And there are spoilers, too, so be warned. I laughed at a bunch of these (and deleted a few), nodded at some, rolled my eyes at others. We've both read them all, so I enjoyed this.
95 reasons why you shouldn't read Twilight, one of the worst pieces of literature ever written.
1. Bella is a perfect character (“Mary Sue”), which Meyer hides by calling her clumsy.
2. Being clumsy is not a flaw if Edward always catches her.
3. She can’t do anything without Edward.
4. And when he leaves she attempts to commit suicide.
5. Meyer is living out her own fantasies by writing about Bella, who is clearly herself.
6. The books aren’t well written, just because every other word is a fancy adjective doesn’t make it good writing.
7. All the rules Meyer sets for being a vampire are broken by the end of the series.
8. Not only that, she breaks rules set by more esteemed authors.
9. The world population will come to an end because all girls who read this book will think they are Bella and will wait for their Edward to come until they are old. And he’ll never come.
10. Bella almost dies fifty thousand times, but Edward always saves her. This is boring.
11. Edward is too perfect and has no flaws either. Even vampires should have flaws besides wanting to suck human blood because it’s natural to them.
12. The reason the books became so popular is because Bella has no personality and any loser can put themselves in her shoes.
13. If Bella is so ‘plain’, why do so many guys fall for her within the first two chapters?
14. Bella teaches women to let the man handle everything, which pretty much is a huge step backward for women everywhere, who have fought for equality.
15. Isn’t it convenient that her father always leaves her alone and doesn’t question her? Real parents aren’t that way.
16. Lack of character development.
17. Bella is a useless, whining, doll that suddenly has become the idol for girls everywhere.
18. People say that Twilight is better than Harry Potter. Guess what? WRONG.
19. Edward is extremely possessive, border-line abusive, and boring as anything.
20. It’s too cliché.
22. Read Anne Rice - those are vampires, not the girly men that Meyer has created.
23. You don’t have to describe the character every two pages, we know all about Edward’s ‘perfectly toned chest’ the fourth time she mentions it.
24. Bella reflects upon herself through the entire novel to tell important plot developments. Hey Meyer, ever heard of "Show, don’t tell"?
25. She never uses the word fangs in the entire book series, and it’s supposedly about vampire.
26. Her vampires sparkle. Enough said.
27. Supposedly Meyer never uses the word ‘said’ in the entire first book, instead using breath.
28. There is too much face touching.
29. It’s predictable, and childish.
30. We read the entire series just to laugh at the stupidity of it.
31. Meyer can’t think of original names. The only original name she used was Rennesme, which is combination of two names and doesn’t count.
32. Vampires can’t get people pregnant. SPOILER!
33. Vampire baseball was just a disgrace.
34. People think Meyer is the best writer ever.
35. The plot drags on forever, when it really could have been completed in two books.
36. Wow, yet another ‘original’ plot of forbidden love.
37. Why is it called the Twilight Series if only one book is titled Twilight?
38. It’s too easy to mock. Go on Youtube, how many mocks on Twilight do you see?
39. They use a drug reference in a book written for ten-year-olds.
40. Stephanie Meyer creates some interesting characters ie: Jasper and Alice. She then ignores them, and gives them no development.
41. Every Other Facebook bumper sticker is about Twilight/Edward. EVERY OTHER ONE.
42. Fangirls are so blinded by their love for Edward that they don’t realize the book is terrible.
43. Stephen King agrees that Stephanie Meyer can’t write ‘worth a darn’.
44. It’s stupid.
46. Bella is Edward’s beard.
47. Meyer wrote four books about nothing, really.
48. Straight men sparkle?
49. It’s teeming with grammatical errors.
50. Bella Swan means beautiful swan, which is horribly cheesy.
51. Edward Cullen is sparkly; crows like sparkly things.
52. Do any guys actually like Twilight?
53. If the first 200 pages of your book rely on the mystery of a character's identity, don't slap "First, Edward was a vampire" on the back cover.
54. There's far too little actual conflict in the story. But this probably stems from having a flawless main character.
55. They fall in love way too quickly and it seems fake because no one falls in love instantly, especially teenagers.
56. They only love each other because she smells good and he’s hot. There’s no other given reason why.
57. It's just not healthy to teach young girls that True Love involves the guy watching you while you sleep.
58. Edward is HOT. We get it.
59. She had only been in Forks for a month when Edward had been watching her sleep for two months.
60. There’s something disturbing about Carlisle turning only teenagers into vampires.
61. All Twilight fans are insane, proved by several responses to criticism such as…
"What is your name, address and phone number, just so that i can track you down ank kill You with my super awesom vampire powers THAT I AQUIRED FROM READING THE SERIES!!!!!!!!!!"
62. And this…
"do you WANT a cult of angry twilight luvers like mysef at your doorstep at night trying to behead you????? you shouldnt voice an absurd oppinion like this on the internet."
63. And this…
"you must have not read much good litterature in youre life, because if you cannot appreciate the quality of this art.....YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSOUND!!!!!!!"
64. Isn’t funny how Twilight fans can’t spell and use proper capitalization? By the way, 61, 62, and 63 are real quotes.
65. The reason Edward can’t read Bella’s mind is because she doesn’t have one.
66. T. Pain would totally win Bella’s heart and beat up Edward because he’s on a boat.
67. Edward hits on the school faculty to get out of classes.
68. We applaud Stephanie Meyer, as she's got to be a rich woman by now, having found her forte in the insane cult of teenage girls who go rabid over her writings.
69. Vampires vs. werewolves (isn’t that a Facebook application and such a original idea?)
70. There's nothing worse than a fan girl going insane over a fictional guy. It's rather pathetic actually, so, um, yeah, get a life and keep reading those books, chickies.
71. This book was not worth the paper on which it was printed.
72. Bella has no goals and no future, her life revolves around Edward.
73. WWJTFD: What Would a Judgmental Twilight Fan Do? Answer: attempt to attack with the ‘cool vampire powers’ they gained from reading the series. Awesome!
74. Even if you like the book, it doesn’t live up to its hype.
76. “And I cried numerous times upon realising there would never be an Edward in this world.” – quoted from Almuvira Anona on Yahoo Answers.
77. A hundred years difference = pedophile.
78. It's a co-dependent relationship stripped down to the bare essentials. Girl: "I can't live without you. I want to change myself to be with you." Boy: "If you leave me, I will kill myself."
79. Stephanie Meyer must really be into pedophilia: first Edward and Bella, now Jacob and Renesseme? SPOILER.
80. New hot couple name for Bella and Edward = Bedward
81. You may think Edward Cullen is smart and fast, but Chuck Norris could take him.
82. Bella’s only deep thoughts are, ‘Edward is so perfect. I love him.’
83. The only reason I kept reading was to see if Bella could redeem herself by getting over him.
84. Jacob, who didn’t abuse Bella and was nice to her, was dumped and she chose Edward. Hmm, masochistic much?
85. Ms. Meyer writes the way I did when I was twelve years old, doodling in my journal.
87. Many people have enjoyed the making of this, many have helped with it too…in other words lots of people hate Twilight.
88. You are allowed to have your own opinion, just like we are allowed to have ours. Get over it. Twilight fans don’t seem to understand that though, and attack at the mention of flaw in the book.
89. Light Yagami doesn’t approve of Twilight so neither should you.
90. “Cause it’s dumb.” – Random Person on the Street
91. “It’s annoying.” – Random Person on the Street #2
92. Martin Luther would not have not have approved if the book was written during his lifetime.
93. Harry Potter could beat Edward any day with his magic powers.
94. It’s offensive to the entire human race, both male and female.
95. The book was so bad we wrote 95 reasons why we hate it.
Our new coaches at UT will bring in the best talent in the United States in the next few years. There will be growing pains, but we've now got the best set of recruiters in the SEC. Beware the orange!
I really just wanted to update my blog. I'm sitting in a hotel room trying to get over some exercise-induced hypoglycemia. I decided to play basketball tonight without having done much exercise in the last few months. Whew, I'm getting old.
Also, the Obama speech was pretty good today. Which I expected. I'm interested to see how the country responds when he doesn't transform it into a utopian society.
Also, if you didn't hear, my car is in Knoxville, as the transmission went out on me last Friday when I was on my way home from being out of town all week. Perfect timing, of course. It's going to put us out $2,100, but it's a remanufactured one, so it has a 3 yr/36,000 mile warranty, so it's better than a used one from another 2001 civic, especially since they are 6 times more likely than any other civic to have transmission problems. I want to get another vehicle, and I'm liking the later model VW GTI, despite its hatchbackness. If you want to buy a civic with a new transmission, let me know. I'm going to try to get somewhere close to the kelly blue book value ($5,500) out of it, if I can. But for a friend, I would probably make a better deal, if anyone is interested.
A proven winner
A good offensive mind
A good recruiter
An entertaining personality
A nice guy
A man who likes Pirates a lot
I’m convinced the guy in this article is the guy UT needs. He has a law degree from Pepperdine, but decided he didn’t want to be a lawyer, so he decided to coach football instead.
Some of my favorite quotes from this article (from ’05, but obviously still relevant, by the author of Moneyball):
-So one goal is to throw as many different things at a defense as he can, to see what it finds most disturbing. Another goal is to create as much confusion as possible for the defense while keeping things as simple as possible for the offense.
-there's a ton of touchdowns to be had.
-The Texas Tech offense is not just an offense; it's a mood: optimism. It is designed to maximize the possibility of something good happening rather than to minimize the possibility of something bad happening.
-When Leach recruits high-school players, he is forced to compromise on most talents, but he insists on speed.
-Field position is simply a thing to improve.
You just get the feeling from this article the guy understands something no one else does. He adjusts his game plan to what is happening during the game, he gets more out of less-talented players, and he’s not tied to college football’s ‘conventional wisdom.’ If anyone can take the reigns from Urban Meyer and the spread option and bring the next great offense to the SEC, it’s him. He’s the Spurrier of the 21st century. Let’s get behind him and make it happen.
Oh, and I love the pirate thing. Classic.
I sent this to Clay Travis earlier, who used to be a CBS writer, and he posted it on his website