Weddings are interesting, especially when they are your own.




You don't always feel like you're getting married or that you're a bride.
There's not an always-present excitement that feels the same way wedding cake tastes.

You feel really self-conscious, and nervous about your bridal shower. Everyone's gonna watch you open allllll the presents, and you haven't even had a birthday party since you were five and it only included 2 guests. You also feel nervous about everyone having access to your wedding registry. It's like your ultimate Christmas list! You're not sure you want them to know that you really want a very expensive pepper mill.

When you have a handful of other friends getting married before you, you suddenly realize how unoriginal the original details are. Weddings are like the items on a Taco Bell menu. Every wedding is made up from the same ingredients, they're just arranged in different ways.

You may find you're looking forward to getting away from everyone after the wedding a lot more than you're looking forward to seeing anyone at the wedding. As surprising as this may be to a bride who's been planning her wedding for the past 25 years, it's a good thing.

However, you may still discover that your little perfectionist/OCD tendencies ring true as ever in planning the unoriginal original details. Your head is telling you, "This party is only going to last 2 hours" but the little girl inside you STILL worries about whether or not the cute little cupcake wrappers are going to discolor in the oven.

You may wonder how you can be a bride...after all, your bedroom is still a mess and your neck hurts and your slouching as you type. You don't really look or feel like a bride...and that's ok, because sometimes brides just don't look or feel like a bride. They look and feel like a MANIAC! And that's perfectly acceptable.

You may feel unsure how to start from scratch. After all, you grew up in your mother's house. But just because you're mother owns it, doesn't mean you need to put it on the registry: an egg slicer, a glass cow creamer, a straw holder... You may have grown up with these items, but you will survive if they are not on your own counter top the day you get back from the honeymoon.

You may obsess over your engagement ring/wedding band. You may wonder if you have an abnormal finger or if the ring is abnormal because one day it feels snug and the next day it feels loose and whether it's snug or loose, the 1/2 carat diamond never stays in place, it slips to the side or sometimes the underside of your fingers and every once in a while it stabs your fiance when your are holding hands with each other.

You may already feel married to your fiance because he's your best friend and you tell him "I really have to go to the bathroom!!!" without feeling embarrassed, which you were never able to do with another guy ----- and that might confuse you because it's weird already to feel married while you are still planning your wedding.

You may feel undeserving. Lots of good girls you know are still looking for Prince Charming, and so you feel guilt pains all in your gut because you finally get to wear a white dress and kiss your Superman but all these other girls have to wait....and wait...and wait.... and that makes you feel like dirt.

You may be a little sad when you realize you can't invite your dog to the wedding.

You may be a little happy when you find out certain people can't come to the wedding...

You may be a little sad when you find out some of your favorite friends are a few days after the wedding to visit with your family -- "But I'll be GONE!" you think, a little insulted. And then you'll realize you'll be gone on your HONEYMOON, and that's a good thing.

You may be afraid that you'll faint during the wedding. You hear that when some people faint, they wet themselves. Then you realize you're wearing your mother's discolored white wedding dress, and nobody will even notice.

You may be afraid that you'll cry so much all your make-up comes off. If you have allergies and can only wear 1 kind of make-up, then there's a huge possibility that it's going to smear all over your face. Get over it.

You may become Bridezilla. If your parents have beaten submission and kindness into you as you grew up, you may still become Bridezilla. Like, you might say that you don't want ANY baby's breath because you really don't like that flower. And then you'll think about changing your mind, but you won't. In that moment, you might feel a little powerful, like a Bridezilla.

You may decide to nix some very traditional wedding traditions. Like the bouquet toss. This may seem unfair to the single girls, because after all, you went on your first date with your fiance just a week after catching a bouquet at a friend's wedding. But you still decide to nix that tradition. In this moment, you may feel evil, just like a Bridezilla.

You may forget your wedding countdown. You may get the countdown wrong. You may think it's 81 days until your wedding and then when you count down to make sure, you discover it's only 80 days until your wedding. This makes your day, like for a whole 24 hours. Then you forget again.

You may find excuses to flash your ring at people, even strangers.

During yours and your fiance's marriage study with the preacher, you may find it really hard not to blush... like, A LOT.

As you bemoan the many days left until your wedding day, lots of people will say, "A couple of months before the wedding, you'll wish you had more time" or they might say, "Enjoy the this time before the wedding" --- this may seem odd to you. If you wanted more time, you would have planned a longer engagement. And you do enjoy this time before the wedding but of all things, if you enjoyed it a WHOLE lot, there would be NO WEDDING!......you may never figure this out. Probably your friends are just trying to help you deal with the long engagement, or they are just getting sick of hearing you whine about it. Move on.

You may move a few things to his apartment before the wedding. If you forget you have done this, then you'll be really surprised to see your stuff at his place the next time you go over.

You may look like a high school student. This may make things awkward when you go to visit your fiance.....if he's a high school teacher.

Wedding planning isn't quite like it is in the movies/stories. It's not all about taste-testing and wedding dress shopping. However, the guest list fiasco REALLY IS just as bad as in the movies.



...Really, when it comes down to it, the whole shindig is a little frustrating at times and very imperfect at other times. But there are precious moments to box and treasure always, and at the end of the day, there's a very precious man who finds a way to make the frustrations funny and the imperfections beautiful. At the end of the day, it'll be one of a kind, yours and his very own story. And that's worth a one hundred box office hits.

Today was a fantastic day off! I love having Wednesdays off. In the morning, I went to the Ladies' Bible Study. Then I bought a welcome mat, a pot of cactus (not the pointy kind), and a card, and set up a little welcome scene for my fiance outside his apartment for when he stopped by his place between work and Bible class tonight. He loved it! And no nosy neighbors read the card because I hid it under the mat. I can't wait to be his wife and be the one to welcome him home instead of a little plant (albeit a cute little plant)!

I did get a little lost on my way to his apartment. I've been there about 5 times but was never the driver. I totally missed my turn or something, but luckily I was able to find my way! His part of town is so much busier than mine! It's a little bit scary and is going to take a whole lot of getting used to!


So.... Mando is the best. He's laid back and yet a very hard worker. He's sensitive to others' needs and yet emotionally stable. He has a sense of humor but he does not use it to belittle others or even himself. He's very self-conscious and looks at God's word with an honest heart -- yet, he doesn't put himself down and he is merciful to others. He cooks a mean fajita but he praises my fajitas more than his own. He is very friendly but he does not put himself in the spot light. He is slow to wrath. He is quick to sing. He goes a long way on very little sleep. He talks in his sleep (I know because he did so over the phone). He loves my family almost as much as he loves his own. He takes care of the sick, he respects the elderly, he adores babies. I am so incredibly blessed to be engaged to this Christian man! :)

some of the most ill-thought-out things are posted on facebook.

What on earth is wrong with me? Years ago, I posted multiple times a day.....


In other news...



I'M GETTING MARRIED! :)

I am back from my trip. I got to FL last Tuesday just as I began to get sick. Tuesday evening-Thursday night, I lay around at Kathryn's house, achey with a fever. "I did not pay $$$ to get sick on my trip!" I tried not to hang around Kathryn too much because the baby is due next month and she really doesn't need to come down with the flu. So Thursday I spent a lot of time in my room and that evening Stef came and sat with me and made a Chik-Fil-A run. Never have I appreciated their fruit cup more! The fever broke for good in the middle of the night, and the next morning I was off to Hannah's wedding. I won't say it went off without a hitch... but I'll let her write about that. Anyways, we got them married!!

One of the highlights of the trip was going to Cracker Barrel with Bethany&Travis on the way home from the wedding and then talking the rest of the way in the car. They let me ask them about their wedding and their first year of marriage and they gave me helpful, honest answers. It was really special getting to catch up with them. I also got to play with my cousin's little boy on Monday night. I don't get many opportunities to play with kids, and lately have been wondering if I'm really any good with the boogers. But Monday night Silas and I played, played, played and it was really exciting and he made me feel like a true woman haha. I didn't even realize how much I was enjoying my visit with Stefanie (which was severely limited due to being sick!!) until I dropped her back off at the school Monday night and got back to Kathryn's house to pack and cried and cried for missing her already.

I am so glad Hannah is now Mrs. Shaffer! The only thing that would've made it happier is if she too were well. When I got back from the wedding and lay in my bed at Kathryn's, trying to get to sleep, I wondered why the affair was bittersweet. I REALLY did not expect to feel anything but joy for her, but I realized she has now entered a realm I cannot relate to and her wedding day dreams are completed, as well. A section of our girlhood days are ended and womanhood awaits just as soon as I can catch up and enter that stage of life, too! And I think I will... it amazes me how God is always putting me and Hannah in similar situations just as though He knows we need each other to learn from and grow with =)

that's all for now!