Things went well with telling my mom, her new found strength in the Lord is so amazing. When I told her she said, "we need to pray". Later she told me that it was a great help that she was not alone when she got the news. "Two are better than one...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken".We take my brother to the oncologist on Fri. At first he did not want me to tell my mom, but he said I could do what ever I felt was best. Now, I think he is relieved it is out in the open and he can talk about it. He has no other family but his mom and sisters.

Working on my self denial is a daily battle, but with God as my strength most days I am not failing. Different times in my life I would momentarily hope that I could know what would happen in the near future, as if that makes today any easier, but I know what I must do is glorify God each day no matter what direction things go in.

Lord sure has blessed me with alot of "highs" in life but right now there are alot of challenges, guess I will be doing alot of growing over the next few months. Talked with my brother today and he told me the doctor gave him three months to live, pancreatic cancer that has metaticized. Tomorrow I must go to my moms and tell her the news. My sister questioned, but what if she has a heart attack, I pondered this and then told her, "mom is a christian now, if the news killed her she would go to be with the Lord, eternal peace and joy and she would not have to watch her son die of cancer" hmmm. All things work together for the good for those that Love the Lord.

My husband has alot of difficult decisions to make right now, I realized that he cannot lead unless I truly follow, and I cannot follow when I am not willing to deny myself, hmmm painful sometimes but I sure know that I must trust in the Lord and his ways.

Seven years ago today my sister died. It still hurts. Lately I have been thinking of how I wish time would just fast forward through all the hard stuff in life and jump in at the part where everything works out (presuming it does) but tonight I realized if that happened I would skip the part (the trials) that gives me strength, wisdom, and patience. Our God is so good, giving us everything pertaining to life and Godliness. YES, that means all the hard stuff. Onward and upward

Today there is alot of talk about the mentally ill due to the recent tragedies that have occured. In 2005 I came face to face with this challenge. I made many mistakes and yes would do things differently, but due to some guidance that I got from a sister who had also had to face this challenge I have some good memories.
Would any of us deny there is such a disease as alzheimers? Would any of us expect someone with alzheimers to "staighten up" or would we be compassionate and understand they are not accountable for their behaviors? There are, unfortunately, many diseases of the brain besides alzheimers that can affect our loved ones, like manic depression, paranoid schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder, and many more, There are sicknesses that can cause for example paranoid schizophrenia; hyper thyroid, celiac disease, huntingtons disease, and many more. It is important to understand this as I don't think there is a more abandoned people in our society than the mentally ill. Why do they make us soooo uncomfortable? Perhaps because it makes us feel so vulnerable.
In 2005, my sister, best friend, sister in christ, as she would say " soul mate " became suddenly a paranoid schizophrenic. No history of mental illness, strong family and support stystems. For two years we tried to fight the disease until she finally succombed and took her life in an attempt in her mind to save those she loved. During that time many that were her support systems fled from her. I had people tell me, "your sister has been my support for twenty years, I can't stand to see her this way" So they wouldn't come around. Husbands who wouldn't let their wives visit , for which reason I never understood.
One day I took her to the Dr. Trying to find a new PCP, and the Dr. Turned to me and said, "Do you hear how your sister talks to me?" (She was repeating herself) The Dr. Then said "I can't take her as a patient, my life is too busy for someone like her, I have children" My sister turned to her and said, "i don't know why I talk this way I can't control it sometimes, please help me". Just an example of one of many of our journeys that we left with no help.
Why am I writing this? Do you know somone who is mentally ill? Let me share with you the advice the dear sister gave me

give them a hug, don't pull away, they need you

Hard to believe that a year has nearly past since my mom has become my sister in christ, the day she got baptized she came up out of the water and said ,"I am a new creature" and that she has been. Every week without fail she comes to worship. We sing together, pray together, study together. I can share with her my deepest concerns about what matters to me the most , his kingdom and his work, and she understands. My brother is currently gravely ill, and she shared her faith with him and told him of the peace she now has in her life. The same truth that once divided us and caused such pain in our relationship, now unites us. God is great!