Excerpts from the life of a WAL-MART cashier...

Working as a cashier at Wal-Mart gives me the opportunity to meet and talk with a variety of different people. Some of these people are simply there to purchase the items they need and move on. They don't want or like to be there, but they do because the prices are better than almost anywhere else in town. Other people, on the other hand are more friendly, outgoing, and personable. They don't mind going to Wal-Mart because they don't mind meeting someone new or perhaps finding something interesting. These people are the the kind that make my job more interesting. As a result, I have collected and written down a short list of funny or interesting things that have happened to me since I began my lustrous career as a cashier. They are all presented below as accurately as I am able to remember them and are all true. Some require a little explanation.

Me: Hi, how are you doing tonight?
20-something smoker girl: Sh***y
Me, trying to disguise my surprise:... Oh. Well I'm sorry to hear that...
20-something smoker girl: No you're not.
*silence for the rest of the transaction*
Me happily, as if nothing out of the ordinary has just happened: ... Well your total comes to $29.74


Me: How are you today?
Young woman: Fine, how are you?
*small, talk for about five minutes*
Young woman, noticing my wedding band: This may seem like an odd question but are you married? Because you don't look a day over fifteen...
Me, nodding: I'm 22.
Young woman: Well how long have you been married?
Me: Almost two months.
Young woman:. Oh. Well... congratulations!


Gotta explain this one a bit. Wal-Mart has a policy that, in addition to committing itself to bringing you the lowest prices, if another company or store has a certain product at a lower price, we will match that price. As a result we get a lot of people who, thinking that they are oh so clever, lie and claim that every single item they have is priced lower at another store in town. All the cashiers learn to spot these individuals as soon as they appear. The problem is that the CBL's (Computer Based Learning programs) say that we will comp (price compare, aka: match a lower price) even if the customer has zero proof. So early in my career, my naivety was taken advantage of. This particular woman happens to be a regular, and knowing that I was probably a newbie tried to move in for the kill a few weeks later...

Me: Hi how are you?
Her: Fine. How are you?
Me: Just fine thanks.
Her: Oh, that milk is 50 cents at Aldi
Me: 50 cents for a gallon of milk? Do you have an ad for that?
Her: Oh, I left the ad in my car, but it's 50 cents
Me: Well, I can't comp it for you without an ad.
Her: Are you sure?
Me: Look, I know I comped it for you before, but my managers want me to see an add if you're gonna have me comp all this.
Her: What? What do you mean?
Me: Look last time I gave you your groceries for a lower price, but that was before...
Her: No this is my first time here.
Me:...
Her: You must be thinking of my sister. I have a twin sister.
Me, not even beLEIVING the straight up lie I've just been told: Well, ma'am, either way, I need to see an ad before I can comp all this.
Her: Oh. Ok.


40-year-old widow: Well aren't you just so handsome!
Me: Well thank you very much!
40-year-old widow: Yeah, ya know if I were your age, I'd date you in a second.
Me: Well, I don't know what my fiance would think of that.


Me: Did you find everything alright?
Woman who was kinda creepy in that I-can't-tell-if-there's-something-mentally-wrong-with-you-or-not sort of way: Yeah I had to get my prescription. Doctor's orders are important ya know
Me: That's right. Gotta follow 'em for your own good, right?
Her: Yep. Doctor helped me out a lot. He helped me figure out why I don't like men.
Me: Woooow!

50-something-year-old man, before I can even greet him: What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
Me: ... I don't know, what?
50-something-year-old man: They both have little boys' underwear half-off!
Me, at a loss for words: ...cool


This one needs a little explanation, too. It's also my favorite so I'll end with it here. The woman in this little scene is wearing scrubs, so she is obviously a nurse or something like that. The old man is the next person in line right behind her, and their little interchange is happening while I'm just listening, scanning their items.

Woman, to the man: You look familiar. Do I know you?
Old man: I think I know you from the doctor's office
Woman: That's right. I thought so. How have you been?
* they continue to make conversation for the rest of her transaction and she leaves*
Woman: Maybe we'll see you at the office sometime soon. Bye bye
Old man: Maybe so. Bye. *he turns to me* I'm surprised that young lady recognized me. Last time I saw her at the doctor's office, she gave me a shot in the butt!
Me: *laughing loudly*
Old man: I almost expected her to say I don't remember faces too well, but I never forget a butt!



That was just a little glimpse into my work life. If you read them, I hope you enjoyed these little stories. If you didn't, than forget you, because it took a long time to write them all out. But whatever.

Cheers!