I need a really big broom to clean up this mess

It's been a long time since I put in an entry. Life has been really good latly, on some accounts. Whail on others there a lot more difficult. I find my self thinking of the phrase " God never gives us more then we can handle" not to mention I find myself praying a lot more then i used to. In fact i never used to pray and i am praying on a regular basis now. I'm sure it has something to do with the man in my life. I finnaly have Clay as the official boyfriend. And he has been everything and more to me. Since we made our relationship official I've noticed a change in both him and me. He tells me more and confides in me of things he hadn't before. However me. I've notcied i'm really on edge about us. I refuse to really start conflict. Which of thoses who know me i've never been afraid to speak my mind. I guess i'm scared because I don't want to lose him. I've felt a lot of pain, and gone through a lot in the past years, and i don't want to go thru that again. Which comes to why i'm praying more. I've been praying a lot for god's guidence to help me stay strong and not have silly worries that i know shouldn't be there because they isnt a reason. See I get really nervouse and start thinking that there are problems, but when i tell him of my fears and worries he tells me i'm being rediculous and there is nothing wrong. I think it might be my hormones or it might be something compltly different. I'm not sure. But it got me reading the bible and praying agian. so amybe it's not such a bad thing. However the uneasy sickness in my stoumach is really irritateing after awhile.
I started collage to. Which i'm really lieking it. Clay was the reason on that also. He realyl encouraged me adn so far i'm likeing it. I'm studying paralegal. Which is really interesting and i'm hopeing to do well. My classes have been realy easy so far but i have a feeling there going to get tough soon.
As far as the parents go. I really am confused there. my dad needs a lot of prayer and a lot of help. there is more drama there then i know what to do with. I dont understand what my mom is doing let alone thinking. I think the divorce was good. it got him away and out of our lives, becasue he was jsut dragging us down deeper and deeper. but now that there seperated he keep trying to come back in, and I dont' want him around. I dont think that my mom can see that he isnt good for us. I mean he saw the house was falling apart and just left! He left us there. he walked out and quit. and yes i should forgive him and i shouldnt be so angry but i cnat help it. He's not even sorry for what he's done. And mom well I love my mother, But i see mistakes shes making and i know i come across to her like i'm trying to control her life, but it seems that her priorities arnt where they should be. And i'm to worried about her and austin to really focus on my own life. Austin wants nothing to with dad. and latly he has wanted less to do with mom because he's getting older and realizeing that the way things are right now, shouldnt be. I'm jsut stressed on what to do. and I dont' know how to handle everything on my plate. I know i can But I'm jsut not sure how.

The Bomb Dot Com

Is my new Phrase. I love it!

Also in love with a bunch of new music and new artists

LOVE my boyfriend, friend type thing

Fair's comming up. Gonna LOVE that too, staying up late, Runnning around like CRAZY. Fireworks and partys!!!!

Specially cause I'm gonna spend a WHOLE BUNCH of time, with my boyfriend friend thingy. LOLZ

Laundry, cleaning, cookouts, maybe even some Moveing?? Hopefully nots!!

I do have an irritation. I completly understand that some are closer with others. But not only do i Already feel confused because i'm so out of the loop.Most the time i also fee unwanted, Like i'm done something wrong and my friendship isnt even Needed anymore. I mean it's not like were super close. But i do love them and care about them. I try to take the time out of an already hectic busy schedual to see them. or even call them and i get the run around like no matter what, their going to be to busy to even see me. Not only that but i already have a feeling that other people dont want to see me either.... it's just a hunch Because when i have visted them It's been very uncomfortable liek " How dare you come see us. what were you thinking" and it seemed like we were strangers only ONE i felt even cared that we were their. It's irritateing. I Hate not having people around that i grew up with. But when you get treated like you dont matter. or the only time they even seem to care is when your hurting. Is rediculous.

I have much more to say. But i feel I will save it for another time

Amanda
  • teelduo
    Hang in there! OXOX
    by teelduo at 06/17/09 10:21AM

:)

I've gotten a lil over 3 hours of sleep.... I'm gonna leave for work in a min. ( 10-7) then gotta get ready, and make sure all is here and done by 10 30 pm so we can all head up to Michigan City to go the beach... and i'm prolly not gonna get home till late!........ I should of just taken the day off!!

Oh well
I'm gonna have a blast....
Yah!!!!!!

Hows ya'lls weekend going so far?
  • teelduo
    You have fun and don't fall in! ROFL
    by teelduo at 04/25/09 2:41PM
  • curlie
    Happy birthday! :)
    by curlie at 04/28/09 4:12PM

The best 9 Dollars i ever spent

So every now and then my mom likes to refer to me as her evil spawn... You don't realize how true it is.

Last night I went out with a few friends, Justin and Alexis. We went to wal-mart and Looked around to see where my mom was, Took FOREVER to find her to. Finally we found her and after we proceeded to walk around and Some plastic wrap was bought.

We went outside, and walked over to my mom's Van. I have a set of keys to the car, so i was able to open the door and then we covered my mom's car in the plastic wrap. I must of ran around it about 100 times. but i used every piece of plastic. :)

What made it all better was Justin kept saying "Your gonna get in trouble" and at one point i was running around the car, I looked up and saw the two night managers standing outside, Now for a moment i thought maybe i might get in trouble, but i just waved and they waved back.

Not to mention that Alexis, was all worried i was going to be in a lot of trouble, and that it was going to take my mom forever to get it off, my mom has a box cutter she has to take with her for work. It would take her less then 5 min to get it all off.

Honestly it was the best 9 dollars i ever spent....
  • teelduo
    YOU NUT! I would sleep with one eye open though. LOL
    by teelduo at 04/19/09 1:56PM
  • duodamsel
    Ummmm, more like less than 2 min. ;)
    by duodamsel at 04/20/09 7:19AM

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything! -Coco Chanel :)

So I went to a funeral today... The Funeral of my fish!!!! Yah my cat ate both of them. I almost cried... Now i have a fishbowl and no Fish... i kinda wanna buy some more now LOL i gotta think of a better way to keep them safe tho. So maybe later.

In other news... I Hvae no phone... By choice.... SO It kinda Sucks but then again it doenst.. i just gotta pay the bill when i wanna talk again and all is well. That and i gotta make sure i change my plan a lil bit.

thats about all.

  • teelduo
    ooooops on the phone and sorry bout the fish. You need a hood on top to keep the cat out.
    by teelduo at 04/11/09 10:37PM
  • duodamsel
    :X
    by duodamsel at 04/13/09 7:22AM