brains

Well, its been a while. Things are going okay, I suppose. I got some brain scans done which resulted in the doctor saying something along the lines of "wow...what's with that hole in your brain?" I'm thinking there's not an actual hole there, it just means that part of my brain isn't working. Apparently I have a ton of brain trauma. I never realized all those knocks I took on the head were actually doing anything to me. Also, my left temporal lobe is all smashed up, which explains my severe problems with short term memory, irritability, and my continuous tics. Apparently it's not touretes like I thought. It's a thing called temporal epilepsy. In other words, I have seizures in my temporal lobe. Since its not affecting my whole brain I don't fall on the ground and convulse, but I do have spontaneous uncontrolled body movements and vocal tics. I'll have to thank whoever whacked me with a pool cue on the left side of my head at FC, because they're guessing thats what caused it. My frontal lobe is also kind of messed up, with patches kind of working only when they feel compelled to. Its called scalloping. This is what apparently contributes to my complete lack of attention, easy distraction and unusual sensory sensetivity.
Also, the thingy that connects my brain halves together is going weird, which could be the cause of these dissociative episodes I've been having (what I formerly considered the "possessed by satan" syndrome.) He also said its depression central, and its no wonder why I'm uber depressed, even when things are going well.
On the plus side, I'm never going to get alzhimers. The part of my brain that controls that stuff is in outstandinly good shape.
It feels good to actually have a diagnosis and have a clue what's actually going on up there, because for a while I was starting to think I was from another planet or something. Also, so many people yelling "you're faking it!" in my face was starting to make me wonder if I really was faking it and somehow wasn't aware of it. So this proves that just because symptoms are atypical, a person isn't necessarily faking it. The downside is now I KNOW there's something wrong with me, and I've had to completely change my meds AGAIN, which has caused me a lot of stomach trouble.
However, I don't plan to use this information as an excuse to do whatever I want and act however I want. Its still up to me to improve myself as much as I possibly can, and I refuse to let a weird brain keep me down. Plus, over time, some of the damage can heal if I take care of myself. So please pray for me that I'll keep getting better. My fits have mostly stopped now and I'm already a lot more calm and focused. I just hope it stays that way.

My official diagnosis:

-schizoaffective disorder
-temporal epilepsy
-Attention Defecit Diorder

-Brit