Last night I had the wierdest dream!

at 07/09/08 10:55AM

I dreamed that there was this fireman's pole in my house. When I went to investigate the fireman's pole my pitbulls came and pranced circles around it. For a while I joined them in their merriment until I decided to climb up the pole. When I reached the top, the pole turned into a spiral staircase that led back down. I thought to myself, "I wish that pole turned into stairs sooner!" Then my pitbulls followed me up the staircase and we came to a door. All four dogs went through the door without opening it. They just passed right through it. I tried to follow suite but the door would not let me pass. I tried pushing and pulling on the door futilly until I realized that the door had grown a door knob. I turned the knob and went through the door myself. On the other side there was a set of stadium bleachers (why are they called "bleacher"?) I climbed to the very top where I was pushed off the edge by some unknown force. I fell but did not wake up before hitting bottom. I landed on the ground but was unhurt. I thought, "Wow! That was fun!" so I ran back up the bleachers and jumped off of my own accord. Again, I hit the bottom and was uninjured but I was bored of that so I tried to find my way back to the fireman's pole. I found it but it wasn't the same pole that I had climbed up. This pole was different in that it was striped like a candy cane. I started to climb up this pole when my alarm clock woke me up.

When I woke up I was glad to see that my bed made of SHORTNIN BREAD was still as comfy as ever!!!!

by mammies_little_baby at 07/09/08 10:56AM
So do you drool on your pillow, or chew on it?

by dr_corndog at 07/09/08 11:55AM
cool i like not costin dimes

by mr_gates at 07/10/08 7:35PM
I do eat lots of SHORTNIN BREAD. Eating SHORTNIN BREAD helps counteract global warming.

by al_gore at 07/11/08 12:58PM
Yes it is. It is Ralph Nader's logic, and Ralph Nader always uses sound logic.

by ralph_nader at 07/14/08 12:17AM
Oh, no. I had the same kind of dreams when was going through metamorphasis. Now that I am a master sensei, I consider it just part of my training

by pleovillin at 07/21/08 6:25PM
quick stan! we need u towake up from ur shortnin bread slumber tube! we need ur help to defeat pleovilin!

by pleo_sidekick at 08/23/08 7:13PM

Making the Cut...

at 02/08/08 1:28PM

...into some SHORTNIN BREAD!!! Hello, my adoring fans! So glad that you have patiently waited for me. I know that a lot of things have happened since I posted but don't worry. All will be made known in due time.

The other day I was out on my property making my rounds when Remus (pit bull #3) brought me the loveliest little gift -- a dead possum. How charming. I revived said possum with a little SHORTNIN BREAD!! Didn't you see it coming? Of course, if people did eat their SHORTNIN BREAD then I would talk telepathically with all of you like I do with the possum now. Well, I'm going to go now and eat some you-know-what (That's SHORTNIN BREAD for those of you in the dark).

Stan

um...Hi

by cherry_blossom at 02/08/08 3:36PM
Stan! You're back!

by dr_corndog at 02/08/08 6:31PM
Wow, Stan... It's been a long time. Pit bulls scare me...

by starshine at 02/13/08 2:53PM
You should have a shnowzer instead...

by starshine at 02/13/08 2:53PM
I just consumed an entire cake of shortnin bread and--yes! I can hear you now! Stan! Your voice sounds like Robert Novak!

by al_gore at 02/25/08 10:58PM
hey stan my man hey that rimed

by mr_gates at 03/25/08 6:48PM

09/05/06 11:57PM

Of all the years I've spent on this earth I think I would most like to relive my years as a 2-year old...not quite sure why.

In other news...the pit bulls and I went on a little field trip this past weekend. Yup, took 'em all down to the dreaded VET on Saturday. I love the vet. I'm sure they do too. However, this particular visit left a horrid hole in my pocket. The vet discovered that three of my four precious pitbulls have got worms. Poor guys. I really feel sorry for them. Of course, most of the time they are the only other living things in the house besides me. They are my lifeline. Like, if I ever go on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? and I get stumped on a question, guess who I'm calling? Yeah, you guessed it. These guys know everything.

Well, time to put them to bed. Good night to all and yadda yadda yadda.

Stan out.

I sure hope it wasn't the shortnin bread that gave your pitbulls worms. It'd be a shame if it turned out that you'd been vaunting the wonders of shortnin bread and then it turns out that it gives people worms.

by dr_corndog at 09/06/06 6:30AM
Umm... you didn't mention SHORTNIN' BREAD!!! Are you sure your dogs are the only ones not feeling well?

by rakushun at 09/06/06 6:32AM
The reason for this is that Dubya Bush has put a high tax on shortnin bread that makes the popular delicacy extremely hard to come by. I feel your pain, Stan, and the pain of all other shortnin bread lovers hurt by this unfair tax.

by al_gore at 09/08/06 2:31PM
Shortnin bread gives you Jimmy's Syndrome, which is a rare disease which makes your say retarded things and wear your hair way too long.

by manlymanoftheunknown at 09/23/06 11:15PM
Haha!!! Wow...

by reesescup at 09/26/06 4:16PM
Congratulations, Stan. You have been selected as one of my possible running mates.

by al_gore at 10/08/06 8:51AM
uh no

by sirtalkalot at 10/11/06 2:48PM
Your YEARS as a two-year-old? Exactly how many years would that be?

by starshine at 10/11/06 4:30PM
unfortunately..i am related to that guy

by beard_989 at 10/11/06 9:50PM
Shortnin bread! That's what's for dinner!

by the_king_of_hyrule at 10/18/06 10:04PM
So, when you go back in time in your shortnin bread machine, I assume you're going to take some SHORTNIN BREAD to snack on, huh?

by starshine at 10/25/06 2:49PM
Stan, you crack me up.

by starshine at 10/25/06 3:00PM
What's this? Green eyebrows? How absurd! Zelda's eyebrows are a lovely shade of thinly-drawn black, not green! And as for hotness, I don't think any amount of shortnin bread could possibly make her any hotter than she already is. I mean, look at her!

by the_king_of_hyrule at 10/27/06 4:56PM
hi i'm new on here

by mellow_creme at 11/02/06 11:06AM
Hey how are you doing today

by bama_babe_101 at 12/08/06 6:49PM
You need to update. I'm salivating for another delictable entry!

by jessie_the_grump at 01/15/07 5:52PM
haha nice pic of chicken stan

by kyleinator at 04/28/07 10:51PM
You know, I've never actually figured out what shortnin' bread really is...

by orangesharpie at 02/05/08 9:41PM

08/09/06 11:23PM

I can only imagine how spooky it must be to live in a mansion by one's self. If I were to live in a mansion, I would have a good bunch of friends who drop in on me every now and then to see that I'm not dead. Although, if they did come to my home and find me dead I don't think they would apprieciate having to report my dead body to the authorities. Therefore if I ever happen upon great riches and wealth beyond my wildest dreams I think I'll live humbly in a small house.

I haven't given an odd story in a while so here goes:

Two birds sitting on a lamp post asleep at night suddenly awaken to the sound of a gentle purring not far from their perch. They look to discover a large orange tabby staring them in the face. Before the tabby can react, one bird (Bird A) flys up and flies into the tabby's ear. From there the bird gains access to the tabby's central thinking and decision-making center and takes over. The other bird summons a pitbull from a nearby alley and they offer the cat as a playmate for the dog. Everyone lives happily ever after. The End.

Good Night.

hey who are u?

by lauraliz07 at 08/10/06 4:57PM
Of course, why have a huge house when you can get a great car?

by modern_man at 08/10/06 6:21PM
are you sure everyone lived happily ever after? 'cause the cat gets chewed up for the rest of his life, but im not a very good critic.im sure that there are other things wrong with your story that a pro-critic could find, so, im sorry, i dont think you should try to publish it.

by modern_man at 08/10/06 6:31PM
What makes shortnin bread so great? You can't rub it in your armpits to prevent sweat!

by manlymanoftheunknown at 08/10/06 7:33PM
I wonder if shortin bread has mistical powers.

by modern_man at 08/11/06 5:19PM
It does, man. It takes you higher than the sky.

by dr_corndog at 08/16/06 9:13PM
Your retarded and pointless commment has been deleted... I wanna take all your shortnin bread and dump it in the Boston Harbor

by aubeard at 08/17/06 12:16AM
Don't worry Mammie, he takes himself way to seriously. He is just jealous he doesn't have any Shortnin Bread. " Slipped in de Kitchen, slipped up de lid, Slipped my pockets full of shortnin bread".

by evil_dr_zin at 08/17/06 8:37AM
I post this comment on his blog but he deleted dat too! He be a fast draw, I can't take a joke type fellow ain't he. "Why you go dissin' him like dat? He got feelins too!

by evil_dr_zin at 08/17/06 11:36AM
uhh... i dont think so...

by reesescup at 08/17/06 7:11PM
Chicken ... shortin bread ... collard greens (cooked with a little sugar to cut the whang) ... and sweet tea (gotta get the four main food groups)

by hank at 08/17/06 8:54PM
Thank you, my friend.

by al_gore at 08/20/06 10:03AM
huh?

by modern_man at 08/24/06 4:08PM

RRRRAAAARRRR!!!

at 07/24/06 10:01AM

I'm alive! I cyrogenically froze myself in SHORTNIN BREAD! The experiment was a success and now I have to let the world know of my discovery of the preservation powers of SHORTNIN BREAD! I couldn't bear to see my pitbulls in the shortnin bread so I decided to test it out on me. You know, the funniest thing happened when I woke up. I thought for a slpit second that my pitbulls would starve having been without dogfood for so long but it so happens that they had eaten the SHORTNIN BREAD cryotube thus releasing me! Aren't they just the smartest cuties in the world? I'm so proud of them. The coolest thing is that I am as new as I was when I went into the shortnin bread tube so I feel rejuvinated. Yay!

NO!

by rockman84 at 07/24/06 11:00AM
Test it out again and see if the cryotube will preserve you for a good twenty or thirty years!

by dr_corndog at 07/24/06 6:57PM
i hope shes not made of shortnin bread but shes HOTT

by mr_gates at 07/26/06 12:00AM
Stacker burgers are better for you.

by disco_vader at 07/31/06 7:50AM
Oh, lay off him. Shortnin bread cyrogenic freezing is still a new technology. I'm sure it'll become more practical in coming years.

by dr_corndog at 08/04/06 8:44PM
if you were in a tube...sealed naturally so the frozone could occur (if you operated on basic quantum freezing physics) how did your pitbulls open the tube to eat the substance?

by heroforthenight at 08/05/06 2:37PM
Oh, I know you do.

by dr_corndog at 08/05/06 4:35PM
Really? I didn't see you. Of course, I really don't know what you look like.

by aardvarks_bite at 08/07/06 11:19AM
rar?

by reesescup at 08/07/06 11:44AM
rar?

by reesescup at 08/07/06 11:44AM
cuz ur names stan n i dont like girls names stan

by mr_gates at 08/07/06 3:33PM
Well, um, I guess because of the simple fact that I didn't see any. But I'll keep my eyes peeled.

by jmetzger at 08/07/06 9:30PM
Don't make come over there with my Shortin bread light saber.

by disco_vader at 08/08/06 8:41PM
???????what's up with shortin bread??????

by modern_man at 08/09/06 5:59PM
hey how are you i gave bama_girl to diana and now i have bama_babe_101 and kaykay

by bama_babe_101 at 09/01/06 10:41AM
bama_babe_101] [kaykay

by bama_babe_101 at 09/01/06 10:43AM

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Last night I had the wierdest dream!

Making the Cut...

09/05/06 11:57PM

08/09/06 11:23PM

RRRRAAAARRRR!!!

mammies_little_baby

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