You should vote for me because I'm me. A vote for a person other than me would not be a vote for me. Hence, you would not be voting for me. That would be a terrible waste of a vote. It would almost be a non-vote, because it would go towards electing someone who surely would not be me. Once in office, that person would not enact my policies, would not enforce my ideas, would not possess my cunning wit. You would say, "Oh, that I had voted for Ralph Nader, and not this not-Ralph Nader!" You would despise the day of your birth.

Thank you.

I am Ralph Nader because I am. And if I weren't Ralph Nader, I would be someone else. Yet even then there would still be Ralph Nader. He simply wouldn't be me. But he would be your next president. And since I am Ralph Nader, I will be your next president.

Thank you.

I've heard people ask, "Who is this Ralph Nader? What does he stand for?" I'm going to tell you that now.

A man is more than flesh and blood. A man is mostly spirit, though it cannot be quantitatively measured, but it is true that there is more spirit than flesh and blood, or that the spirit is the most important part, at least, and so is considered to be greater than the material components. This spirit is what guides a man to do what he knows is right, or what he feels like doing, or what people tell him to do, in other words, pretty much everything. I am a man, and I have spirit, the spirit of Ralph Nader, for that is me.

So, then, when we ask ourselves, "Who is Ralph Nader?" we have to ask, "What is the spirit of Ralph Nader?" And I don't just mean is it transluscent or solid, and does it like to rattle chains, but really, what does Ralph Nader stand for? So when we ask who is Ralph Nader, we must ask what is Ralph Nader's spirit, and when we ask what is Ralph Nader's spirit, we must ask what does Ralph Nader stand for, which is, you see, really the same as getting down to the bottom of the question, "Who is Ralph Nader?" So, then, when we ask who is Ralph Nader, we must truly, sincerely ask, "Who is Ralph Nader?"

It has been said that you can judge a man by the company he keeps. Someone regarded my friends list and observed that I was a sad, lonely man, and if I were to judge myself solely by the people on my friends list, I would say this person was right. But there is more to figuring out a person than looking at his friends list. There are other things to consider: does this person have friends not on his friends list, or not even on this website? Does this person have many more friends than this, but only considers those on his friends list close enough to him to put them on said list? Does this person have trouble figuring out how to add friends to his friends list? You see, there are so many factors to consider.

In the end, we can only come to the obvious conclusion: Ralph Nader is Ralph Nader. And if you don't know Ralph Nader, you don't know who Ralph Nader is.

I thank you for your time.

It's turned out there was some election fraud going on in the 2004 election by people purported to be my supporters. Apparently there were a few forged signatures among the thousands of legitimate signatures used to get me on the ballot in Pensylvania in 2004. Even though I had nothing to do with this forgery, they're making me pay the Democrats $80,000 to pay for investigations into this affair. Well, there goes my new plasma TV...

I believe there should be a national holiday dedicated to the maids in our society. They work so hard yet are so underappreciated. We need to respect those who work so hard for us. So we need a maid appreciation day.