I think it is time I step back, take a deep breathe, and look at the small picture. I think way too much to the point I'm paralized. I need to turn my brain off and just spring into action. I know what I need to do to get me back on track...so instead of thinking about it, I just need to do it.

In a way it is nice to enjoy our basic daily routine. At times relaxed and at times productive but over all enjoying time with family and friends.

Not too much to report for the new year. Jeff will be having more tests and a biopsy taken of his colon. So...we'll see how that goes. He is also moving to the Project Manager position. I'm a little nervous about this because that's what he has been doing the past few months and we rarely see him. Plus, he stays supper stressed out. We have made a number of health changes for the new year including eating healthy, so hopefully that will give him a boost. The doctor put him on the Jesus diet as he called it (if Jesus couldn't have eaten it then neither can he). I'm doing it too not only to shed a few pounds, but it makes me feel better overall. I have an eye treatment next week which I dread...but I guess that's about it. I'm looking forward to doing some traveling and helping Stacie stage her house. I've been very successful in that all the homes I've staged so far have sold. I'm starting to work around here since we hope to move in the next year or so. As of now we'll either stay in the Gdale/Mt. Olive area or possibly move to Vestavia. Well, got to get busy on chores...

Tina

Finally reality is sinking in as I've started relying more on medication to dull the pain when so much of this could be helped with self-discipline and self-control. Jeff said I always seem to go down this road after I've been sick for a while, but I wouldn't have gotten sick or stayed sick so long if I had stuck to my guns. However, laying in bed last night my body aching, my legs numb and tingly...feet burning I realized that I've got to make changes...permanent changes or the neuropathy will just get worse and diabetes will certainly be in my future. So, I've really worked on it today which is more of a mental battle than anything. Now to keep up the high protein diet which boosts my energy level and helps me to be active. I honestly feel better already. I don't eat very much. More small meals through out the day, so I have to make sure I keep Maura in check with her meals and snacks since her sugar has been dropping lately. The doctor also suggested we try to increase her activity level which should come easily if I'm active as well. Just got to keep fighting and remembering why I'm doing this and how the alternative could really make the future grim.

I hardly know where to begin. I've got so much on my mind. First is our health, my usual topic. We have all been sick for about a month now. I think we're finally on the road to recovery, but my mind continues to think of ways to get well and stay well. When I eat like I am supposed too I stay well. Plus...I feel better, I have more energy, and I'm a better person all the way around. However, not that being sick is an excuse, but since we have been sick I have completely snowballed into the comfort and convience food cycle and I have yet to manage to find my way out. I saw a picture of myself today and thought man oh man...is that me? Granted the overly casual outfit, lack of makeup, and hair pulled up didn't help, but I just keep seeing that picture in my mind. Instead of being motivated to change I feel the hopeless feeling of having gone so far the wrong way that I'll never get back to where I want to be. Then, I try to counter my thoughts with positive things and hope to focus on a daily routine. But, that routine would get tossed aside after only a few days since we're leaving at the end of next week for an extended vacation. Now I'm just sitting here and my mind is reeling over how to snap myself out of this again and to have the strength to make the changes I need to make. The basic thought process seems to be one that regardless of the effort I put forth, I'll end up right where I am now in a few months. One little slip will lead to two, etc.

Aside from that, we are still trying to catch up on life after having been sick for literally a month. I'm so far behind in so many things, especially the Financial Peace class we signed up for but have yet to attend. There have been 5 classes so far and we have missed ALL 5! Next on my brain list is Maura's school. Homeschool, public school, or private school??? Homeschool has many positive aspects especially since we have been taveling so much lately, however with an only child...not sure that would be my best option. Plus, Jeff has been working SO much lately that I already feel like a single parent...and lets face it. It may be selfish, but there are times where I just need a break. Public school has so many things to offer, but we would not want her to go to the school system where we live now. Granted we planned to move sometime in the next year or two...but that brings up the whole idea of where do we move? Do we look at more over the mountain schools and locations closer to Jeff's work? Do we stay local...close to friends and family and move to a better school system, but one that is closer to the are we are in now?

The whole Obama thing and his influence in public education scares me, but so does the crime and other factor that seem to weigh in with larger schools. I know a lot of these things are part of life and I can't shield her forever...but I'm trying to weigh all options as to what would be the best fit for Maura. Tabernacle has been a wonderful experience so far. I love 99% of everything that is maintained in that school, however doctrinal issues that may come up in older grades concerns me as well...not to mention the fact that tuition goes up each year.

Just lots to think about. I'm tired, I miss Jeff since he is rarely here, and just find myself lost at times.

Well hopefully a good night's sleep will help and things will look better tomorrow. Lots of things to pray about.

Good night.