I rarely write poems, maybe one a year. So this is a rare treat. Lets see if anyone can guess what it's about.
I miss My Love, It’s been too long since our last embrace
My body aches to feel your decadent passion
I must liberate you from the violent man who holds you
I will find a way, no task to low, or obstacle to great
Any pain caused or felt, inconsequential
The fear, the shame, the regret I may feel
A small price to pay for the affections of My Love
All soon forgotten in the ecstasy of your touch
I finally have you in my hand
My heart races in anticipation as I prepare for you, My Love
A small flame burns bright in the darkness
Signifying the time has come, as we both melt with heat.
I welcome the pressure of the constriction
Preparing the pathways of your loving embrace
As always My Love starts with a bite
Sharp and stinging, a feeling I learned to love by acquisition
I feel the heat; My Love is embracing me from the inside out
Spreading from the bite, My Love proclaiming its presence
The heat giving way to ever spreading tingling chills
My Love playfully, skillfully strumming my nerve endings
We now become one in joyful collision
No relationship I’ve ever known can compare to this bliss
Not the love of a mother, father, child or any other lover
They’re nothing now but distractions and assets
Used only to bring me closer to My Love, or to be let go
I lose myself in euphoria, letting go of all pain, fear and shame
My body eases, giving into the affections it so sorely missed.
My consciousness slips into divine oblivion
Into the only world that feels real to me now.
I know I’ll wake alone to the groggy haze
I know that My Love will be gone,
Both of us spent in the aftermath of our passion
I will search for you, I will find you, I won’t stop until I hold you again
For I will always long to be with My Love.
Well 2012 was the hardest year in my life, and I’m glad it’s over. But even though it was hard, there was also some good things that happened in it as well, plus I learned a lot from it, probably because it was so hard.
The year started off bad, stayed bad for months, and started get progressively better toward the end of it. I had my heart broke, struggled with depression, uncertainty, poverty, deaths of family members (not properly baptized, like most of my family members :( ) was accused of heinous acts I’m not even capable of committing (by people who should’ve known me well enough to know that), loss friends over those same accusations, who after hearing the truth “forgave” me, but in the same breathe told me to never talk to them again (I pray God shows them more grace than they showed me), and other things that I don’t even want to mention here.
But like I said before, the year wasn’t all bad; actually the last quarter of the year was pretty good. I learned to trust God as opposed to putting my faith in myself, I learned how to forgive and pray for those who hurt you and for those who hate you. I gained many more friends than I lost. I got to be in one of my best friends weddings, and to be the god father her little baby girl. Literally stumbled on (on Craigslist of all places) what is turning out to be a very good career opportunity, moved to Albuquerque and I like it, found a very sound loving congregation to worship with.
Even though majority of this year seemed bad, I know that all the things that I went through helped make me a better person and more importantly a better Christian. I was happy with the way I handled some of them, and disappointed at the way I handled some others. The rough year was necessary for God to bring me to where He wanted me to be. The trials of last year helped me to grow, and help to shine the light on some of the areas where I need improvement. I just pray that I’m not so hard-headed in the future that His lessons require such a heavy hand.
I was thinking about the parable of the sower today (some seed sown among the path, others among shallow ground, others among thorns, other among fertile soil). I'm not going to explain the parable, the bible does a pretty good job at that (look it up if you don't know it Mark 4:1-20), but I was thinking about the seeds sown among the thorns (those choked out by the cares of this world), and about how this is something every Christian has to look out for. Most Christians who have been saved for a while, aren't overly concerned with falling away or becoming apostate. Even if there are times where we feel like giving up, we ultimately come to the same conclusion that Peter did in John 6: 68-69 "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God". But being choked out by thorns doesn't have the same "throw it all away" attitude. It happens gradually, so gradually that most aren't even away that it has happened or that the thorns are even growing. One may be completely covered in thorns, completely choked out of spiritual life, and still feel that they are pleasing to God.
I should know, I was on that path myself for a long time and was completely unaware. I trusted in God only for salvation (the one thing I knew I couldn't achieve myself), and trusted in myself for everything else. And why shouldn't I have (my thinking at the time)? I was a Doctor at 24 years old, not only that, but I was a relatively good one. Among the top of my class, other students and interns would come to me to ask for help, I could theorize new techniques on the spot to fix things that other couldn't. I had already set up a position to start working before I was even licensed to practice. I also thought I was spiritually good, ("Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone." Mark 10:18) thought I was intelligent enough to quickly grab most concepts, came to the knowledge of the truth without anyone really studying with me (although I did use a website by a brother in Christ, which was first given to me by my physical brother, which had articles with ideas and concepts, and I just checked those articles against the bible, so that's not entirely true, but it how I thought at the time) I was chaste, seemingly humble, supposedly loving, kind and thought I was spiritually on point.
I was well on the path to being choked out by thorns. A slow, quiet spiritual death in plain view with most onlookers as oblivious to my doom I was. If I had succeeded trusting in my hand, I would have naturally ended up trusting in the money my hand had made (Since I would have never trusted in God in the first place, I wouldn't even have notice it missing). Being the source of my success, and the supposed source of my comfort, maintaining wealth would have become my main care. Even though I would appear to be a Christian, I would have been spiritually flat-lined, more concerned with the cares of this world than the cares of God.
Thankfully, everything that I had planned fell through one way or another. Though I was upset at the time, I now thank God for those failures. Realizing that any success then would have led a true failure of falling away from God. This is something that all Christians must be on guard for. No matter how mature we feel we are, there is always a opportunity to be choked out by thorns, because weeds love fertile ground too. It isn't just limited to being personally overgrown, but here in Albuquerque, I see it in a lot of congregations as well. Where the question is, "how can this congregation better serve you?", and not "how can this congregation better serve the Lord?" Brothers and sisters, let's be careful to make sure that serving our Lord and Savior is the main concern of our lives
Praying for spiritual growth is probably among the better things you can pray for. It’s also one of the most dangerous prayers you can pray too. Most physical things don’t seem to grow unless it’s under some type stress. The closer that stress brings something to its breaking point, the stronger that something grows. It seems to work similarly with spiritual things. Praying for spiritual growth may cause God to reveal spiritual issues that you didn’t know you had, and cause situations that may make you deal with problems that you know you have. He might show you some tough love (and He can get pretty tough) but it’s still love and He’ll never but more on us than we can bear (although, speaking from experience, He may bring you closer to the edge than you would like). Just keep faith in Him and remember that His ways are higher than ours. He can see effects from cause’s years down the line that we can even fathom. Sometimes I’m amazed when I see what positive things results from perceived tragedies. And those are only the ones I can manage to recognize, who knows how much of it really goes over my head? We all need spiritual growth, it’s necessary, but it isn’t cheap. But if we count the cost, we would see it cost us much more to be stagnate than to grow. Praying for spiritual growth may be a dangerous prayer, but it’s also a rewarding one.