07/24/09 5:08AM
4:00am and I am still wide awake.. Operation "Get used to waking up earlier" has very likely failed due to this occurance.
Failsauce
Failsauce
Free Time
Recently I decided to give up something in my life that was taking up (read: wasting) an obscene amount of my time. The problem is, I don't necessarily have something (or several things) to fill up all of that time. I know some of you are thinking, "WOW I just WISH I had free time just sitting around.." but you have to keep in mind that 1) I live by myself in an apartment, so cleaning and decorating takes up little to no time 2) I'm also single and don't have a family that demands my time, nor do I really have friends in town to spend time with 3) due to debt that I am very agressively trying to get paid off I really don't have a lot of money to spend either. It's pretty much just little ole me trying to entertain myself. I read quite a bit, watch TV (which I really don't like to do) some, and often end up staring at Facebook or Pleonast hoping that something marginally interesting will come up. I think I really need to find a new hobby.. everybody has things they like to do, and I just don't anymore. Lame huh? Anyone have any thoughts??
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Embroidery. Console games. Local evangelism. Working out. Writing your memoirs. Web design. Community sports refereeing. Visiting the elderly. Selling Lemonade. Painting. Fight Club. Making music videos of random anime set to annoying techno music. Making youtube videos of yourself singing Disney songs. Any of these help? -
I vote for the videos of Disney songs! :) -
Bike ride! Exercise! Read some books! -
find a group to play frisbee with. that is a great use of time. keeps you in shape, too! i miss frisbee. -
I'm no help, all the stuff I do to stay entertained is kinda girly -- scrapbooking and sewing (i'm learning to sew). BUT...my husband's hobby is being prepared. Seriously, he is on some survival forums and they discuss all kinds of things to do in case of the worst case scenario (natural disasters, terrorist attacks....zombie outbreaks). He collects guns and knives (that part is expensive) but also other supplies and he has actual plans for all kinds of different issues. He goes walking to find and map out different routes out of sa -- by foot, car, etc...he really enjoys it. Maybe kind of paranoid but, in case something DOES happen, we're prepared. Especially for zombie outbreaks. LOL. -
...? You.... embroidery? Wow. I was going to tell you some suggestions but at this current point in time I'm completely stuck on the embroidery bit. -
Right? I don't think he is though... I reckon Zach is an expert at little stitcheries.
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im planning on learning how to build a fire tomorrow with sticks... -
I did ply my needles at it years ago. I had the dexterity and obsessive patience to do the tedious work, but then I decided to build a model NCC-1701-D with my summer vacation. You get nerd points if you recognize what that serial number belongs to. (And I maintain that I promptly forgot all embroidery terms and techniques, if I ever knew them to begin with).
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HEY so I went back and read old posts and I got a kick out of the conversation with Gabby that went something like this:
Gabby: Today, when I sneezed, bubbles came out of my nose!
Me: Oh really? How do you know that?
Gabby: Cause I saw 'em. And then I popped them with my tongue... like this!
I remember you often getting a kick out of that and I hoped you would this time as well. -
I know how you feel about finding things to do that don't involve spending money! Now that I'm not working, I had to find free or cheap things to do (when I'm not studying or at school). Like going to the beach (free at Surfside anyways) or going to the zoo & museum with a friend who has season passes because they have a kid or two. :) -
get a dog! That'll keep you busy, give you company, and if it's a really cute dog it'll help attract the ladies! ;) -
ohhh working out! :) i wanna start doing that.. or going back pack camping?!... :D -
Why yes, that is bad! LOL!
Hope you're having a good day! :) -
I like to play electronic Yahtzee :)
Something else
Tell me what YOU are up to this summer, and why haven't I seen YOU yet?!
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I'm taking care of a little tiny baby. Actually, for a baby he's not that tiny. And, I haven't seen you because of said baby and the times you've been in San Antonio, I've been gone. So sad. :(
What are YOU doing this summer? :D -
We will be here! YAY!
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Beginning to clean the house in preparation for your arrival ... what else would i be doing ... playing halo? -
Because you're going to be heading my way in 3...2....1....
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yeah ... it said avatar ... so i put the first avatar that came to mind
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Sorry! Guess you can just change my name to make it fit! :) I need to marry someone with a short last name for sure! haha! -
Summer school :( -
Good question.
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I am teaching summer school. (Fun times) but tomorrow is the last day! -
haha.. glad you liked it! I heard another rendition of it, but it had the same outcome.
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Not much. I'm in NC!?!? Guess that would be why :) -
YOUR COMING TO SEE ME!!!!! ;D ive been doing school! :(
Frustration
So, I know that I don't really post on here that often, but honestly I don't really think nearly as many people get on here these days anyway. This post is really a bit more for me to get some thoughts off of my chest rather than to solicit responses from anyone in particular. Nothing in this post is really anything new to anyone who knows me well, and to the rest it's really not much more than a passing concern..
I'm in a bit of an annual funk
I'm feeling depressed
I'm feeling pretty lonely in particular
I have never really been one to ask for very much in this world. There are things that I would enjoy having, places I would like to see, and things I would have a lot of fun doing, but I've never even remotely felt like I ~needed~ those things, or that my life was any less exciting or fulfilled without them. Really all that I've really wanted was to be moderately successful in my job, to have a church that I can be involved in, have a few friends that are dear to me, and to get married and raise a christian family.
Disregarding some of the more frustrating parts of my job (everyone has those at their workplace from time to time), I really can't complain. I feel like I'm good at what I do, and many of my students are very successful performers, and (almost more important to me) have grown up into some very respectable, self-confident individuals. While there are a few aspects of my job that I might enjoy being improved, my current situation is enough for me if that is what I am given.
I love my church family here in Lufkin. They are some very sweet people who love the Lord and are usually very supportive of me. It is a bit frustrating to me that most of them don't understand why I try to leave town as much as I do whether because of my job or to visit other churches (usually in an overwhelming need to find other christians my own age, of which there are none at my current congregation), and, like many places I have been in the last 6-8 years, my fellow christians unfortunately assume the worst and talk to each other about it rather than come to ask me what I've been up to. Still, I don't hold it against them. They are good people, and more importantly: they are HUMAN. If I can't be forgiving, then I can expect that I will be in quite a bit of trouble myself one day. Again, what I have here is enough for me.. I can be content with this.
I do miss having friends very much. I know that in reading this many of you will think, "Hey, I'm your friend!! Don't forget about me!", but in truth I would be willing to bet that most of you (with only a couple of exceptions) haven't even thought my name in the last year. I don't hold it against you.. many of you are married and raising your own families, or you're in college and have more friends than you know what to do with, or we've just been apart for so long that we've just drifted apart. All of those reasons are perfectly acceptable and I don't feel angry or left out of things. I just REALLY miss having friends that I get to see on a regular basis.
The real frustration in my life is that I want so badly to be a husband and father and I am being denied that opportunity. Some people look down on me for that desire saying that I must be desperate, or that I should enjoy my time single and go do things and see things while I have the chance. Well, in my view, I would rather do all of those things WITH that person rather than tell them about it. I'm frustrated that I have kept myself for 32 years.. that I try to treat any girl that I date with respect and in return I barely get a second look, because they're looking for someone that's more of a 'bad guy' or because they see me more as a 'big brother' than marriage material. I'm tired of being told by people who have been married since they were 22 or by people who are barely out of High School that "you're young.. you still have plenty of time." Those people have absolutely no idea what it feels like to be alone for this long. Am I desperate? Certainly not. I want a wife and children more than anything else in this life, but not so much to settle for someone that I am not in love with. I will not compromise my christianity, will not marry someone that I do not feel is 'the one' just for the sake of being with someone. Despite all of that, is it really too much to ask after all of this time to find that 'one' person? Am I saying all of this in hopes that one of you will 'find me someone'? No, not really.. I wouldn't want anyone other than those that know me best to be trying to 'set me up' and I'm pretty sure that most of them are as stumped when it comes to finding me someone as I am. Sometimes I'm reminded of something my dad once said: "Be careful when you're looking for the perfect girl, because when you find her she might be looking for her perfect guy, and you might not be it." If many (read: most at this point) of my friends are an example, it's possible to find a situation where you are BOTH perfect for each other. I still won't settle. As I said before, I'm just putting all of this down do get it off of my chest, so to speak.
I don't want to hear, "just be patient," because I have been, and still am.
I don't want to hear, "pray about it," because I have for more days across more years than I can count.
I'm not really sure that I want to hear anything. I just had something to say.
I'm in a bit of an annual funk
I'm feeling depressed
I'm feeling pretty lonely in particular
I have never really been one to ask for very much in this world. There are things that I would enjoy having, places I would like to see, and things I would have a lot of fun doing, but I've never even remotely felt like I ~needed~ those things, or that my life was any less exciting or fulfilled without them. Really all that I've really wanted was to be moderately successful in my job, to have a church that I can be involved in, have a few friends that are dear to me, and to get married and raise a christian family.
Disregarding some of the more frustrating parts of my job (everyone has those at their workplace from time to time), I really can't complain. I feel like I'm good at what I do, and many of my students are very successful performers, and (almost more important to me) have grown up into some very respectable, self-confident individuals. While there are a few aspects of my job that I might enjoy being improved, my current situation is enough for me if that is what I am given.
I love my church family here in Lufkin. They are some very sweet people who love the Lord and are usually very supportive of me. It is a bit frustrating to me that most of them don't understand why I try to leave town as much as I do whether because of my job or to visit other churches (usually in an overwhelming need to find other christians my own age, of which there are none at my current congregation), and, like many places I have been in the last 6-8 years, my fellow christians unfortunately assume the worst and talk to each other about it rather than come to ask me what I've been up to. Still, I don't hold it against them. They are good people, and more importantly: they are HUMAN. If I can't be forgiving, then I can expect that I will be in quite a bit of trouble myself one day. Again, what I have here is enough for me.. I can be content with this.
I do miss having friends very much. I know that in reading this many of you will think, "Hey, I'm your friend!! Don't forget about me!", but in truth I would be willing to bet that most of you (with only a couple of exceptions) haven't even thought my name in the last year. I don't hold it against you.. many of you are married and raising your own families, or you're in college and have more friends than you know what to do with, or we've just been apart for so long that we've just drifted apart. All of those reasons are perfectly acceptable and I don't feel angry or left out of things. I just REALLY miss having friends that I get to see on a regular basis.
The real frustration in my life is that I want so badly to be a husband and father and I am being denied that opportunity. Some people look down on me for that desire saying that I must be desperate, or that I should enjoy my time single and go do things and see things while I have the chance. Well, in my view, I would rather do all of those things WITH that person rather than tell them about it. I'm frustrated that I have kept myself for 32 years.. that I try to treat any girl that I date with respect and in return I barely get a second look, because they're looking for someone that's more of a 'bad guy' or because they see me more as a 'big brother' than marriage material. I'm tired of being told by people who have been married since they were 22 or by people who are barely out of High School that "you're young.. you still have plenty of time." Those people have absolutely no idea what it feels like to be alone for this long. Am I desperate? Certainly not. I want a wife and children more than anything else in this life, but not so much to settle for someone that I am not in love with. I will not compromise my christianity, will not marry someone that I do not feel is 'the one' just for the sake of being with someone. Despite all of that, is it really too much to ask after all of this time to find that 'one' person? Am I saying all of this in hopes that one of you will 'find me someone'? No, not really.. I wouldn't want anyone other than those that know me best to be trying to 'set me up' and I'm pretty sure that most of them are as stumped when it comes to finding me someone as I am. Sometimes I'm reminded of something my dad once said: "Be careful when you're looking for the perfect girl, because when you find her she might be looking for her perfect guy, and you might not be it." If many (read: most at this point) of my friends are an example, it's possible to find a situation where you are BOTH perfect for each other. I still won't settle. As I said before, I'm just putting all of this down do get it off of my chest, so to speak.
I don't want to hear, "just be patient," because I have been, and still am.
I don't want to hear, "pray about it," because I have for more days across more years than I can count.
I'm not really sure that I want to hear anything. I just had something to say.
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I love you.
You're right not to settle. Very right. I can't tell you how right. But it's also a compromise of sorts in its own way, of course.
Glad you're coming soon. We will help you de-funk. :) -
I thought your name very recently. Well within the past year. :-)
I'm sorry for the loneliness... it's not an easy thing to deal with. -
Hey Mike, I'm glad to hear from you on pleonast. I'm so sorry you are dealing with all those feelings. :( I definitely don't think you are desperate. I think that almost everyone in this world desires to get married, especially Christians, who want to raise a Godly family. I truly think there is someone for everyone, in God's time. I know that probably sounds so cliche, but I really do believe it!! I definitely can also understand wanting a to find a church family that is closer to your age, people you can hang out with and spend time with on a regular basis. Aren't there several churches in Lufkin? Are there any with more people your age? Speaking of Lufkin, my cousins are moving there this summer!! So you might get a chance to meet them. Their names are Stefanie and Scott Vanderwood. He is going to be doing a preaching internship at one of the churches there. Remember that time you came, and we played all those silly games, and you did that Chinese spoons game?? (haha...that was so much fun!!!) Anyways, those are my two cousins that are coming to Lufkin. Ok, sorry I have gone on and on now!! I hope you can enjoy your summer!! Going out and doing things and meeting new people is what always helped me. :)
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wow, that was longer than I even realized!
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I think it all stinks. Frustration is a rotten thing and I'm not happy you are going through it. -
I know you don't want to hear "pray about it", because you have been so I wont tell you that, but I just wanted to tell you that I will be praying for you and thinking about you. Hope this all gets better soon, and I'm sorry you've been so frustrated! Hope to see you in Houston sometime soon :)
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thanks! I did work pretty hard and I've got one more year left of it! Sorry about the funk phase. Summer will help you get through it right? :) I'll be praying for you!
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I don't usually advocate online dating but have you checked out the website churchofchristsingles.com We have a good friend that met his present wife on there and they have been married for 1.5 years now. You may remember David Jones who was preaching some for us a few years ago. He is who I am referring to and I also know a local woman who met a fellow and has been dating him for several years. Just a thought to dwell on. I know it is really hard for singles your age to meet other Christians and I want you to meet someone great. -
Mike I feel your pain and I know the feeling of loneliness. At least you haven't made the wrong choice, and for that I say well done. Most people don't have the will power and settle and divorce. I hope you remember who I am it has been some years. Email me sometime, I would like to catch up. deondra_s@yahoo.com -
Come to the rock lock!! -
I can hear the pain in what you write Mike and just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Love you!
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Yes Mike it has been forever! I hope to see you soon. Will you be going to the Rock Lock?
In lighter news...
I just made tea for the first time ever.. and I kinda messed it up. Sometimes I hate being domestically ignorant. :P
PS: Yes REALLY for the first time. lol...
PS: Yes REALLY for the first time. lol...
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Well, anytime you need help with that...
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Wow...you need a lesson in tea making? Turn to Jessica...She makes the BEST tea EVER.... -
i make it in the coffee maker. :)
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how did you mess this up? we need to talk!
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lol
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i'm proud of you. i remember having to buy coffee for your place because the only stuff you had was like two years old. -
lol. i just read meagan's comment. I don't like to brag but this is the only thing i CAN brag about. i do make the best tea :) my mom taught me well. yes yes -
I have NEVER made tea! I'm just not a tea person. -
Happy birthday! -
Happy (late) Birthday :) and I'm smiling :D -
do you know any of the songs I have listed on my blog?
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I better ask you on facebook!
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I miss you too!! You should come visit. I've been talking about you a lot lately, it seems.
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I have a season pass, so now you definitely need to come!!
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SeaWorld ROCKS!!
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charade08
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PS: 8/2/09 4:13am ... Still wide awake.. *sigh*
happy
holidays!