This is going to be random and short lived and disorganized and badly written. Sleep has eluded us this week. Both my girls showed up with ear infections and one of them had a raging one. It was infected all the way down the canal and into the ear drum. This resulted in a whole lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth...mostly hers, but some of mine, too. I was up with the second instance of ear problems last night. MUCH of the night. If you couple that with a snoring buzz saw in the house, well--I just didn't sleep.
I came across a few strange people today. One of them was driving a low riding truck that had a purple bumper, a tan tailgate, and a blue body. The most notable thing about him, though, was his fancy stenciled sticker in his back window. "Who farted?" it said. Well. I don't know, fella. I'm gonna guess you. Maybe less crass talk and more driving faster than 35.
Then I saw a dude running in a green t-shirt with an ipod strapped to his arm. Why is that strange? Because people don't jog in the country. They just don't. They walk with gas cans. They smoke on their porches. But they don't jog with ipods. So I found that worth noting.
I am trying to sell my OLD van right now on Craigslist. Some fella named Manny called me with absolutely no command of English. As it turned out, he wasn't interested in my car. He was interested in HELPING me SELL my car. But he was unable to describe what he could do for me. If you can't speak English or spell my name, I'm not likely to ask for your help in selling my car. Thanks anyway.
I am finally back to memorizing in the New Testament again. I have been so weak and tired and stupid and undisciplined. So I found my old, favored new testament and began to refresh the chapters I used to know. I felt peaceful today as I recited Romans 12 over and over to myself, trying to get it back. I also was amazed at the extreme language Paul uses. ABHOR what is evil. CLING TO what is good. He doesn't say avoid evil and mosey toward good. His language is strong. And I am going to learn and grow from it.
If you offered to shoot me in the face right now, I probably wouldn't let you, but I'd have to think about it hard first. My sinuses have only hurt me this bad one other time in my life and it was right before Jenna was born. I remember going to the OB and begging her to give me something. I had tried every homemade thing on the planet. I had been sleeping BOLT upright in a chair for many days. My teeth were aching. If you can't give me medicine, I said, then kill me and take the baby alive. Name her Jenna. Call her father. Tell them all I love them. Oh, now, Missy. Settle down. I can give you something better than death. I loved Patti that day. Almost enough to name Jenna, Patti. But not quite.
Now, I am in the mountains, mostly suffering. The scenery is gorgeous and the people are great. But more than half of us feel horrid and we've done virtually nothing since we got here. What can you do when the mom has a demon sinus infection and the two youngest kids have been vomiting? You pray a lot, which is good. But memories have to be made in moments that you snatch as they go by. We've done pretty well. Today, we drove up to Newfound Gap to play in a few leftover snow piles in the parking lot. Gross, dirty, icy, snow. But we live in Florida. Floridians aren't picky about their snow.
While I don't really see the humor in this week's situation quite yet, I can tell you there are details that others would find funny. And when I'm not feeling so much like having you shoot me, I will tell those.
For tonight, I shall sleep.
And as for last night, this morning I took my girl's hands and told her that Mommy had acted like a pretty big baby last night. Throwing my own little temper tantrum. I told her I had asked God's forgiveness and I wanted to ask hers, too. She had no trouble offering it and the day went on...
I think God gives us guilt for a reason. To keep us in check. To remind us in a painfully tangible way of the lessons we learn in a moment. These reminders last longer than the moment. And sometimes mine are painful.
Sometimes I wish for super powers. The two I want more than anything are the power to teleport and the power to turn back the clock. If only we got the power to live the bad moments, learn from them, and then IMMEDIATELY relive them, how great would we be as people.
Tonight I am just as sad as I can be about my complete overreaction to a situation caused by my 6 year old. I am on a trip with the kids and my parents. Apparently I am somewhat on edge, because my fuse was shorter than the situation deserved. I was bound and determined to get them all in bed on time because they've been up way too late 3 nights in a row. We've come through vomit and I have a sinus infection. So I wanted them in bed. The 6 year old was goofing off more than she was supposed to be and in the course of the goofing off, she lost control of a stuffed Pooh Bear, which hit a nearby glass of water and knocked it over. It spilled into the the warm dry bed and made it cold and wet. It spilled on her sister's head. In my mind, it ruined bedtime. And I was mad.
I let her know it, too. All too clearly. I smacked her on the leg, which I regret. I said too many things. I don't even remember the all, but I bet she will. I had to strip the bed, dry the pillow cases, dry the sheets (only one set), etc.
It did delay bedtime, that's for sure. But my tirade did not speed the process up any.
She was being a kid.
We're on vacation.
And I feel like she'll remember this night for the wrong reasons forever.
I apologized for being too harsh.
We made up.
And now I am sitting in the Smoky Mountains under a blanket of guilt, relearning the lessons, reliving the moments, wishing for that time machine super power, and longing to start over with her tomorrow.
I need to make this lesson stick. The only time machine I have is one that goes forward. If I steer it right, this can still work out the way I want it to...
15 days ago I started the 506th diet of the last 7 years. All of the previous 505 failed due to lack of emotional fortitude on my part. I just didn't make myself do it. I got close a couple of times and sort of lost a little baby weight. But I gave up halfway in and that was that. Years went by. I found the pounds I had lost and they brought friends home. Soon, I was seeing a man weight on my scale.
So I started the Paleo diet. And I was staunchly dedicated to it. But everytime I went to their websites, I wanted to punch them. Their tone was so elitist and smarmy. So smug. So "HOW COULD YOU EAT A TWINKIE or EVER VISIT CHICK-FIL-A"? Ick. But still we forge on. They are mostly right about many things. About a few things, after some research, I have decided they should step off and let me have my flax again. Good grief. And while a white potato is not nutritionally dense, it also will not kill me. So, come on, people.
So, yesterday I ate a couple of millet and flax chips that have brown rice flour in them (dead Paleo people are rolling in their graves and trying to hit me with petrified biscuits) and tonight I had a potato cooked with my paleo roast. Mmm.
A couple of you asked how I was doing this with a family. Well, the husband is completely on board, so there's no problem there. We just work out recipes that work for both the diet and the kids. My kids eat practically all meats except fish. And we force the veggies on them, at least in small doses. Occasionally, they eat trashy foods and we eat salads on our own, but mostly it isn't interrupting the family table at all.
I've been off sugar and caffeine for 15 days. I only miss them in concept and when I catch a whiff of something really great. I've been off refined flours and grains and dairy for 15 days, too. When my 30 days is up, I'll add back in some good yogurt, no doubt. And I'll add back in whole grain bread NO DOUBT. Man, I miss sandwiches.
I have lost 8.5 pounds and found 8.5 pounds of energy. I have less joint pain and my jeans don't look so ridiculous.
Here's to making this a lifestyle change...not just a diet.
But to all the elitists in the world, I will say: take it down a notch. We're trying. :)
I kinda think so now. I never really put a lot of stock into this. But back in the day, I had a lot of time on my hands and I exercised rigorously and daily. I did 5ks regularly and sprint triathlons when I could. Then I had my 3rd child, followed rather immediately by my 4th. The weight stayed on. Extra time was out the door.
About 152 diets have come and gone in the last 6 years. Occasionally, I would have a smidge of luck and I'd drop 6 or 8 pounds. But then, I'd gain it back and it brought friends. I needed to lose 12 pounds. Then 20. Now 25. It was starting to freak me out a little.
Besides the fact that I was outgrowing clothes I liked, I really felt strongly that my slovenly lifestyle was dragging me down spiritually as well. I couldn't prove it, but I felt sure they were linked.
Then my sister-in-law joined me up with a few of her friends online and encouraged all of us to get into better fitness. I joined the group, not really yet motivated. But when I saw a post from one of her friends about a 30 day diet challenge, I read up on it and decided it sound interesting. Everyone who talked about it claimed it would change my life. The reviews were all good. And the best part was that it wasn't a gimmick or a big money making scheme. It was real food, minus some biggies. The diet is called the Paleo diet (short for Paleolithic) and encourages people to eat like they did YEARS ago, before white breads and rices, etc.
Here's what I can't have:
No sugar in ANY form. None of it.
No artificial sweeteners
No grains...breads and rices
No beans, except green beans.
I sat there and looked at that list and contemplated that it was 30 days. I can do anything for 30 days, right?
Well, we shall see. Today was Day 4 and i have to say, I DO believe it is changing my life. I feel better. The weight is dropping off. I have more energy. I had a 3 day Diet Mtn Dew withdrawal headache that I had to get past, but today I woke up pain-free. Drinking water is spectacular.
Mostly, I feel free. Free from the junk. SO MUCH junk I was eating.
After 30 days, i will probably add some degree of dairy back in to see what happens. Gradually I will add things. I will never go back to the junk.
Not surprising, I have found myself in the Word more this week.
I think big changes are coming. Big changes, smaller jeans? I hope...