I started a caring Bridge Site to keep everyone updated on my process and progress. If you have time take a look.
It's such awful news, that there's bound to be some inappropriate responses to it.
The worst, I thought, was when someone knew about it, but would play dumb until I told them. They'd ask me what I'm up to and then stare at me. It would be the stare that would give them away. They'd just be too interested in my response. So I'd hint at it a bit, "oh, I haven't been feeling that well," or, "well, things have been better..." Hoping they'd just say, "yes, I heard." But instead, they'd say, "oh?" So I'd have to go through the mix of emotions that always came whenever I'd have to tell someone that I had cancer.
And once I went through all that, they'd say, "oh, yeah, I know." Still staring. Waiting for the show I guess.
Everyone, let me explain how you should respond to someone who just got diagnosed with cancer:
• Do not ignore them. Do not stop calling them because suddenly you don't know what to say. Do not try to avoid them in social situations because you are uncomfortable.
• Go up to them. Call them. E-mail them. Tell them, first, that you heard about the cancer. Tell them second that you think it sucks and you're sorry to hear about it.
• Don't talk about your uncle who died of the same cancer. Don't talk about how your whole family has had cancer, and you'll probably die of it, too. Don't talk about how many people die of it every year. Don't talk about death.
• Don't talk about how you once got diagnosed with pneumonia, so you can understand what it's like. No you can't. Don't try. Tell them you can't even imagine what it's like to go through something like this.
• Do not talk about the alternative medicine that you read about in Crazy Monthly, that is sure to cure them of their disease. Don't tell them that their treatment isn't good for them, and that lot's of people end up dying from the treatments, or that chemotherapy is just a big conspiracy between the government and the pharmaceutical companies, etc., etc. Don't tell them how they got it. Just stop. They don't need to hear about it.
• If they are sad about it, don't tell them that they shouldn't be sad. They have a right to be sad, or exhausted, or whatever it is they feel. Don't tell them what to do.
• Ask them about the treatment - then listen to the response. It might be a long response, with a lot of medical terms. Listen anyway. It's all they probably think about right now, anyway, so just let them talk about it.
• Give them a hug, or a handshake, or a pat on the back. Touch them somehow. Tell them that you're concerned for them, and you're looking forward to them being a cancer survivor.
• Do not give them the line, "if there's anything I can do just tell me...", unless you are absolutely certain that you would do ANYTHING for them. Just don't say it. Because most people don't mean it. If you really want to do something for them, come up with the idea yourself, and then do it. Send them flowers, or a book, or bring over dinner for them.
I have been working on Potty training Presley for a full 3 weeks now and we are finally done!!! Well besides night time thats another feat in itself. We are on day 3 of no accidents at all!! We have even went to springfield and back which is about 2 hours each way and still no accident. Shes been great through it all. She actually woke up one morning wanting to do it, so i went with it. Im so proud of her. She gets up in the morning and is alittle wet and she goes into the bathroom and takes her pull-up off goes to the potty and asked to be cleaned up. Ahhh shes growing up too fast. Little Avery is right on her heels though. So as soon as i know Presley is pretty well done with the potty training bit i will start on Avery. She hates dirty diapers and actually tells me when she is about to pee or poo or will let me know if shes dirty. But i dont think i can do two at once right now, im not that patient haha. She loves to just go and sit on the potty so if shes really ready i will start her next. Man that would be so nice to get rid of diapers all together. Averys slower at talking than Presley was,( she cant really get a word in with presley haha) but she has started saying more things, she currently says, Mama, daddy, bug, water, flower, gum, more, thank you, please, grandpa, grandma, Nana, Papa, Jojo, diaper, baby, book, cookie, im sure theres more i just cant think of them all right off the top of my head. Shes having bottle withdrawls right now, this is her third day without it, and when she wakes up in the morining she will ask for it, and i will give her a sippy cup and she will throw a fit, and start bawling and throw the cup! The red head in her comes out!! She has a temper and when she gets mad she goes for what ever is in her way. Im still trying to break her of it but its not working yet. Well im off to bed its 2:30, i think i am getting a touch of insomnia and have been fighting it alot more lately so i need to go try to get some sleep.
ugh i am so irrate right now, it is 12:37 the girls are still not asleep and we put them to bed @ 9:00. We put avery in her todler bed last week some days its good other nights its horrible. Tonight being one of them, so i am putting her bed back up tomorrow, i walk in to check on them about 30 min ago thinking they were asleep b/c it was soo quite haha i was so wrong, they found my craft bin i had hidden under the bed (they never look under there) and had decided to PAINT themselved yes paint!! It was that craft paint that does not come off easily, so i have been scrubbing them, presley was covered head to toe no spot left uncovered her hair everything, avery was begining to look the same way, Her cute little night gown now ruined, they got alittle on their new rug i just got them, luckily they were too busy painting themselves & a clothes bin in there they hadnt got much on anything else. Presley just kept saying mommy i love you, mommy i love you haha suck up . Im just tired of it night after night, Sorry no pictures this time haha. I just thought it would be easy for avery to transition shes so good with everything else but i guess i was wrong. Well i hear them again so i am off to put them back into bed, Good night :)