomorrow afternoon. As of right now, I am worried. I have no idea what to expect / suspect. My mother and my brother have had heart problems; but I never suspected I could. Now, I must wait till Thursday to get results back to find out what, if anything is wrong. Hopefully I can look back at this entry in a few days and laugh at my concern because nothing bad will show up, but I am afraid.

It is 6weeks until the state meet; the state meet that I have worked since 7th grade for, that I have run thousands upon thousands of miles for. If something happens, if something shows up on the test that would require treatment, I could very possibly (A) not be able to run, or (B) have to sit out for a while and be out of shape. I don't know what is going to happen; I don't know that these next 2nights I will be able to get much sleep. I am worried, so, as we learned at camp....this is the perfect time to pray.

No matter the outcome of all of this I can be assured of this, if nothing is wrong I can continue on course training and preparing for the race I have anticipated for years. But if something is wrong, if the answer is a "no," I pray that I will one day be mature enough to look back and see the goodness and wisdom from it.

I have so much to be thankful for; we all do. I have all the physical necessities of this life along with many of the luxuries; loving, wonderful parents; loving, wonderful brothers; a loving, wonderful spiritual family and friends; and a wonderful girl that I am blessed to have by my side. Even though all the physical blessings seem so wonderful, and truly are; "nothing can compare to the glory up there." We have a hope of a home with God one day; what more could we ever ask for? What more could we ever need? Health only gives us a longer physical life; excercise provides and recreation provide no spiritual encourgement; jobs and homes will not mean anything once we are through with this life. While all of those things are good and great blessings that we have and are there for our enjoyment, we have no greater blessing than this: the redemption from our sins through Jesus Christ so that one day, one great day, we can be with The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit - forever.
"For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He himself is able even to subdue all things to Himself. Therefore, my beloved and longed-for brethren, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, beloved. (Phillipians 3:20-4:1)

Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes....

He stays up for days on end.
_________________________

You take a warm shower to help you wake up....

He goes days or weeks without running water.
__________________________

You complain of a "headache", and call in sick....

He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
__________________________

You put on your anti war/don't support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends....

He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
__________________________

You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket....

He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.
__________________________

You talk trash about your "buddies" that aren't with you....

He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.
__________________________

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls....

He walks the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
__________________________

You complain about how hot it is....

He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.
__________________________

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong....

He doesn't get to eat today.
__________________________

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes....

He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.
__________________________

You go to the mall and get your hair redone....

He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.
__________________________

You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes over....

He's told he will be held over an extra 2 months.
__________________________

You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight....

He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
__________________________

You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday....

He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.
__________________________

You roll your eyes as a baby cries....

He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet.
__________________________

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything....

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.
__________________________

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him....

He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.
__________________________

You see only what the media wants you to see....

He sees the broken bodies lying around him.
__________________________

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't....

He does exactly what he is told.
__________________________

You stay at home and watch TV....

He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.
__________________________

You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable....

He crawls under a tank for shade and a 5 minute nap, only to be woken by gunfire.
__________________________

You sit there and judge him, saying the world is probably a worse place because of men like him....

If only there were more men like him!
__________________________


I don't know what your position on the war is, and I am not posting this to in any way sway your opinions; but whether you agree with our government and it's decisions or not, remember what men and women are doing right now for you and me.

I know this is kind of a political post, but I saw this today and with all the conflicts in the world, and with all the political arguments and disagreements, we need to remember how lucky we are to live in such a luxurious place and time and remember those who have worked and sacrificed to give that to us and maintain that for us; but most of all remember The One from whom everything we have came from - God.

I've decided I might take a break from the computer for a while; I'm going to try to not get on as much at least. I don't post as much as I used to on here, but it might be less for a while; I just feel bad about the fact that there are so many other good things I could be doing rather than spending time on here.

With that said, since I don't know when I'll post again, I wanted to express my thanks for a lot of different things. This morning when I was running with my older brother and we were on the bridge we do workouts on sometimes, it was sun-rise and it was amazing and I started thinking of how many things I have to be thankful for, so I'd like to share some because most of what I'm about to say involves ya'll.

I'm thankful for the week-long break from the world that I am able to experience with those who are trying to live Godly every summer at camp.

I'm thankful for those who work so hard to put it together.

I'm thankful that through camp I've been able to meet older men who are such good examples and strong leaders for God's people.

I'm thankful that through camp I've been able to meet great Christian women (both younger, and older) who are such an inspiration.

I am thankful to have been able to meet such great role models to look up to - even if some of them I don't get to talk to as much as I would like, they have all helped me in unimaginable ways.

I am thankful for my brothers I have been able to grow closer to over the years, even though I don't see them that much. All those guys from camp have been amazing friends even though we don't get a chance to keep in touch that much - I know I could turn to them for anything, and I hope they know they can do the same. They are my brothers, and I couldn't be more thankful for that.

I am so thankful to know some of the most amazing young Christian women who are such good, godly influences. I would say they have been like sisters to me but that would be a lie; they are my sisters, and I love them dearly.

Ok, I know if ya'll are reading this ya'll are wondering where ya'll are but I saved a special spot for ya'll haha - I am thankful for the younger Christian guys I have grown to know and love. Don't ever lose sight of who you are and I'm always here for ya'll - you're like my brothers, especially you because I've gotten to grow up with you. I love you all, and am always here for you just like I am for my younger brother.

I am thankful for the friendships I have been able to have with the younger people from here at Northwest.

I am thankful for my parents; my mom and dad are the main reasons I am who I am. My dad has always offered me instruction and guidance and instilled in my principles of godliness, while always offering love even when I didn't want or deserve it. My mother has always sacrificed and given me so much even when I didn't appreciate her and all she's done; her life has been me and my brothers for so many years and I dont' know where I'd be without her and her love for us.

I am thankful to God for my brothers, DJ and Dallas. Nothing in this world will ever keep me from loving them. They are my best friends, and they always have been. I have been fortunate enough for us to have been close in age, because it has lead to a closeness of hearts. I have grown up with them, shared my life with them, and I don't know what I would do without both of them in my life.

I have so many things to be thankful for, but these are just a few among many; but I only have one more that I HAVE to mention. I "saved the best for last." I have so much to be thankful to God for. He has done the most amazing things in my life, even when I have been so undeserving. I am thankful for the sacrifice Christ made, for the Holy Spirit (although I do not know so much about that) and it's guidance and comfort to the righteous. The word "amazing" doesn't begin to describe God; I could go on for all of time and it wouldn't begin to express what He deserves to have said to Him. I only hope that in the days, weeks, months, and years to come I can be the person He would have me to be and help others to do the same along the way.

Know all of you, those who were mentioned, and those who maybe weren't, that you are loved.

God bless, always,
Drew

Earlier I was outside watching the sunset, thinking of different people and things in my life. I read a few Psalms, and just sat for a while. This kind of "came to my heart" and I began to write here on the computer. It's a poem that I just started, and just finished. Maybe you can find some meaning in it...

"Someday, before God’s throne we shall all kneel.
Someday, before His throne, a dreadful sorrow some shall feel.

Someday, all our lives here will come to an end.
Someday, for the faithful few, our lives will have just began.

Someday there will be no tears.
Someday, there will be nothing left for us to fear.

Someday, in our eternal homes we shall be.
Someday, God’s matchless glory we shall forever see.

Someday, face to face with Jesus our Savior we may speak.
Someday, our God and our Father will be our strength; we shall never again be weak.

Someday, seated by the River of Life we shall forever sing.
Someday, seated by the River of Life, we will raise up our voices, in eternal praise to the King.

Someday on this life with sorrow we will reflect.
Someday, contemplating this life, we shall realize the things of importance we did so oft neglect.

Someday, those who have gone before us we shall meet.
Someday, those saints of old will stand at the pearly gates, waiting for us to greet.

Someday, neither death nor decay shall ever invade.
Someday, the joy of being with the Lord will forever pervade.

Someday, our burdens we no longer will bear.
Someday, there will be no worries; no heartaches; no despair.

Someday, we shall go the land where only the righteous may trod.
Someday, we shall go to that land, and live forever with our God.

Someday, if but courageous and faithful we will be,
We will live with our Savior, the Spirit, and our Father for all eternity.

One day…someday."

"Someday" By: Drew Bean [me] 7/8/06