I love words and I love languages...and I just adore grammar and correct spelling. The texting language is hard for me...David and I were texting yesterday and in response to my question he sent me this: "prolly". Ouch! It is only two tiny little letters more to actually spell that word out correctly: PROBABLY. See, that was so easy.

While in Hancock Fabrics the other day I was browsing the upholstery fabric. The heavy, 54 inch bolts line the front of the store nearly floor to ceiling. So many gorgeous colors and designs! I love fabric -- I love color -- I love that the bolts are arranged in such an organized way so that coordinating patterns are right there together. I love the smell of fabric and I love to run my hands over the different textures. While there, indulging my senses, I came across a huge bolt of fabric that actually had randomly placed popular texting shortcuts like LOL and tons of others that I couldn't even figure out. Stripped my gears, I tell you! I stood there turning my head this way and that since the pattern was so random and was going in every direction...I kept reading and trying to guess what the different short-cuts were. 54 inch upholstery fabric. I cannot even imagine what some one would do with that...make curtains or a duvet cover for a "tween" girls' bedroom maybe? Ouch, ouch, ouch. That's one way to keep a mama out of your bedroom, I guess.

Before texting, there were perfectly good -- and socially acceptable -- shortcuts that I embrace as time-tested and universally understood parts of my language: asap, rsvp, etc. Then in our verbal communication little things started to creep in and were more modern: 24/7 for instance. The next time I hear a youngish person say to me, "I work 24/7/365" I think I will just assume a dumb-blond stare and say: "Oh yeah? What about leap years??" :) See, to a word-nerd like me, that is very funny! LOL even!!

But for all my love and respect of words and the skill of using them to convey thoughts and ideas to each other, I apparently FAIL at this skill regularly. In my daily life, it is constant. Through the years, my kids have offered proof of my failings by saying things to me like, "you wanted me to brush my TEETH?". Hm...."Well, yes! That's what I said, isn't it?"

You all know that I love and respect my husband! He is a true gift from God. However, I have learned through the years that there are certain clues to look for before talking to him about something. Clues like has he had at least one cup of coffee since getting up? Is there an open Bible in the room -- indicating that he has been reading something and is now actually writing a sermon in his head even though he is looking me in the eyes!! Does he have his cell phone on vibrate and in his pocket? The best strategy for me is to say, "Hey Honey, when you have a minute, would you mind talking with me about something? No hurry, I just wanted to run a couple of things by you." For whatever reason, that little pre-courser really works for us.

I saw my gyn a month ago or so to discuss my cycle. **ALERT** If there are for some reason any males reading this...perhaps this is a good time to move on to some one else's page. Thank you! The doctor seemed to be listening to me. He was looking at me and nodding. I told him that I have always had short cycles (26 days) and heavy, long menses (8 or 9 days). But as I age, this is actually getting worse. We discussed ways to lighten this up a little. The first thing he wanted to try was a progesterone pill. I took these according to the directions without fail. For two months. I turned into a version of the woman in the Gospels -- with the issue for 12 years -- who reached out and touched the hem of Jesus' garment. When I went back to see the doctor the second time I told him, "you obviously misunderstood me!" :) Somehow he thought I said that I wanted to try to hemorrhage to death in as short a time as possible! That's not what I said at all!!

Ok. This all brings me to a weird discussion I had with the receptionist at the endocrinology office. Last week, as I told you, I had a colonoscopy. On Monday, I drank all the prep stuff but I didn't drink anything else to keep me hydrated. I was in some sort of electrolyte-speed-loss shock. I had a head ache off the charts and I was weak and just pretty yucky all over. I couldn't sleep the night before the test because my head was just crushing in on my brain.

So, here is the picture: I haven't eaten in nearly 36 hours and I haven't had even a drink in over 12 hours...my head is taking on an evil life of its own...I haven't slept...I am not at my communicative best perhaps as I walk up to the desk to sign in.

The sweet girl slid the glass window to the side and asked me my name. I gave it to her and said, "I have an 11:00". So far so good. She pulls my chart, I finish signing in. Jerry is outside parking the van.

I lay the pen down and leaned in towards the receptionist a bit and said, "Can I ask you about this headache?" She looked at me and said, "Headache? I don't think so."

Hmmmm..."I don't think so"?? What does that even mean? I just stared at her and then I said, "I can't?"

Now, stay with me....

"Can't what?"
"Ask about the headache?"
"I don't think so."
"You don't think so???..."
"No, you're not having an...oh what do you call those?...a, ummmm, you know."

Try to picture my face right about now. I am hurting and weak and now I know I must have this look on my face of absolute...nothing!

"I'm not having what?" I ask her.
"Well, you're only having an IV and they will put the stuff in there."
"The stuff?"
"Yeah...OH, an epidural! You're not having an epidural."
"...right..."
"Well, that's the only way you'd get a headache. If you had an epidural or something."
"Oh. Oh...well, no. That's not what I was talking about. I already *have* a headache."

Now she just stares at me. I was starting to feel quite stupid. I actually looked around the room behind me to see if perhaps I had some how been transported to some other dimension...

Finally she said to me:
"Oh that's ok. It shouldn't matter."
"What shouldn't matter?"
"If you have a headache or not."
"Well, ok. But I wanted to ask about it..."
"Well, it's ok."
"...No, I wanted to ask someone if there is a reason for it. I have never had a headache like this and I wonder if I am having a reaction to the prep liquid or...."
"So, do you have a head ache right now?"

...........................
.....................................................

..............."uh-huh"

"Well, just ask some one about it."
"Ok"
"It shouldn't matter."
"Ok"
"Do you think this going to help?"

...............................
.........................................................
..........."Um. Help what?"

"Your headache."
"Do I think *what* is going to help my headache?"
"Do you have a headache right now?"
"Yes."
"And you think this will help?"
"What?"
"What?"
"What will help?"
"What?"

I looked behind me again.

"Ok. I have this really bad headache, see? And I didn't have it until I started drinking that stuff yesterday. Every time I drank a glass of it, my headache got worse. I drank it all, though. Now I have this crushing headache. "
"And you think this is going to help?"
"...having a colonoscopy...?"
"Well," she checked my chart, "yeah."
"Are you asking me if I think that coming here and having a colonoscopy is going to help my headache??"
"What?"

Ok. How long does it take Jerry to park a van anyway??????

"No. I guess I am just asking if there is a possibility that I am having an adverse reaction to the stuff I drank yesterday."
"And it gave you a headache?"
"yeah...maybe...I am just asking if that is possible."
"Well, I don't know. Ask someone back there when they take you."
................................
...........................................................
.............."Ok. That is actually a lovely idea. Thank you."

I sit down.
Jerry comes in and sits next to me.
I lay my head on his shoulder and he pats my knee and gives it a squeeze.
He says to me, "Almost done, Sweetie. It's all gonna' be fine!"
I just sit there like that, loving his voice and his shoulder.
In a minute I say, "The receptionist thinks that I think that when you get a headache, you should have a colonoscopy."
"What????"
"Never mind."

That is the name of a child's cartoon that is written and produced by the actor Bill Cosby. I don't even know if it is aired any more. We only watched it once in a while and it has been years ago.

The main character was a little black boy who lived with his parents and grandparents. There was always something "healthy" for the TV watcher to take away.

The episode I remember is when Little Bill's dad taught him what to say when the kids at school were picking on him or teasing him. The father said that instead of getting upset and being ugly back, he should assume a casual posture and reply: "SSoooooo???" Daddy and Little Bill giggled and practiced.

We have reminded Joey about that from time to time when something would come up...like if his 19 year old brother (who SHOULD know better about how to be kind) says to Joey: "You are just a short little kid!" Joey tries to remember to keep his temper and just look at David and say, "SSsssooooooo?"

This morning, after my Bible reading and prayer time, I found myself thinking about different people and things that I had promised to be praying about, etc. As a preacher's wife, I often have women come to me and ask me for advice and ask me to pray for them...a lot of times, the situation is some variety of the same problem: marriage/husband/children/my-purpose-in-life. Oh, dear ladies, how some can struggle!

If you are a female, I suggest this one thing to you: when you are feeling that old familiar trick of the devil's that he loves to use so much..."discontent"...learn to say to YOURSELF: "SSSOOOOooooo???" :) It helps! Really!

What sorts of things does it work on, you ask?.....

*I change every dirty diaper the baby makes.
*I end up doing all his laundry or I guess he'd wear dirty clothes all the time.
*He never notices that the carpet needs vacuuming -- how can he not SEE that?
*He has never bathed a child, I do it all.
*ETC.

Now, I am not talking about just excusing some worthless man and never working through inequities. But...I would suggest that the answer we need to give ourselves a lot of the time is "SSSsssooooo?"

Is he worthless? Really? Does he get up every day and go to work? Does he provide for you? Does he love you and the children? Is he Godly? Is he faithful to your marriage covenant? Does he pray for you? Does he want you to be happy even if that means the master bathroom is pink????

I read a little quotey-quote thing one time about two women sitting at a kitchen table visiting and having coffee. The visiting lady said to the lady who lived in the house -- she pointed to the dirty boots sitting by the back door -- "How can you STAND for him to bring those filthy boots in your house? I just wouldn't have it!" The second lady just smiled and said, "Oh, I don't mind...it's such a little thing and I am just so thankful that those filthy boots bring HIM into the house."

Ah ha. I have carried that around in my heart for many years. It is one of my favorites. Jerry is very good about not bringing dirty boots in...he even puts his laundry in the basket without any prompting from me. And if he forgets sometimes and I end up picking up his dirty socks????? SSSsssssoooooooo???

Today marks 55 years since my beloved was born. Also, this day marks the beginning of several big events to celebrate in the Crolius household. One week from today will be Joey's birthday (more on that another day), then another week will be our 26th wedding anniversary. In there will also be the beginning of our annual September trek to Florida to see family and celebrate being together and just enjoying every minute.

I realize it would be horribly boring for all of you to have to read all the reasons that I love my husband. And you know how I can be with a keyboard! Sometimes my fingers don't know when to shut-up!!! But if I promise to keep it short, will you please take a minute today to take a short journey with me?

Jerry was born August 31, 1955, the second of four sons. Today, Jerry's three brothers are: bankrupt, alcoholic, prescription drug abusers, divorced, worldly....lost. The three brothers have had difficult and painful lives with lots of different complications resulting from their faithless and worldly lives. The three brothers are, for the most part, alienated from each other. Their children lead worldly and difficult lives.

Jerry is the hub. He is the steadying factor in their fragmented lives. He is the one to whom they will each turn when their personal turmoil becomes overwhelming. Jerry is the one that each of them want present when there is to be a face-to-face situation. Jerry is the one that the dad will call when he wants to know if there is any way he can help the others. It is Jerry's calm and wise voice that can talk to his mother on the phone when her heart is burdened.

None of Jerry's family are Christians. He has prayed for them, hurt for them, taught them the truth over and over. They turn to him...but they don't really want what he offers. He offers them the true answers of giving yourself up to the Christ who died for us. He guides them with the wisdom of God's word, the peace and calmness he offers them is the peace that passes understanding. For now, and as long as I have been a part of this family, they just want the quick fix...they are not willing to take on the Cross.

And it is the Cross that makes Jerry who he is. It isn't THIS birthday that makes Jerry the world's best husband...it is the "other" birthday. On January 22, 1982. The day he was born again. I have never met anyone so totally converted as this precious man.

My Jerry is today, a preacher of the blessed gospel of Christ...an elder in His church. A penitent believer every minute of every day. When we married, Jerry had only been a Christian for a couple of years. His faith was new and young. I have had the privilege of watching the fascinating process of spiritual growth from a babe in Christ to a mature follower of the Lord and a humble leader of His people. It brings tears to my eyes.

The day we married, I loved him completely -- yet now, our love is so much more. We have brought a daughter into this world together. Conceived and born in the most natural way...to be followed by years and years of infertility. We have sat together in a courtroom in front of a judge and sworn to raise our adopted son. We have held each other and cried in a hospital as I lay dying and later in the funeral home as we memorialized and said goodbye to our son, Daniel. We marveled together at our 2 pound Joey as he strongly thrived in the NICU where we spent most of our waking moments for two weeks. He married our daughter to a fine Christian man. He loves our son-in-law as he does our own children. He loves his children desperately. He loves me. He honors me as a fellow heir and treats me like a queenly weaker vessel. He insists that our children honor me and he shows them the way.

Jerry left a very worldly environment and life. He searched for the Lord and found Him on his own -- in the Word. He picked up a bible and read it. He believed every word of it. He was converted to the Lord and he prayed for guidance. He was baptized for the forgiveness of sins and has never looked back. He rejoices daily -- even all these years later -- in the Lord, in His deliverance. He is humble and determined. He stands firm against sin and is brave in the Lord. He is fighting the good fight.

I just wanted to share this with you because, though I am grateful every day, it seems that it is overflowing my heart today as we celebrate the birth of my sweetie!!

Ew. I hate it when a conversation starts like that! :) Because you can just bet your bottom dollar that the very next word after the "but" is indeed going to hurt your feelings. Sigh.

Since I haven't found a dignified way to excuse myself from the speaking person's presence in that short breath after the "but", I have taken a couple of hits in the last two days. Correction is a bitter pill to swallow and I guess I am not very good at taking it. How sad is that to have to admit. Not that I get mad or ugly...mainly I just get embarrassed, sad and...hurt.

So, I'm grappling with some of this today. First: someone close to me broke down in tears and told me that basically she thinks we hate her and her children and that we aren't raising Joey as cautiously as we should and that Joey is "hateful". You cannot imagine how that hurts me. No one likes to hear sad things like this...no one wants to be the cause of another's tears...no one wants their children challenged. I think back to all the times that I have tried *my* best to be a friend to this dear young woman...but I have had to try to see things from *her* perspective and perhaps I have somehow unknowingly not met the needs she has even though I have tried to be as helpful as I know how. Never too old to have to keep learning that lesson, I suppose. But, really?? Joey?? I did not defend him to this woman who was weeping and feeling her own pain. I simply hugged her close and told her how sorry I am and I listened.

I am not the type at all to blindly take my kids' sides just because they are my kids. Not for a split second do I subscribe to the delusion that my kids are perfect little angels. I had Joey come into the room after I thought I understood the situation well enough...I let him see this woman crying and I spoke to him honestly about the situation. "Joey, Mrs. So-and-so is crying because she is so sad to think that you don't like her little child." Joey was dumb-founded. We talked for awhile and I explained to him how we would handle things in the future. I had him apologize to the woman and to her child and hug them both. He was genuinely glad to make the apology and to hug and make sure that everyone was ok.

Joey?? He has a lot of faults like all kids but being "hateful" is not really one of them. Not typically, anyway. I have seen him lose his patience with his brother when the brother is brutalizing him. I have seen him get irritated and impatient when real little kids take his toys apart. If anything, I pray that Joey will grow into a more confident male and be able to use his inordinately tender heart to God's glory.

I am willing to take all this into my heart and make the changes that need to be made to better meet this sister's needs. I guess I am just feeling a bit deflated. That's just selfishness though, right?

The second thing perhaps wouldn't have hurt me so if I wasn't wallowing around in introspection already. Someone else close to me told me fairly bluntly that I -- basically -- dress like a floozy. No...really...that's not hurtful at all... :( The accusation was that "You are an elder's wife...not some little teeny-bopper...you seem to forget that you shouldn't be drawing so much attention to yourself." Ouch. I am going to be giving that some prayerful contemplation. Obviously, this is NOT something that I want to be true and for now, I will be wearing ONLY sackcloth and ashes. I do like color and fun things -- fun jewelry and shoes...I also love a BARGAIN and it is fun for me to find cute and fun things in fun places -- yard sales, Goodwill, etc. I cover myself and I try to look decent every day...but a floozy?? Ouch. There isn't really any nice way to hear that, I guess.

I am rejoicing that the Lord is still molding me and I am even giving thanks for hurt feelings. It makes me more prayerful and it humbles me. I need those things. If there is any other thing about my basic nature or personality that is wretched, I would welcome the chance to rejoice in humble prayer over those things as well...just, please, give me day or two to get over this joy right now. :)

If you haven't seen Toy Story 3 yet, you many not want to read this entry -- I don't want to spoil any parts of the movie for you!

Jerry and I took Joey to see TS3 yesterday afternoon. We had heard a lot of good things about it and we were not at all disappointed! Can I say first that the Pixar animation just fascinates me! My artistic eye enjoyed scanning every scene and taking in the details of a wonderfully animated reproduction of real life. The characters and their facial expressions and movements are amazing enough but when you look around at the scenery and details it is incredible to me. The littlest details like the acoustic tile ceiling in the daycare and the electrical wire colors that ran up there. I couldn't find an animated detail that wasn't perfect!

We have all enjoyed the Toy Story movies through the years. We love Woody and Buzz, of course...and the Potato Heads and Rex...all of them. It has been a fun and love-filled story for us. The use of "real" toys that people my age actually played with (and my kids some too) like the Fisher Price phone in TS3 -- we HAD one of those! Slinky dog and the Potato Heads and Ken/Barbie -- brilliant on the writers' part! Real, actual toys that us parents played with and remember fondly as the supporting cast for a few "new" toys that were special to the story and to little Andy.

Joey has a drawer full of Toy Story toys -- Woody with a pull-string, Buzz -- the original and a couple others, Jessie and Bullseye, etc.

Well -- the movie was entertaining and fun for anyone to go see. But, let me warn you if you haven't seen it yet: If you are the mother of a little boy...with a tender heart...who LOVES his toys and cannot bear to part with any of his "friends"...who can sit in his bedroom floor for a couple of hours with a couple of toys and imagine all sorts of wonderful adventures...and if he is growing up a little too fast for you.........take some tissues to the movie with you. The movie was about the toys "moving on" but the underlying story for us parents was about our kids "moving on". A bittersweet time of holding on to the past and moving on to the future and all the uncertainty that brings. For the kids. For the parents.

Thank you, Pixar, Woody, Buzz, etc. for the fun! For the laughs and the love and the lessons you've taught. Yep -- we have enjoyed the trilogy. I love that little boy of mine.