Four years?

Yup, it's been four years since Mom died. Four years today. Weird.

What's interesting is that it is only in the last month or so that I feel like I've started to come out of my soul-killing depression. This week has been long, very long, but I don't think it is really connected to the anniversary of Mom's death. Maybe a little, but not wholesale.


Thanks for the comments on the hymn. Part of me really likes it and part of me says, "You know, there is a lot of wasted space in that hymn; you could say more...." The result is that I am trying to rework the hymn. It's a good writing exercise, even if it doesn't produce a better draft. One thing which the hymn as is does not convey is the idea that we are supposed to do all these "love your neighbor" things BECAUSE "I am the LORD your God" ...which was what the passage in Leviticus seemed to say to me. Part of the difficulty in just saying THAT is, well, the rhyme: "God" is a notoriously hard syllable to rhyme without it sounding like you are forcing the rhyme. (Note: Forced rhymes are bad.) I'm fiddling with it, though.


That's all I can think of at the moment. And, I'm tired.

  • tryphena
    Forced rhymes are definitely bad. Cringeworthy.

    Ah, your mother! I still have her name listed in my Contacts, so when I look up your address, there she is. :-) I could update the info, but I like the reminder.

    Grieving time is different for each person and each circumstance. It is a relief to see you coming out of the dark place you've been in. Such a relief!

    Love you!
    by tryphena at 07/09/17 1:26PM
  • sjean
    Well we have you and your mother to thank for our sweet puppy. I am glad you are coming out of the depression. I know that is tough.
    by sjean at 07/10/17 8:43AM

Hymninar 2017

Hymninar 2017 has started.
  • ceoltoir
    Have fun!
    by ceoltoir at 06/05/17 5:22PM
  • sjean
    I hear it is going well. I hope you are having a blast!
    by sjean at 06/07/17 5:18PM
  • grandmadiane
    Suck everything in while you're there and come wring yourself out here when it's over!
    by grandmadiane at 06/09/17 1:10PM
  • sjean
    Mark said it was a really good week. What sticker did you have on your folder?
    by sjean at 06/10/17 6:39PM
  • meditationis
    ^"Celebrate Diversity" with about 20 different handguns pictured. :-)
    by meditationis at 06/11/17 2:16PM
  • sjean
    Haha. So are you wearing that around your home state?? That would raise a few eyebrows.
    by sjean at 06/14/17 11:19AM

Hello? Hello?

Still alive.

Still working.

Still cleaning the house.

  • mayflower
    by mayflower at 01/19/17 11:33PM
  • misssonja
    Sounds pretty much like what I'm doing, hah
    by misssonja at 01/19/17 11:53PM
  • ceoltoir
    Me too ... except not really cleaning.
    by ceoltoir at 01/20/17 1:23AM
  • tryphena
    by tryphena at 01/20/17 7:44AM
  • sjean
    Hi! Three good things in a row!
    by sjean at 01/20/17 8:13PM
  • whipsmile
    by whipsmile at 01/23/17 2:56PM
  • sjean
    So what are your latest projects. Have you been inspired by anything at the fabric shop?
    by sjean at 01/29/17 2:50PM
  • this_old_man
    Happy Birthday Sarah!
    by this_old_man at 01/31/17 8:41AM
  • cyber_space_cadet
    by cyber_space_cadet at 01/31/17 10:00AM
  • bandmom
    Happy belated birthday, Sarah!
    by bandmom at 02/02/17 9:56AM
  • sjean
    Looks like I missed your birthday. Let me be the latest to wish you happy birthday.
    by sjean at 02/03/17 8:11PM
  • truckerswife
    Same though I need to clean house today and haven't got the energy to do it.
    by truckerswife at 02/06/17 12:25PM
  • grandmadiane
    Oh, Sarah I hope you had a lovely birthday! I'm so sorry I missed it but I hope you were showered with enough blessings that they last a lifetime!
    by grandmadiane at 02/06/17 6:38PM
  • cyber_space_cadet
    Thank you, Sarah! Love you! ♥
    by cyber_space_cadet at 02/21/17 4:19PM
  • sjean
    Well. I haven't been over here in quite a while. Looks like I missed your birthday. Hope it was good. How is everything going? Precious is still acting like a big puppy.
    by sjean at 03/31/17 1:59PM
  • grandmadiane
    You are missed beyond measure! Hope the job is still working out and you and the puppies are doing well.
    by grandmadiane at 05/19/17 4:27PM

Jehovah Jireh

It was a weird week or so. I applied to do a deed in lieu of foreclosure on Tuesday and my request was denied on Thursday. So the sheriff's sale was on. I arranged to have my sister come up to get stuff from my house and take it to my brother's, and arranged to have folks come help me pack/load on Saturday. Then my sister had to back out, so I cancelled that, hours after sending out the first email. Then, on Friday, the elders told me they wanted to bring my mortgage current (and help me going forward), so I requested a payoff amount on . I got that amount on Monday and the elders wired the money to the mortgage company, reinstating my mortgage, on Tuesday.

I had mentioned to some folks at work that I was moving, because of a foreclosure, and when I mentioned to one person that the church had reinstated my mortgage, her first words were: "Jehovah Jireh!"

God will provide, indeed.

Now, my front room looks like a cardboard factory crashed into it.

(Okay, it doesn't now, because I finally organized that.)

  • misssonja
    That was a roller coaster ride, but at least it ended well.
    by misssonja at 10/27/16 7:20PM
  • tryphena
    This is an exercise in trusting the setup that God has put in place.

    Keep the organizing going! You're doing so well!!
    by tryphena at 10/27/16 8:51PM
  • ceoltoir
    Wow. Just wow.

    by ceoltoir at 10/27/16 10:09PM
  • cyber_space_cadet
    by cyber_space_cadet at 10/28/16 9:48AM
  • this_old_man
    Happy for you.
    by this_old_man at 10/28/16 11:56AM
  • wifelet
    Praise God! :) And praise Him for His good plan.
    by wifelet at 10/28/16 3:35PM
  • whipsmile
    That just gave me chills!!!!! Praise God!

    by whipsmile at 10/30/16 3:13PM
  • sjean
    That is such great news.
    by sjean at 11/01/16 3:49PM
  • deputyheadmistress
    That rollercoaster ride gave me whiplash. I can't imagine how you felt, but the end is such a relief!
    by deputyheadmistress at 11/07/16 4:24PM
  • bandmom
    SO thankful for you! (((HUG)))
    by bandmom at 12/05/16 7:59AM
  • granny
    Because of my absence, not knowing your story, I am so very thankful you continue to have a roof over your head.
    by granny at 01/06/17 11:20PM

Head, house, whatever


I had a cyst-like thing removed from my head a week or so ago and the stitches removed earlier this week. Pathology indicated there was no true cyst, just inflamed tissues. That's probably because I had already picked on Mr. Cyst enough to get chunks of stuff out of it. If it comes back, the doc will cut into my head again. Maybe she'll go deep enough to find my brains....

Some of you already know, but I'm going to be losing my house, one way or another in the next little bit. The foreclosure process continued and a sheriff's sale has been set for October 19. When I have to leave the house will be up the seller. I'm trying to work out something called a "deed in lieu of foreclosure" wherein I would basically transfer the deed to the lender and leave the house. Depending on the program, I could have three months to move.

Move where, of course is the question. Anita, being the wonderful soul she is, and some of the other folks at Avon are trying to work on a solution there, such as an apartment or temporary lodgings in someone's house. The dogs are an issue, but there may be possibilities there.

So, what I'm doing is packing and cleaning and trying to figure out what to do next. I'm looking into filing for disability of some kind, due to my depression and some medical issues. Not sure how that all works.

In other news, I just finished a book called "The Black Banners: The Inside Story of 9/11 and the War on Al-Qaeda" by Ali H. Soufan. Soufan was an FBI agent during the relevant time period and writes a good book laying it all out. I was fascinated and appalled, in turns. It made me angry at times. I listened to it as an audiobook. I'd forgotten some things and it was good to be reminded. Ironically, I was listening to it on the weekend of 9/11. I'd like to find a book from the CIA perspective, because Soufan is fairly critical of the institution (although he acknowledges the worth of many of the individual agents). One very interesting thing about the book was that parts of it was redacted by the government (specifically by the CIA) and Soufan left those redactions in. That is, the narrator said "redacted passage" or "blank" often, in certain parts of the story.

What else?

The job goes well. The dogs like their treats. The thyroid medication is helping.

Feel free to ask questions.
  • wifelet
    Sad to hear about the house. From a social worker perspective, I'd definitely advise looking into Social Security Disability - you'd have to get paperwork from your doctor, but with your medical history, I'd think it's at least a good possibility.
    by wifelet at 09/22/16 5:34PM
  • whipsmile
    Prayers going up for you. I'm sorry about the house situatuon.
    by whipsmile at 09/22/16 5:54PM
  • tryphena
    Every ending is also a new beginning. I think we're at least getting a plan figured out, so that's a relief.
    by tryphena at 09/22/16 7:38PM
  • grandmadiane
    This probably is going to be poorly worded this early in the morning and without much sleep but maybe foreclosure pushes you to do what you need to do but because of sentimental attachment and because making big life changes is hard you don't want to do. I think I am probably reflecting my life off on you but I know there are things in my life I should change but am stagnant, caught in the middle of a river with my feet entangled in branches I don't wish to fight. Maybe moving out means you get to move on with your life and move forward, choosing to live positively?

    Ps.. I miss our chats
    by grandmadiane at 09/23/16 5:53AM
  • ceoltoir
    I have decided to look at this development as a positive thing. Just as Anita and Diane have said, this is an opportunity to step forward into a better life. I love you and pray for you often.
    by ceoltoir at 09/23/16 2:23PM
  • tryphena
    I know I'm looking at this as Diane so eloquently puts it. I like the idea of wiping the slate clean and starting over...
    by tryphena at 09/23/16 2:40PM
  • cyber_space_cadet
    Yes, Yes, and Yes.
    Here's to New Beginnings, Sarah. (( ♥ ))
    by cyber_space_cadet at 09/23/16 4:43PM
  • sjean
    I agree with everyone above. I am so glad the job is working out too. That has turned out to be a good fit.
    by sjean at 09/25/16 8:35PM
  • bandmom
    I will continue to pray for you, that your faith will remain strong in the midst of change. (((HUGS)))
    by bandmom at 10/23/16 8:59AM