Lost In Translation

I am beginning to feel that, not so long ago, I was a much different person than I am now. A person old enough to understand that I do not know everything and cannot see all ends, but young enough to live life with bold purpose in spite of that fact. Ready to make mistakes, and ready to learn from them. But somehow, over the last three years, I have lost myself. They have been the happiest three years of my life, and for that I am grateful. For those, and God-willing many more to come. But now, at the age of 26, I am beginning to encounter a problem that I don't see others having at such a young age.
Shakespeare speaking through Hamlet said it best:

The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all.
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and movement
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.

So, here is the problem: I have a very restless and adventerous spirit of youth trapped inside me, with a very austere and mature understanding of consequence. I feel very stagnate. My resolve is "sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought." Every decision I make, I question. And it wasn't always so. When I was younger, I made decisions quickly, using my best judgement and a conscience strengthened by God's Word, and prayed that God would give me strength to smooth the wrinkles that would inevitably come. But now, as a married woman, I find that thoughts of consequence in every decision have indeed made a coward of me. Almost as if I cower at the thought living my life for fear of doing it wrong.

Jim and I just watched "The Dead Poets Society." Granted, it's a movie and Hollywood has a way of romanticizing ideas, but that film did have a good one: "Carpe Diem." In other words: seize the day, live life with passion. Sound advice for someone like me, who seems to have reached a plateau in my life. I obviously should not live with as much passion as the character Neil (who commited suicide because he couldn't live his dream).

After careful consideration, I have decided that a little more passion and a little less apathy would be just what I need to grab a parachute and jump off that plateau. Who knows, maybe I'll learn not to fear life, but to live it in God's service better than I ever have before, rather than sitting here drowning in self-pity. And so I end with this: "Carpe Diem." -- Seize the day! =o)
  • holly_ann
    I do understand what you mean when you say you question every decision. I question things to the point of never making a decision sometimes. One year into my job and I'm STILL wondering if I made the right call. You're right though, we just have to LIVE! Stop being scared about every little thing- because when we are gone most of the things we worry about won't matter.

    I wish Seize the Day translated into a trip to Italy for us. :)
    by holly_ann at 05/08/08 5:01AM
  • muskelly
    Haha, yeah tell me about it! I wish that it translated into that, too. It would definately be a nice intermission from every day life. Maybe next year ;o).
    by muskelly at 05/18/08 3:38PM