I'm back. I'll admit it I've been in FaceBook land. Nothing personal, I just don't have the personal discipline to maintain two blogs/networking sites. But now I have WAY too many 'friends' so I'm going to hang out here for a while and rest.

I'm doing well, how bout all of you?

I probably have to have surgery.

For the last 6-8 weeks I’ve been dealing with some major pain and my doctors have discovered two tumors in my Uterious. Not malignant, they’re fibroids. Nasty suckers that are pushing against some internal organs in ways they shouldn’t. They’re fast growing, one is already bigger than a golf ball. Because of their placement if they get much bigger I’m going to have some serious health problems. I’ve got an appointment with a surgeon in the morning. I’ll keep you informed. In the mean time I may be out of pocket for a while.

Prayers are totally requested.

Since January someone at Livingston has been anonymously giving us gift cards to a local grocery store.

A visa gift card appeared in time to help pay for Scott’s surgery, also anonymously.

We received a check in the mail last week from one of our widows (every time I think of this I cry).

Our computer died last November; Scott’s grandfather found out last week and sent the money to replace it.

A brother at Livingston offered to custom build a system for Scott so he can use the computer to work from home. He’s donating all his time.

A sweet friend offered to cut our hair for free, Scott gets rides to his appointments while i work, food gets dropped off at our door.

People keep offering words of sympathy and comfort and I appreciate the sentiment behind them but . . . this has been one of the most joyful times in my life. I am learning generosity and I am learning humility.

Scott has not been able to work since August. I can honestly say we have not wanted for anything in that time. Our physical and spiritual family has provided. God has provided.

I go to the store with one of these cards in hand and I’m motivated toward greater stewardship with this precious gift, this sacrifice someone has made on our behalf. I make sure that not a dime is wasted. I’m reminded that not just this gift card but also everything I have is a gift. All belongs to the Lord and I’ve come to understand that all WE do is shift it around. So I’ve committed that as I make the dinners that one of my brethren paid for, one of them will eat it with us.

Who’s free for supper?

The doctor says Scott may need to see an Endocrinologist. For those of you who like me have no idea what an Endocrinologist is I offer the following definition:

Endocrinology is a branch of medicine dealing with disorders of the endocrine system and its specific secretions called hormones.

This is apparently to do with dangerously low blood sugar levels they’ve noticed in his blood work. Nurse Jacky has been nervous about this for some time. They’ll do some blood work today and then based on the results (which will come in next Tuesday) they’ll make some recommendations.

Our list of doctors has remained constant for about a month now, I suppose it was time to add a new one. ;)

He has a two-week break from the IV and then he’s back on for another two weeks. Keep the prayers coming.

I plan to continue my thoughts on the beauty and blessings God has lead me to see in my life in my next post. I just wanted you to know what was up with my Scotty.

Stay tuned.

• 2003-2005: befriend and fall in love with Scott Crafts
• June 06: marry Scott
• July 06-April 07 series of frustrating Doctor visits and tests.
• March 07: Scott diagnosed with AADD. Doctors recommend therapy and further tests
• May 07: Scott was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. My sister gets married.
• July 07: Scott unable to work
• August: Begin aggressive treatment
Scott goes on short term medical disability
his mom moves in
Nurse Jackie becomes a regular part of our lives.
• September: acting on advice of a trusted elder & friend I begin therapy with a faith based counselor.
Treatment continues.
I learn to make peanut butter cookies from memory-they’re Jackie’s favorite
• October: Scott continues treatment and disability benefits kick in. Also my other sister gets married.
• November: FMLA protection expires
Scott’s has to be replaced at work.
Treatment continues, by the end of month Scott is worse.
• December: Scott’s P.I.C. line is put in (this is a disgusting process) because he now needs to be given an even stronger (dangerous) dosage of antibiotics.
• January: Scott shows signs of improvement; his mom goes home.
P.I.C line comes out.
Doctor informs us Scott has a series of secondary infections.
Scott scheduled for tonsillectomy.
• February: Scott is back on the I.V. after surgery sets him back.

That’s the simplified version. There are lots of details of daily life with a disease that I left out. Trust me, you’d rather not know. Now that we’re all caught up I’d like to spend my next few entries on how these experiences have emphasized to me how wonderful my life is. Since yesterday was Valentines Day, I’ll start with this:

I’m totally in love with Scott. I thought I was in love with him when I married him, now I realize I was WAY naïve. In a bible study Ed Culp asked a group of us “ If you squeeze an orange, what comes out?” The answer is obviously orange juice. The same applies to people. If you want to see someone’s true character apply pressure. Here some attributes I’ve seen squeezed out of Scott:
1. Beautiful prayers. I’ve tried to write some of them down but I don’t do them justice. I love seeing God through his eyes right now. In his condition God is strength, courage, peace, & comfort.

2. A high tolerance for pain. No self pity, no whining. When the doctor told us Scott needed to have his tonsils removed I laughed. What, his tonsils? He doesn’t act like he has a sore throat. He’s mentioned his throat is a little tight and asked for a cup of tea but that’s about it. So the doctor had me look at his throat. I don’t understand how he was eating. There was no space in his throat with his tonsils infected like that (for those of you wondering Lyme doesn’t cause tonsillitis. He just doesn’t have the immune power to fight off a cold so it turned into an infection. Apparently he’d had it for 6 months, they couldn’t operate on him until he was stronger). He feels pain; he tells when he’s reached his limit, but I don’t think I’ve heard him complain about it. If anything it annoys him but that just fuels his . . .

3. Determination. He works really hard to do the things he can do instead of focusing on what he can’t. His favorite phrase . . .”I’m sick, I’m not dying”.

4. Gratitude. He tends to be thankful, for everything. Even when he’s had a painfully bad day he finds things to be grateful for- our family, our friends, the brothers and sisters at Livingston that send us gift cards for groceries and medicine. He’s so grateful to me. Taking care of him feels so natural that I can’t imagine doing anything differently. Even when I’m grouchy and tired and annoyed that I’m literally doing the majority of the work he’s so sweet and grateful that I can’t resent any of it. He calls me God’s precious gift. Before he falls asleep he says,
“Babe, I love you, I’ll see you tomorrow. And if not, it’s been great, thanks for everything”

How cheesy was all that. He’s not perfect; don’t let me give you the wrong impression. It seems to be physically impossible for him to put a used dish in the dishwasher claiming to be unable to judge whether the machine contains clean or dirty dishes. BUT I love that when he’s tested, when life is hard and painful, it seems to be fruits of the spirit that get squeezed out because that what is within.