current time: 9:31 pm
what guy wants most in life: a giant white board (upon which to scrawl his lofty goals and aspirations)
there it is, your obligatory song lyric pleo title. and after an entire year off, the least i can be is obligatory. the most i can be is original, but that's not likely thanks to a particularly potent (alliteration!) camaroon i just enjoyed.
12 months is a fair pace, so let's get down to brass tacks. i don't even know what that last sentence means, but we're gonna move on because kids, there's some important topics we need to cover. namely...
baklava. i honestly believe baklava to be the future of dessert in these united states. think about it. baklava is...a) ethnic. therefore trendy. therefore appealing to the youth of our nation, and thus the future of american dessert. b) multi-layered. why consume a donut with merely one layer of sweetness when you can eat a baklava with literally hundreds of layers of sweet gooey deliciousness? c) triangular. geometric. quantifiable. guys, this is SCIENCE.
kings of leon. listen to this band. thank me later.
christian bale. dude, you gotta lose the batman voice. you're a talented guy, but that inflection is gonna be the undoing of your film career. listen to what i say! and listen to how i'm not saying it in a distracting, throaty growl.
ok, that's all i got. i could take it a step further and speculate on the recent discovery of the so-called "missing link". but the problem with speculation is that you make a speck out of you and...some guy named lation.* signing off, signing off.
*thank you, dr. house
ok, where were we? oh right, i was writing a mediocre pleo entry (problem solved). i don't know exactly who to blame for this, but it now costs me over $50 to fill my tank. i'm gonna go ahead and blame ford. and the detroit red wings, while i'm at it...
but lets focus on the positive, kids. i ate eggs benedict for the first time a couple weeks ago. i'm sure i've had opportunity to eat them before, but i guess i just always felt under-dressed. honest to blog, it was one of the most pleasurable experiences of my life. i'm kind of a breakfast guy.
lets see...other firsts. oh, i was electrocuted for the first time recently (not so pleasurable). and even as i use the word "electrocute", i understand that i am mis-using it. you see, "electrocution" requires death. i had no idea until i looked it up on the interweb after being "electrically shocked". i was gonna research how to avoid future electric shock, but i got distracted by the chronicles of narnia trailer. besides, my dad is an electrician so i'm probably covered?
i dunno. i hope this makes up for the previous fourth installment. you know, if alien: resurrection could have been erased from people's violated minds and re-filmed, alien vs. predator (AVP) might have never happened. but then again, it might have happened anyways. i think we can all take a lesson from that.
three entries. on the screen. its a milestone, kids. and i hate to say it, but i don't know how much longer i can keep this up. look, its not that i don't trust people.
ok, it is. it is that i don't trust people. and all these personal thoughts--these aphoristic musings--right there in black and white, with nary a password or a data-encryption. i mean, i guess i could pay the dues and get the gold, right? then only those on my exclusive "friends" list could read my thoughts...
at first the very idea was a travesty. and a sham. and a mockery. it was a traveshamockery. but the more i think about it, the better it sounds. i mean, if i have to read
2nd Coming Can Be Today
one more time, i'm gonna punch my computer screen in the face. right? all you goldmembers (and non-goldmembers) out there, feel free to chime in. is a gold membership all its cracked up to be? is it not all its not cracked up to be? what about, will the new m. night shyamalan film suck?
soapbox is yours. farley out.
i went clothes shopping on saturday. 3 shirts, 3 pairs of pants, 9 pairs of socks. if i count the socks as 1 item, then 5 of the 7 items i bought do not fit. thats 71 percent. or, a 29 percent rate of success.
lets do the math on this:
3 (pairs of pants) + 3 (shirts) x 4 (number of stores visited) / 17 (average number of people standing in line to try on clothes at each store) x -2 (my willingness to stand in line with those people) - 270 (dollars spent) / (the square root of) 3 (hours spent shopping) x 29 (percent of items that fit correctly once purchased) = x
where x is the overall success of the shopping trip
x = i hate clothes shopping with the fire of a thousand suns