I always start my writings mostly unknowing where to begin and how to end. I find that, on the whole, the things I write never end up how I thought they would from the beginning.

Today is no different. I have been conjuring up thoughts, as of late, reminiscent of experiences I’ve had in the past. Add to that, recent conversations with close friends about the ups and downs of life and, bada-bing, you have this entry.

I was talking with a good friend last night about the various troubles of life, and she, very pointedly, asked me “well, what lessons have you learned?” I was, at first, taken back. I have thought about ways I might do things differently, and the other ways that I might deal with situations, but I wanted something more… personal. I was looking for something that I could not only use to better my life, but also something that might encourage and edify my spiritual family.

(Bear with me as I have no idea where this is going lol)

Every one of us has been in a relationship. In fact, each one of us ARE, right now, in some sort of relationship; whether it be siblings, parents, friends, or with God, you have ties that bond you with another person. Maybe you have been one of the fortunate ones (yes, I said fortunate) who have had the privilege of being in a romantic/serious relationship with one of the opposite sex. To go further, maybe you have also been one of the fortunate (yes, I said fortunate again) who have been hurt by that person whom you loved more than you could ever put into words.

You shared so much with this person; hours of conversation, your deepest secrets, every minute fact about your life, prayers and Bible study. They told you all the things you wanted to hear: they cared about you, they loved you, they wanted to be with you, they’d never leave, and the list goes on and on. And because of your feelings for that person, you believed them and put every ounce of trust into the words they gave to you.

Then one day, for no apparent reason, it’s just… over. You’re left with feelings of bitterness, anger, and betrayal. You have so many questions, but are unable to obtain answers. You’re given no explanation as to the why’s, what’s or how’s, and there’s not a thing you can do about it. Confusion and loneliness begin to overtake you, and your outlook on everything about your life becomes increasingly bleak. And, as if it was the poison after the snake bite, you grasp for anything to fill the hole, but nothing does (or so it seems).

Back to my conversation last night…

As I attempted to keep count of all of the life-lessons I have learned throughout my life – and recent experiences – I found myself unable (why don’t you try counting the grains of sand on the seashore?). And then, as I struggled to sort out the flood of thoughts that bombarded my thought process, I realized it. I was guilty.

I had done the very thing to others that had hurt me so very much. Perhaps even worse, I had done it to God. You see, I had been injured by a girl (more than once, but we won’t get into that lol) who, for whatever reason, changed her mind. I would love to know why, but that’s probably one of those questions that will never have an answer. The reasons don’t really mater anyways. I had been betrayed by someone I loved, and who claimed to love me. She went back on her word, broke her promises, and seemed so cold as she walked away.

If I look at any day in my life, I don’t believe there has been one where I haven’t sinned in some fashion. Some sins are so small in the human thinking that we might even disregard them as “no big deal.” And yet, if we look at our sin as God sees it, we would think differently.

I have made promises to God. I have given God my word. I have told others I belong to Him. And yet, every single day, I go back on my word. Every day I betray the One who gives me everything I have and who makes me everything I am. I give Him my word, and then take it back as if it means nothing. So many times I take it back and don’t even flinch; I just walk away with no emotion as to the hurt that I’ve caused Him.

I’m a hypocrite of sorts. No, I’m simply a hypocrite. How can I feel so hurt by another human being when I, myself, do that very thing to the Creator of Heaven and Earth? How can I be so selfish as to focus on my pain and not even consider what I’m doing to my Father?

I know this is getting long, so I’ll cut it “short.” If you’ve ever been hurt by someone you loved, know that it’s ok and that you’ll make it through, and you’ll be so much better because of it. And if you’ve sinned, know that you have betrayed your God. Don’t take sin lightly; it’s not a game. Don’t hurt God like you’ve been hurt.

If you’ve watched any television lately (I do on occasion), perhaps you’ve seen the latest commercial for Wendy’s fast-food restaurant. In it, the all-white meat chicken is highlighted for its quality: “If it’s not all-white meat, it’s a gray area.” I find it interesting that having no “gray” areas in a lunch-time meal would prove to be so important as to make it the focal point of a 30-second commercial. After all, hasn’t Wendy’s always taken pride in their food?

I wonder, however, where this sort of advertisement leaves the viewer. Should we trust that the food is up to par with the standards they claim to hold? Should we take it upon ourselves to examine any meals we eat there, and inspect them to keep Wendy’s honest? What happens in the event we actually find something we consider to be a “gray” area? Is it really a big enough deal to make a fuss about it? Would we even bother worrying about it, or would we just eat it and hope we didn’t get sick later?

Then (as is becoming more and more typical), I began to relate this white-meat experience to my spiritual life. Everyone has heard it over and over again: if it’s not good, it’s bad. As Wendy’s so poignantly says, if it’s not white, it must be a gray area. Isn’t that true for us spiritually as well? If something we say, somewhere we go, or some thought we think it’s Philippians 4:8 worthy, should we not consider it to be a gray area?

If then, we see such “high” standards that our local fast-food eatery holds, it begs the question “do Christians hold such standards for themselves?” Yes, we (Christians, in general) are imperatively adamant about the “black” areas. We know and understand what the “bad sins” are, and we run – not simply walk – away from them almost frantically (at least, in public anyways). Yet, when it comes to the “lesser sins,” or perhaps things we are unsure of, we (myself included) always seem to find decent enough justification to ease our consciences. This mindset, as is so easy to accommodate, becomes habitual, and ultimately sears what once was an humble, sinless heart (hint at next sermon, perhaps? :-).

So, then, how do we deal with the occasional “gray” areas that so often plague our spiritual lives? First, we obviously need to know that they are there. This would imply a searching of ourselves to determine if we do, indeed, contain a less-than-white area that we wouldn’t put up with if it was inside our lunchtime meal. Second, we must be honest with ourselves in recognizing that it is there. Sure, you could always brush it off as “nothing,” but would you eat gristle in your sandwich?

Thirdly, we have to do something about it. If we wouldn’t eat some unidentified object in our meat, would we risk our soul for something that could possibly be to its detriment? Certainly not! Brothers and sisters, is the “whiteness” of your chicken more important to you than the “whiteness” of your soul? Why are we so incredibly concerned about the quality of the food we put into our bodies, yet so often act careless concerning what we put into out hearts and minds?

Does a piece of chicken have fewer gray areas than your spiritual life?

Every boyfriend/husband/male in the world will inevitably encounter that question to end all questions. That one inquisition that every female will, at some point, present to those who are important in her life.

"Does this make me look fat?"

Now, before anyone goes taking offense at my using females for an illustration, please understand that this is merely to make a point. Guys are odd in their own, special way, too.

To go along with 'the question,' every boyfriend/husband/male in the world knows how to answer the female in his life without thinking twice. "Fat? No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

Even if the item in question does add a few visual pounds, the answer is undoubtedly and fervantly "no." And, to the appeasement of the lovely lady in question, this is almost a no-fail answer. You see, it's not really about being brutally honest as much as it is making her feel beautiful despite what she thinks of her own appearance.

Why does she care anyways? What does it matter if she looks slightly wider in pink that she does in black? Does she really care that much what others think about her? Ohhhhh; now we're getting to the root of the issue. She wants to look her absolute best when she goes out in public, and she wouldn't dare wear something that she believed made her appear any different than how she really is.

Don't ask where these thoughts came from. I've had about 50 different sermon ideas bouncing around inside my head these past few days. This one may have simply slipped down the "pipe," so-to-speak, or it may have been courtesy of a recent happening. As is typical of me, I digress.

With as much care as we (read: women and men) take to look our best when at church, on a date, or out in the general public, I can't help but wonder why we don't put this much time and effort into our spiritual lives.

How concerned are we (read: you/me) about the appearance of your spirituality? Have you ever thought of asking someone you trust "does this make me look worldly?"

Have you ever taken the time to take one last look at your spiritual self before you walk out the door? How about examining what you say, where you go, what you do, what you watch, or what you listen to, and asking yourself "does this make me look worldly?"

I can't help but be reminded of the exhortation Paul gave to the church in Rome regarding these same sentiments:

 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.- Romans 12:1-2

We should be set apart from the world. We should be constantly renewing our mind, meditating on God's word so that we can be an approved workman.

James, Jesus' brother, also has pertinent thoughts that we should always consider:

 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.- James 1:22-25

So next time you get ready to leave your house and you stop to take one last look in the mirror before you go, remember that the outer man is perishing, but the inner man is being renewed day by day.

May God be glorified through your life.

I realize this will be two whole entries in one week, but to be honest, these really aren't for you; they're for me. Everything that is written here is because I need to hear it (or read it, as the case may be). This is one reason I love preaching. I can look into my life, find an insufficiency, study about how to improve myself, and tell my findings to others. The thoughts I write about presently are in accordance with a lesson I'm working on for Sunday night.

I digress.

It seems to me that there is never a shortage of Christians who outwardly act like Christians while 'at church.' That's because, I firmly believe, it is so much easier to be "ourselves" when we are around others who have like beliefs. We 'go to church,' do our spiritual duty, and we leave.

Then, when we find ourselves in the depths of spiritual distress, we ask ourselves "where is God?" We then try to figure out why there is such a feeling of distance between us and God. And all too often, it never occurs to us that we need to go to Him.

My mind begins to reel with a plethora of ideas. I know you might have expected more, but maybe I do others a disservice by drawing a conclusion for them.

Busily writing a sermon,
For His Glory

"I was wrong."

Throughout our lives, inevitably we find out that we, of course, are imperfect. As luck would have it, these times seem to always occur at the most inopportune times. Yet, we they do creep upon us, somehow we desire to ignore them if at all possible. We utterly refuse to admit the slightest hint of wrongdoing. I suppose that, from a purely humanistic standpoint, we despise the feeling of inadequacy that admittance of such a mistake oftentimes overtakes us when we say this simple phrase.

Even more difficult than this, however, is the act of forgiving someone. Especially one who maybe doesn't see they've done any wrong, or those who simply refuse to fess up to it. It is particularly tough to let something go that has put you through quite a bit of misery, while the guilty party goes on with life acting as if nothing ever happened.

You begin to question almost everything. Feelings of anger, or even hate, begin to come over you like a dark rain cloud about to burst with torrential storms. Animosity sets in, and you despise the one who has wronged you. All of these feelings entrench themselves within your very being, and begin to transform who you are at your very core.

Yet, in all of this, we lose sight of what is right. It is not for us to hand out judgment to those who have wronged us. It is not our place to get answers from them or to avenge the things done to us. In fact, our response to these kinds of individuals should be quite the opposite.

A very good friend and I were discussing this topic the other day. It started, ironically, from discussing songs we're including in a hymnal I'm putting together. A beautiful song that Glenda Schales wrote called Father, Forgive:

Father, forgive; They know not what they do,"
Christ cried from the depths of piercing, agonizing pain.
Mercy and love, victorious o'er His suff'ring,
Flowed forth with the grace their hate could not constrain.

"Lord, do not hold this sin against their souls."
These words Stephen pled before he took his dying breath.
Mercy and love prevailed with mighty power,
And grace did bestow a peace that conquered death.

Lord, please forgive the ones who trouble me;
They know not the hurt and crushing anguish that they give.
Mercy and love thus triumph over suff'ring,
For I realize my own sins, You forgive.
This songs speaking from three different perspectives: Jesus', Stephen's, and mine/yours. Let's look at what the Bible specifically says regarding the two former examples.

As most of you know, the story of Stephen ends with his untimely death, killed my those who hated him because he stood up for Christ.

"And when they had driven him out of the city, they began stoning him, and the witnesses laid aside their robes at the feet of a young man named Saul. And they went on stoning Stephen as he called upon the Lord and said, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!" And falling on his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them!" And having said this, he fell asleep."- Acts 7:58-60

And then the example of our Lord, willingly forfeiting His perfect life for our sins.
And when they came to the place called The Skull, there they crucified Him and the criminals, one on the right and the other on the left. But Jesus was saying, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing." And they cast lots, dividing up His garments among themselves.- Luke 23:33-34

I'm not exactly sure if it is incredibly significant, but, in both of these examples, neither of those who were "wronged" is ever mentioned to have personally forgiven those who killed them. Instead, they asked God to show forgiveness towards them.

And, while some say 'no forgiveness without repentance,' and though some may treat us terribly and show no remorse, we need not forget that we are to emulate Christ and the example He showed us. After all, have we not committed to wearing Christ?

So, brothers and sisters, forgiveness is not merely the verbalization "I forgive you," but it is continuing to love and care about them just as Christ Himself did.

PS - Thanks to Moses for our conversation yesterday.