Wish me luck.

Prayers would be appreciated too.

As children we have so many dreams and aspirations. Most of which are outlandish and we grow out of. Many of the rest are as reasonable as can be but because of circumstance we are never able to achieve.

At some point I did realize being a faerie and living in a world of dragons would never be possible...at least without some kind of severe mental break(which I haven't entirely ruled out as a reasonable course of action for my future).

So in general we tend to gravitate toward our more "realistic" hopes and dreams.

And then the money for school abroad never comes through.

But no matter what some bits and pieces of our childhood views of ourselves find a way into our grown-up lives.

I remember one of my biggest aspirations as a child was to get mail. I loved to meet the mailman at the mailbox and bring it in with the hope that there would be something for me, which there inevitably was not. Unless it was my birthday at which time I would receive a card from the chiropractor and occasionally from Minnie Mouse or a grandparent or aunt across the country.

I remember telling my parents how I wished I could get as much mail as them.

Sometimes my mother would let me open hers just to put a smile on my face.

But my parents always told me that it's really not very exciting. Most of what they receive is bills and ads. 99% of it just isn't worth having or is truly dreadful to open.

Well today I realized this dream has indeed come true.

And my parents were indeed right.

Why couldn't this be one of those thousands of childhood fantasies that just never came true?

Today's dreams-by-mail included a past due credit card bill that was supposed to be PAID OFF AND CLOSED and a health insurance card with the wrong information on it.

Oh to be so grown up :-/

So I did my taxes this week(still haven't failed but got all the paperwork done) and it's taken a little edge off my hatred for the government. Even though they refuse to give me money for school. And most of my state money is coming back to my pockets instead of toward free abortions provided to the lowest of income women who qualify for free health care with no copays for anything but that's a matter for another post. The government may not have been willing to give me money for tuition but they are redeeming themselve in that the feds are giving me an extra $1,009 back because of all my tuition and supplies. Plus $400 because I didn't get it last year?(Yeah, not really sure about this one but I'm not gonna complain)

The state has been slightly less generous. They are returning about $230 of the $370 I paid in. Oh yeah and they were kind enough not to charge me for my lack of health insurance due to my low income. But not kind enough to give me all my hard earned money back. I also feel about $200 short of the out-of-pocket amount necessary to get any kind of deduction or refund for school.

In conclusion, I heart the Feds. But Mass angers me greatly.

Which evens out to the government, in general, still being a mess. And horribly frustrating.

But I do love the $2,200 they'll be sending me next month :)

Maybe I'll use it to pay 1/5 of the personal loan I had to get to pay for massage school...

Reports vary greatly but coming into work I heard something like 300,000 people in New Hampshire are without power.

Everyone I know in NH has no power.

Mass has about 85,000 without.

According to my parents we had several power surges at the house while I was at school.

On my drive home the wind almost caused my death several times over, flooding made me wish I had a boat instead of a mini escort.

There was also downed branch with roughly the same diameter as my left thigh all the way across a main street.

Which I couldn't see through the torrential downpours until I was on top of it.

Luckily my car made it though in one, as far as I can tell, intact piece.

So we are fine but MANY are not.

Please pray for our friends and brethren in NH. I don't know how many have power back but I know that a large number still do not.

things just suck.

Sometimes, usually in fact, things just don't work out in our favor.

Sometimes everything comes crashing down on us all at once.
(And ya know, it's usually our own fault!)

Sometimes all we want to do is tell the world how bad we hurt so they can understand why we act the way we do.

Sometimes we're so desperate for comfort all we can do is shamelessly spout all of our probelms, pain and fear to anyone and everyone.

Sometimes that really is the best and only thing we can do.

But more often than not it is absolutely the worst course of action possible.

So how do we decipher when each is appropriate?

And more importantly, what exactly is to be done with all the pain and fear if we realize blindly grasping for comfort from the general public is NOT the way to go?

Yes, I know God is always there. He is our only chance of true and lasting comfort.

But what about the times when we just need someone here, someone to tell us it'll all be ok and hold onto us til the horror is over?

Because sometimes we really just need someone to hold onto, a voice in our lives keeping us grouded.