Annual Post

Last year, I was three days late making my annual post that I make to keep myself from being slashed from the friend lists of people whose pleo pages I stalk and occasionally comment on. To make up for it, this year's post is a few days early. I did make one other post this year that I decided to delete afterward for, well, reasons. Its purpose had concluded.

I realize that I also owe everyone a post to explain what I said several years ago (3/12/07) when I announced, "The poo is back." I have not forgotten that post, but I have misplaced the photo that goes with it. Without the photo, the post makes no sense.
  • simon_says
    I do not even remember a promised story about poo!
    by simon_says at 12/04/15 5:57PM
  • curlie
    Your memory is insane.
    by curlie at 12/08/15 8:04PM
  • kt80
    I wish. I wrote it down and found the file when I was decluttering an old laptop.
    by kt80 at 12/10/15 1:19AM

Oops

I'm three days late making my required annual post.

My First-World Problem of the Day

Well, I see that it's time for an annual post so I won't get removed by the people who do friend list clean-ups. I don't have a lot of things to be wordy about these days, so here goes:

In an effort to do more interesting things with my hair than just letting it hang there like a pile of straw, I have been looking at hair tutorials. You know, for date night. Or for an occasion like, I dunno, Tuesdays. And beyond the fact that I have no dexterity, there's just one problem: Most of the instructions begin with "This style works best if you start with curled hair so you'll have texture to work with."

Well just hit the fail buzzer right there because my hair refuses to hold a curl!

I have spent hours watching YouTube videos. I have spent hours in front of the mirror while YouTube plays along with me.

I tried this one and it looked like it was going to work, maybe, possibly, until I got to the hair around the nape of my neck. And that stuff would. not. curl.

I tried flat-iron curls, and the section right by my face sort of worked (fell out after ten minutes) and the rest of it wouldn't curl.

I have tried the thing where you wrap your hair by hand while trying in vain to avoid frying your fingers off and then I wrapped each little section up and pinned them with duck bill clips in an attempt to cheat gravity while they cooled down and the result was that the curls were way too tight and I looked like Weird Al's creepy little sister. For 20 minutes. THEN all the curls fell out and melded together into one giant voluminous-yet-straight pouf. (yes, I wrapped them different directions to keep that from happening)

I did not try this one because ain't nobody got time for that: http://youtu.be/cvSw0bBSKRw?t=18s


I have tried the "second-day hair" (greasy and no curl). I have bought the expensive Hot Tools curling iron (pouf, but no curl). I have used that thing the tutorials call "product." I have used "product" ON "second-day hair." No, no, and no. It mocks me.

So, a couple of days ago, I was sitting around moping thinking about it and I remembered that one time back in college when I borrowed someone's hot rollers and they left my hair TOO curly and I looked like I was about to audition for I Love the 80's or Annie and I had to rewet my hair to get rid of them. Obviously, I haven't touched a hot roller since. I resolved that it must be time to give them another chance. Off I went to read some reviews, and after about 20 minutes of reading, I settled on the set that got raves everywhere. The one where you don't have to buy a whole different unit if you want to change what size roller you use. The one that uses steam so it allegedly does not damage the hair. The one that all the blogs said the curls would still be there the second day and had such awesome holding power that they had to be shampoo'd out. I had high expectations, you guys. I bought them. I read the instructions cover to cover. I sectioned my hair just like it said to. For the style I wanted, it said to use jumbo and large rollers. I used large and medium. It said to steam the rollers for five to seven seconds. I steamed them for ten. It said to leave the rollers in for fifteen minutes. I left them in for thirty. I removed the rollers and--drumroll, please--are you ready for this--are you REALLY ready for this--my hair looked exactly the same as it had before I put the rollers in. Surely I did something wrong. I moved down a size on the rollers, made sure I heated the clips, left them in for an hour this time, and...my hair looked like I had kind of sort of half-heartedly bent the ends a bit with a curling iron. For 20 minutes. Then it fell out.

Iiiiiiiii I quit! I quit! I quit! I quit, Mr. White.

Sigh. Maybe I'll just shave it all off and tell people that I've just completed my Nazirite term.

  • granny
    Don't you dare! Me? I just twist and perch it all on top. Grannys can do that :)
    by granny at 10/20/13 10:32AM

There; I posted.

I know some people routinely remove people from their list of friends if they haven't made a fresh post in a year, so I figured I ought to take care of that.

Also, my gold subscription lapsed because of unknown Paypal issues, so if you're in a group I was an OP for, then, uh, sorry about that.
  • kt80
    Well, I can help you with that. Go into the group and click on the "members" heading above the list of members to edit the list. Then find yourself and change your status from operator to normal. You should be able to leave the group after that.
    by kt80 at 08/31/12 12:56AM
  • granny
    Buttoned up may be a good thing? I get friend requests often so this was a surprise.
    by granny at 06/19/13 1:49AM

Once in a Lifetime Opportunity!

If you have anything insulting to say to me or otherwise anything that you've always wanted to say but have just been too afraid to, today is your lucky day! I woke up this morning with clogged-up-feeling ears (and two kids in the bed, one with a nosebleed, but that is a whole other story). I can barely even hear myself, and G even said he could tell because I was talking weird. Don't everyone talk at once! (or do; it won't really matter)
  • phyllisophical_mom
    uh........................
    by phyllisophical_mom at 06/10/11 6:34PM
  • didow
    Who would ever want to say anything insulting to you?

    Of course, we could all make snide remarks about how this is your first update since MARCH! :)
    by didow at 06/10/11 10:10PM
  • simon_says
    Your toenails are blue.
    by simon_says at 06/11/11 11:32AM
  • granny
    A thank you to you on commenting on my blog.
    by granny at 01/16/12 8:44AM