Moron Day

at 10/13/08 1:41PM
Today is Columbus Day.

I also, by sheer coincidence, happen to live in Columbus, MS. This is confusing, at least initially. Mainly because my bank closed for Columbus Day, and the first I knew about it was when the door wouldn’t open. I must admit, I first thought that some mayor must have been a little too festival happy.

Seriously, my confusion over the lack of confetti downtown aside, there are some real issues with a bank being closed for Columbus Day, or anything being closed on Columbus Day for that matter, but especially a bank.

First of all, this is hardly the time for a bank to close for some random cracker holiday that no one cares about.

Photobucket“Sorry guys, but it’s Columbus Day for the rest of your life.”
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Second of all, Columbus was a hack.

Again, seriously, the guy landed on some island in the Caribbean and THOUGHT IT WAS INDIA. Why are we proud of that? You could just imagine a rancid, scurvy-ridden Christopher Columbus trudging up the beach and looking around at the natives.

Columbus: “Hey.”

Natives: “Hey.”

Columbus: “This India?”

Natives: “Uh… no.”

Columbus: “You sure? I was thinking this was India.”

Natives: “Yeah… we, you know, live here. This isn’t India at all.”

Columbus: “Humph… I really wanted this to be India…”

Natives: “Look, this is a tiny island. It will take you, like five minutes, to sail around it. Definitely not India.”

*Columbus goes back to his boat, then comes back after about five minutes.

Columbus: “Whatever. I’m white, and I’m going to call you guys Indians.”

That’s the role model I want for my children.

Photobucket“In some year no one remembers, Amerigo Vespucci draws a map of a new continent with blue around it, but no one cares because his name sounds foreign.”
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So, say whatever you want about the evils of Western Imperialism or enthno-cultural impacts, Christopher Columbus was a MORON. Why should banks close on a moron’s day?

If you are a store that sells something like, drapes, or maybe mullets, sure. Go ahead, close all you want to for Columbus Day. But seriously, a bank? A bank in the very confusingly named Columbus, MS?

I’d rather have confetti and drunk rednecks.

Photobucket“I don’t really care if you can’t get a perm on Columbus Day, but I want to cash my check.”
  • lonely_stargazer
    Plus, Columbus and most of the other Spanish explorers were inhumanely cruel to the Natives that lived there...why would we want to celebrate a guy who led a bloody massacre against the Natives in order to claim their lands? I don't know how Elementary school teachers can make him seem like such a great guy when he really wasn't.
    by lonely_stargazer at 10/13/08 3:37PM
  • ambiguous_username
    10/10. Well done. Columbus was just someone who happened to be in the wrong place at the right time. I wish I had a holiday for every time I've made the same mistake he did.
    by ambiguous_username at 10/13/08 5:03PM
  • metzgermom
    It's probably not too late to use the night depository. :^)
    by metzgermom at 10/13/08 5:23PM
  • smiley_face
    Nice. I agree. : ) You know that April Fool's day is atheists day?....
    by smiley_face at 10/13/08 5:43PM
  • soccer_warrior04
    I agree...What did Columbus ever do for me? All I get on Columbus Day is an uncashed pay check because the banks are closed. Thanks alot Columbus.
    by soccer_warrior04 at 10/13/08 7:36PM
  • dr_corndog
    Ah, these are the Ben Williamson posts I've missed for so long.
    by dr_corndog at 10/13/08 10:21PM
  • master_of_puppets
    Good point..lol
    by master_of_puppets at 10/14/08 9:37AM
  • phat_man
    The best part of this whole post is the caption for the first picture. Seriously, I laughed audibly by myself.
    by phat_man at 10/14/08 1:31PM
  • jetblack
    I thoroughly enjoyed the above post! :)
    by jetblack at 10/17/08 11:44AM