Friends

A British newspaper once offered a prize to whoever could come up with the best definition of the word "Friend." The winning entry was, "A friend is someone who comes in when the whole world has gone out."

As human beings, we crave friendship. When I say friendship, I mean true friendship--not just casual acquaintances--but people with whom we can laugh our heads off with, spill out our guts to, care for, be encouraged by, share advice, love, and trust.
Unfortunately, these days it seems like it's really hard to find someone that has all of these attributes. I'll admit that there's a very small number of people in my life that I do all these things with. But that's what makes them so special. I'm definitely not going to say that I perfectly display all of the characteristics of a true friend because often I don't. But it's something that I strive to get better at and pray about every day, and so should we all I believe.

Because it's so hard to find people that have the said characteristics of a true friend, it's vitally important to choose you friends with care.
Proverbs 12:26 says, "The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray."
When we begin associating with the wrong people, we become like them.
But wait! "Good morals improve bad company," right? This sounds good....but is it? I wish it were true. Unfortunately, generally speaking, it's not, and it is not what the Inspired Scriptures state.
Corinthians 15:33 says "Be not deceived. Evil companions corrupt good morals."
We must remember a little leaven leavens the whole lump. Don't let that leaven into your life and you won't find yourself caught up in sin. My dad has a saying that he loves to repeat all the time, and it has always stuck with me. The saying is, "Sin will take you farther than you want to go, make you stay longer than you want to stay, and make you pay more than you want to pay." I believe probably 99% of the time, the reason we fall into sin is because of bad influences in our life. That's why it is so important to choose our friends carefully, even in the church!
Prov. 27:17 states, "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." Find someone who you know will sharpen you. Or else you're going to go dull spiritually, and what does it profit if you gain the whole world and lose your soul?

True friends are there during the difficult times. In fact, many times you find out who your true friends are when you are going through the difficult times. When your going through these times, those friends who are out there for their own interest are going to disappear, but those who are true are going to stick it out with you and be there for you. Proverbs 17:17 says "A friend loves at all times..."

Prov. 27:14 states "He who blesses his friend with a loud voice in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him." I think there's a lot of sarcasm in this verse. And I love it. I think that it teaches us a little bit about the definition of a friend.
For example, I know some people are morning people. To those of you who are, I don't understand you at all. I don't understand how some of you can wake up at 6:00am in the morning and are ready to start the day with a smile. I'm just not like that. I am a night person and that's when I function best. The point is, however, if you're a true friend to someone, you know what they like and dislike. You know if they are a morning or night person. Obviously if you had a friend who is a night person who loves to sleep in, you wouldn't wake them up at 6:00am, shouting at them. When you think about it, how many people know you that well? How many people that you call a friend know what you like and dislike? There usually aren't very many people that fit in that category. The ones that do, however, are probably your true friends, because you care about them and know them.

In order to have real friends, we need to learn how to be real friends. Prov. 18:24 says, "He who has friends must himself be friendly..." Sometimes people want to be everyone's best friend, but then in return, they don't give that friendship that others give them. When individuals do this, however, it usually ends up where the person realizes that the other person isn't truly looking out for their best interests. I think we have to always remember that friendship isn't all about me! Friendship is all about the other person! We are commanded in the Bible to put others before ourself and serve others, but I believe we often forget this. The verse goes on to say "...but there is one who sticks closer than a brother." There are very few who you can have that best friend relationship with. And I think it's probably not a good or healthy thing to have too many "best friends," because when you have too many "best friends," you tend to not have enough time for some, and pay more attention to others which only causes strife. The thing is, this relationship is supposed to be reciprocal. You only get back what you have put into the friendship. If we put our time and efforts into a friendship wisely, that's when we will get in return a true, beneficial, and sturdy friendship.

The definition of backbiting is "to speak unfavorably or slanderously of a person who is not present." As Christians, we're told not to speak slanderously about one another. We don't need to be told this, however, because it should be a given. Backbiting doesn't improve our relationship with anybody, and it sure isn't something that's going to benefit us in any way. On the other hand, however, we should have trust in each other and not accuse others of backbiting unless we have proof. Giving people the benefit of the doubt is one of the hardest things for me to do. But it's what we're supposed to do as Christians. If you suspect someone is backbiting about you, go to them and ask them about it. Don't call someone a backbiter behind their back--think about it.

"He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends." We find this proverb in Proverbs 17:9. Please...when someone faults you, forgive them. I know it sounds 3rd-gradish, but, "Forgive and forget." Gossip is one of, if not the largest cause of destroyed friendships. We have to remember that when we talk about each other, we are separating ourselves not only from that friend, but from God! Matthew 12:36 tells us we are going to give account for every idle word that proceeds from our mouth. We always need to be careful and watch what we say. When someone is gossiping or backbiting against you, don't ignore that person, but approach them about it. I can never stand when friends ignore each other. I understand sometimes friends need breaks from each other, but when you flat out ignore someone, it's not Christian-like at all. How many heavens do we think there are going to be? Are you going to act like that in heaven? Think about it...

Lastly, friends should be there to encourage one another. This is one of the most important characteristics of friendship I believe. Hebrews 3:13 states, "But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin." It's our responsibility to encourage one another, and compliment one another for their spiritual steadfastness. How else are we going to be goaded to walk the narrow path? Other than encouraging one another for the spiritual aspect, we can find in Proverbs 16:24 that it's just good for us period. "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones."
But let's also remember Apostle John's words in I Jn. 3:18--"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but in deed and in truth." Show your friendship through your actions, not empty words.

And remember that winning entry--"A friend is someone who comes in when the whole word has gone out."