well, silly me. i had this long depressing blog that i was going to post. but then i sat on the floor of my room and looked through my art portfolio. there's this one painting i did that's sort of mediocre...but if i tell you about it you'll have a good idea of what a real artist could have done..

it's a painting of many branches in the top half of a forest...no leaves, just branches.. all of the branches are very dull dark colors.. like brown and grey and the background is also a dingy grey blue color. in the middle of the picture though, is an orange bird. bright orange and yellow.

i had an english teacher once that when he would give an example of a simile, he always said 'hope is a bird.' he said it was from a poem, but he never finished it. well, that little orange bird is like hope to me. yes, the world is grey and dark, and sometimes you don't see a light anywhere, but it's there. it's the little song bird that's sitting strong on one of those dark branches.

hope is a bird. i have hope in life.. even though i once thought it was a four letter word. Christ gave me hope. i will stand strong, i will face this world, for He will never forsake me. and whatever i need He will provide. yes, i may not have money in life, i may not have the best job, but if i'm serving Christ.. i need nothing more.

i guess that all sounds sort of random. i'm just on my way to figuring this whole 'life puzzle' thing out.

thanx for letting me ramble.. that is, if you read this far..

:P

saying of the day: "i used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out."

the Lord is my rock.

recent events have brought me to ponder things about my life. in other words...watch out, i'm thinking deep thoughts. (note: i am not responsible for any confusion, frustration, or aggravation...i blame it all on when i fell on my head when i was little)

i ask myself all the time why i'm still here. i wonder why i haven't taken my own life to end all of this. because i have a lot of pain. there are a lot of things in my past that are keeping my present from being what it should be. i know, i know...we all have things that haunt us, we all have scars on our souls. but that is what makes us who we are. i really agree with the saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'...it is a good point. all the pain and tears we experience will help to shape us into what we will be one day.

so many people worry about this thing called 'love.' well, i am only 18, but i have some advice. how can we pray about something and then say we prayed in faith if all we do is worry about it? we prayed to God, our Creator, our King. how dare we doubt His will. how dare you cry about whether or not your latest 'crush' smiled at you or will pay attention to you. God has a plan for you...and me. if i keep asking for something that i shouldn't have, as israel kept asking for a king, i will be the only one responsible for my unhappiness. how dare i let my past consume me, thereby pushing away the friends i have. how dare we lose a moment of sleep, when we have given the problem to our Maker.

the Lord is my Rock. just let Him be yours, and the pain you have will fade. you will wonder why you stopped smiling.

"The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower." Psalm 18:2

what more can we ask for?

i love you all. otherwise i wouldn't say anything. i promise.

I think the question most often asked without any true cause is
"why?" People are always searching for some answer to that question as
though it will change their problem and make it easier or help them cope with
it. The truth that I see is that no one probably wants to see that
answer. I could turn and look at what's going on in my life, as everyone else
can, and ask "why God, why?" But I would already know the answer to
that. Some things in our lives are brought on because we make choices that
aren't wise. Some come as trials we must get through to learn and become
stronger. Yes, some days you wish for a time when the only reason you had to be
sad was that it was raining outside. Sometimes you wonder how long it will take
to get over your problems. I must admit at times I don't want to know, because
then I will have to go through the pain of coping with them to find that out.
But we do not grow up, become mature, and learn about the truths in our world if
we are never in pain or hurt. Without those things, this would be Heaven. And
that is why we long for it so much.
"God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good to me."
There were no clouds in the sky today, and I know it was just for me. Last night
I was painting until almost five o'clock a.m., and I was with one other person that
stayed just to help me. Someone cares for me that much. I know I don't deserve it. it's times like that when i find myself sitting in the comfort of contentment, and wondering why i ever leave it.

Well, the sets are done, FINALLY...at least for me. so i can start working on homework that was due this week. not a good start for my grades. oh well.

how come no one commented on the pic? i thought it was hilarious, personally.

saying of the day: "If at first you don't succeed, redefine success."

:P

sorry about being all philosophical. if it doesn't make sense i blame it on the total of 12 hours of sleep i've had the past three nights. oi.