His story

  • marmee
    I am so sorry. Loves to you.
    by marmee at 08/02/13 7:57PM
  • dawnmk23
    Beautifully written. Praying for you. Hugs.
    by dawnmk23 at 08/02/13 8:37PM
  • stambering
    Thank you for sharing your heart. Love and prayers.
    by stambering at 08/02/13 11:37PM
  • raifhaus
    I'm so glad you've written this.
    I want to know you in person.
    I will pray that God give more little ones the opportunity to be loved and taught in your family.
    by raifhaus at 08/03/13 9:05AM
  • beavermom
    by beavermom at 08/03/13 9:50PM
  • Casheloogary
    Thank you for sharing your heart. You will be able to help others that go through this heart breaking journey with such a tender, sweet heart. Your love for God shines!
    by Casheloogary at 08/04/13 5:09PM
  • magnolia
    ♥ ♥ Praying.
    by magnolia at 08/04/13 7:04PM
  • robynbobm
    Thank you all
    by robynbobm at 08/06/13 2:55AM
  • kailua
    ♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥
    ♥ ♥Prayers and (((hugs))) going your way♥ ♥
    ♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥
    by kailua at 08/10/13 10:16PM
  • curlie
    Love you.
    by curlie at 08/19/13 11:35PM

Let this cup pass from me, I pray

I really hoped I'd never have to write this again in my life. My appointment on Monday at 16.5 weeks went just like my 16 week appointment last time. No heartbeat found after three times trying. I was in tears. This time, instead of waiting, we did an ultrasound. The ultrasound confirmed it. No heart activity. No motions. Just a still, sweet form laying there. My midwife joined us there, and she was with me in the room while Bob was in the waiting room with the boys. Knowing how much it would matter to me later, I held back my emotions enough to ask questions and have the tech look for anomalies or other signs, and the size and gender. There is one place to look at when the baby is delivered that may or may not be something, but the baby otherwise looked fine. It isn't very certain, but this one may have been our first girl. Baby was also about the right size, so he estimated it happened in the last week. As he was cleaning up, my midwife asked if I wanted a photo and if he was still able to take one. As I thanked him for the picture, I said I was glad to have it, because I didn't have any of Enoch. And that was when I broke down. My midwife asked if they needed the room right away, and since they didn't, she had him call Bob in while I cried on her shoulder. We talked about things we need to test for because of it repeating, and got ready to go home and face the wait. I prefer not to do a D&C unless necessary, but it is still hard to wait. It's like a lesser garden of Gethsemane. You know what is coming, and don't want to go through it, but you know it is necessary. So resignation and dread mingle inside you. I wish my suffering was to effect something wonderful to even a small degree. But though I am being refined by fire, I have a hard time seeing any great good in it. Right now. Maybe in 20 years, I will see why it had to happen. Maybe, like Job, I will never know. I do hope that our tests tell us something, when we do them, because my heart and body are suffering from this so much even now. If there is something to treat that spares us more losses, I want to know.
  • marmee
    Oh, Robyn, my heart is broken for you. I will pray for peace in your soul as you pass through this trial. May He be your comfort and heal your physical body, as well. Sometimes we just don't know "why." Love you.
    by marmee at 07/03/13 8:12AM
  • raifhaus
    Oh so hard. This makes me so sad. I will be praying for you.
    by raifhaus at 07/03/13 9:11AM
  • dawnmk23
    Hugs. Praying for you.
    by dawnmk23 at 07/03/13 2:10PM
  • kailua
    I am so sad to hear this dreadful news.

    I am so sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))
    by kailua at 07/05/13 9:27PM
  • Casheloogary
    I'm so sorry for all of you! Praying for comfort in the days ahead.
    by Casheloogary at 07/05/13 11:22PM
  • magnolia
    You are in my heart, prayers, and thoughts right now Robyn - your husband as well. I am so sorry you guys must go through this hurt.
    by magnolia at 07/07/13 10:11PM
  • beavermom
    My sweet, beautiful, brave daughter; you have gone through so much in your 25 years, and I can't be more sad for you, or more proud of you for handling all your sorrows with faith and trust in our God. He is with you every step of your journey, and you have leaned on Him and His people and been revived. He will carry you through this time, too. I could not be more proud of you than I am now. You are my hero, and I love you incredibly much!
    by beavermom at 07/09/13 1:29AM
  • raifhaus
    Dear Robyn, I woke up thinking about you this morning. I was quickly overwhelmed by my naive imaginations of what you must experience in these days. Still thinking of you...
    by raifhaus at 07/11/13 4:20PM
  • robynbobm
    Still waiting. Had an episode this week that makes me think my body is finally letting go of hope and will deal with things soon.
    by robynbobm at 07/19/13 2:45PM
  • trekkiemom
    So very sorry Robyn. I do pray you are able to get answers. It is a difficult road to proceed without answers, but not impossible to traverse. Your strength in all this will at the very least prove beneficial to some other soul down the road who may not fare as well with her grief. Our hearts and prayers are with you and Bob.
    by trekkiemom at 07/20/13 7:49PM
  • kailua
    I read your mother's post. I said a prayer and will pray for you, your family and the situation again.

    I am sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))
    by kailua at 07/25/13 2:55PM
  • raifhaus
    Thinking of you.
    by raifhaus at 07/25/13 3:57PM
  • Casheloogary
    Dear Robyn, I'm sooo sorry for your loss. May God bless you and give you strength. I'm just so sorry!
    by Casheloogary at 08/01/13 10:50PM

Something Hopeful to Say

I went to my midwife for my 12 week appointment today. That is the first one you hear the heartbeat at if you don't do an early ultrasound. So I was nervous. But it was good news, baby was a bit squirmy, but then settled down long enough they could get a count. Nice steady midrange heartbeat. So step one of finding hope is finished. The things in the past did not keep baby from being ok today.
  • dawnmk23
    Praise God for a great appt. How exciting! Take care!
    by dawnmk23 at 06/04/13 8:16AM
  • marmee
    God sees. Blessings on you and baby as you 'grow' together. :)
    by marmee at 06/04/13 9:19AM
  • Casheloogary
    So good to hear.
    by Casheloogary at 06/04/13 10:39AM
  • stambering
    Praise God! May He continue to answer prayers for baby's health.
    by stambering at 06/04/13 2:28PM
  • quiltedmama
    :) Always my favorite appointment!
    by quiltedmama at 06/05/13 7:49PM
  • Tambi
    by Tambi at 06/07/13 11:20AM
  • magnolia
    So thankful to hear this! :)
    by magnolia at 06/07/13 6:45PM
  • beavermom
    by beavermom at 06/14/13 3:22AM

9 weeks

A lot is unknown, but no bad is known, so that is my consolation for now. In three and a half weeks I have a chance to hear the heartbeat. Hoping for reassuring June and July visits. I'm still emotionally disconnected somewhat, but I think once I have some evidence baby is ok, I will start the enjoying process. Bit by bit.
  • sarasponda
    You are still in my prayers. Can't wait for you to get to hear that heartbeat.
    by sarasponda at 05/10/13 9:09AM
  • marmee
    Good news. Will continue to pray for you, sweetie. Blessings!
    by marmee at 05/10/13 9:14AM
  • juliamiriam
    Praying for you!!
    by juliamiriam at 05/10/13 10:12AM
  • curlie
    by curlie at 05/10/13 12:05PM
  • dawnmk23
    by dawnmk23 at 05/10/13 3:25PM
  • kimbrena
    by kimbrena at 05/10/13 10:49PM
  • beavermom
    by beavermom at 05/11/13 4:04AM
  • dawnmk23
    Thanks so much! :0)
    by dawnmk23 at 05/12/13 8:00PM
  • quiltedmama
    After miscarrying at 15 weeks, I had trouble not worrying through my entire pregnancy. I'll pray that you will have an uneventful time and peace of mind through it!
    by quiltedmama at 05/13/13 1:48AM
  • quiltedmama
    We are fine. It was about 20 miles from us; passed less than 1/2 mi from Vic's mom's house though. Lots of damage. THey say it's the worst ever. We only know of one family in the Church who lost their home; they are fine though.

    We weren't even here for the excitement. We were stuck in the Houston airport for 3 hours waiting for OKC to reopen. It made for a very long trip back from Germany!
    by quiltedmama at 05/22/13 11:08AM

update with prayer request

Dudes may find this TMI

I had my first post loss cycle in early March. From that first day on I have had relatively minor yet uncomfortable lower abdomen issues, mostly digestive in expression. I conceived that very first cycle and am now due December 12th. So I am just over 5 weeks now.

The night before last, I had my sister over for a sleepover. As we hung out until really late at night, I slowly got more and more uncomfortable and started going to the bathroom a lot. By the time I did go to bed, it was bad enough I couldn't sleep. I would have almost tuned out the pain enough to get sleepy, then I would need to pee. I spent hours falling asleep, but not sleeping. I finally got a couple of hours of sleep starting after 6 am. That morning the pain was less, but still enough I called in and got an appointment with someone at my doctors office. Since my pain wasn't bad and I was barely able to say I was spotting, they didn't do an ultrasound on me. They did take cultures and did a UA because I went in thinking I had a uti caused by a bacterial infection. So, I went home with no answer. I grabbed lunch on the way home, being exhausted, then as I drove home I felt progressively worse. By the time I was home I could not eat, and just alternated between bathroom and bed, throwing up from the pain a couple times. Thankfully my husband was just finishing work when I got desperate for him to come home and take me to the ER. After thinking about it and talking to my midwife, we were concerned about ectopic, and my pain was becoming more than I could handle. My sister continued to watch the boys and he took me in. Walking was excruciating. After they got me triaged and waiting, I tried to get comfortable, then went to the bathroom to pee and vomit. Having hardly eaten anything, my vomit was only bile and the liquid I was drinking to stay hydrated. They finally got me to a room (it felt like forever but was probably 20 minutes since I was a somewhat priority case), and put warm blankets on me, drew blood, took my stats again, and after I vomited, gave me zofran in my hep lock or whatever they call when they put it in your elbow and can unhook you. That sort of helped and my.pain was sort of diminishing, but I was probably a 9+/10 on the pain scale when I got there, so a minor improvement wasn't enough. They gave me morphine with zofran, and that was awesome. My pain dropped to a 3 and I could relax for the first time all day. They had me give a urine sample, and I still had blood in my urine, though hardly visible to me in spotting form. They did an ultrasound after the morphine had me comfortable, and then took me back to my room to wait.

The news that came back was a mix of relieving and concerning. Baby was not ectopic, they were in the uterus. But there was bleeding around the baby. So... The baby may end up fine, or we may lose this one too. They want me to see if my hcg numbers have doubled on Monday. The pain I was feeling was plower right abdominal, and they said that was the side my corpus luteum cyst is on, EO the side I had ovulated on. I asked about what if I end up in pain again, and all I can do is Tylenol unless I am miscarrying. I've had minor recurrences since last night, and hardly have a moment I feel totally normal, but I still have no red spotting at all, and am trying to take it easy to not exacerbate the pain or the risky situation.

So, after all that, please pray the baby stays and joins us, healthy and strong, in December, and please pray I don't have pain like that again. Thank you, if you read all this.

  • marmee
    I read it all. And I will be bringing you to God in prayer, Robyn. May He be your trust and comfort through this difficult time. Please do not overdo. Let others do for you. Love and a {{hug}}.
    by marmee at 04/14/13 8:38AM
  • juliamiriam
    I read every bit, and I will be praying for you and the baby. :)
    by juliamiriam at 04/14/13 1:14PM
  • kailua
    I am so sorry to hear this. I will pray. (((hugs)))
    by kailua at 04/15/13 12:45PM
  • sarasponda
    I was so sorry to see this on facebook a few days ago. Have been praying for you since then. Please, please keep us updated. I hope your pain stays under control. When will you have the results of your blood work?
    by sarasponda at 04/15/13 1:05PM
  • Casheloogary
    I will pray that God will grant you your hearts desire and that your hcg number will be elevated. God be with you today! {hugs}
    by Casheloogary at 04/15/13 1:30PM
  • robynbobm
    Sarah, I will probably know by tonight. Thank you everyone. ♥
    by robynbobm at 04/15/13 2:56PM
  • robynbobm
    Hcg levels were nearly doubled in nearly three days, so that is good.
    by robynbobm at 04/15/13 10:41PM
  • Casheloogary
    Great news! Will keep you in my prayers.
    by Casheloogary at 04/16/13 8:39AM
  • kailua
    by kailua at 04/16/13 9:58AM
  • sarasponda
    Yay! So happy for your good news. Still keeping you in my prayers.
    by sarasponda at 04/16/13 1:18PM
  • stylinmama
    Glad to hear about good news!
    by stylinmama at 04/17/13 12:52AM
  • trekkiemom
    Keep taking it easy - as much as possible and pray for a healthy pregnancy for both of you :-) I saw "they" and wondered if you were having multiples!
    by trekkiemom at 04/19/13 7:37PM
  • spinningbee
    Love you. God knows it all.
    by spinningbee at 04/23/13 8:17AM
  • robynbobm
    Just one. There needs to be a pronoun for the unknown singular!
    by robynbobm at 04/24/13 7:28PM