Witt and Wisdom from a truly great philosopher

at 01/28/10 9:14AM
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.






  • whipsmile
    LOVE me some Groucho!
    by whipsmile at 01/28/10 9:16AM
  • shellman
    All that wisdom... and a great 'stache!
    by shellman at 01/28/10 10:29AM
  • turtle_girl
    The funny thing about your baby ticker now is that it makes it look like the babies have soooo much room to float around. I think I know someone who might disagree with that.
    by turtle_girl at 01/28/10 11:33AM
  • nacmacfeegle
    "Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
    I am still laughing at the absolute brillance of that statement.



    by nacmacfeegle at 01/28/10 2:09PM
  • jabberwock
    If you're interested, I should be available Saturday to help with the Remodel of Joy. Let me know what your needs are.
    by jabberwock at 01/28/10 2:18PM