A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.

The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a

hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde,

"But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

This is handy, I picked up a few tricks. http://community.tmlewin.co.uk/videos/how-iron-shirt

The economy is so bad that: I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing miniature golf. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel 6 won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words. They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street". Finally, I called the suicide hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

My little brother is mentally handicapped. I asked him who he would vote for for president. He said with out hesitation "Reagan".

Jay Leno said politics come from the root word "poli" meaning many, and the suffix "tics" meaning blood suckers.

Lewis Grizzard was Editor for Atlanta newspaper till his passing. He had a great idea. From across this great land choose the most moral the wisest of the population. Put them in office for ONE year, and at the end of that year, look back over their voting record to decide which politicians are allowed to live.

JOKE: I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 7-year-old granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"

She said "It's President's Day!" She is a smart kid.

I asked "What does President's Day mean?" (waiting for something
...about Washington or Lincoln, etc.)

She said, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the
White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of
unemployment."

You know . . . it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose . . .

Ole lived across River from Clarence who he didn't like at all.

They all the time were yelling across the river at each other.

Ole would yell to Clarence, "If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by golly!"

This went on for years. Finally the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses.

Ole's wife, Lena, says, "Now is you chance, Ole, vhy don't you go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you vould?"

Ole says, "OK, by yimmy I tink I vill do yust dat" Ole started for the bridge but he sees a sign on the bridge an he stops to read it, then he turns around and comes back home.

Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?"

Ole said, "Lena, I tink I change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence, you know, dey put a sign on da bridge dat says "Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in." You know, he don't look near dat big vhen I yell at him from across da river"