06/05/10 1:05AM

I want to paint my face with earth
dive in deep waters
and forage new paths

Taste the smoke of a fire
inhale the clouds in the sky
and feel the shivering rush
as the wind kisses my skin




Planning.

at 05/01/10 5:43AM
I am a planner.

I like to research, document, and implement new ideas. I like to consider all aspects of a plan before delivering.

I wasn't always this way.... I used to be a very spontaneous person, going where the wind was blowing at any given moment. And I think this has contributed to my current state.

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to my new flaw:

Living in the future.


I haven't announced this to the Pleo world yet.... but much to Hammond joy, both my lovely Maid of Honor and Colin's Best Man's wife are pregnant. This is such a beautiful time for them, and watching them grow and delight over their pregnancies has been such a wonderful experience. And to top it all off, they're due the SAME DAY. Craziness!

I hope this doesn't make me into a bad person, but I almost feel the need to say it.... to confess in some weird way. I'm not jealous of them, per se, but I definitely have those biological tik toks in the back of my mind, saying, "Auuuubreeeey..... whyyyy aren't you having a baaaabyyy, like both of your best frieeeends.....?"

Whatta creeper, right?! "Go away, biological urges! I'm not ready for you yet!"


I suppose the other issue that has me all guilt-ridden is that we haven't bought a house yet. I definitely don't want to settle down in Bowling Green.... no offense to those who have or plan to stay. It's a nice town.... just not the place we want to be, so we decided that renting would be the much more advantageous option. But... I see those around us getting settled into houses, making them their own by painting, decorating, and general nesting.... and I just keep telling myself not to do these things, because after that year's lease is up, we're outta here.

There are many things I enjoy about this season of my life. I love being able to spend time with my husband. One of our favorite things to say to each other is "It's too bad we never have any fun together....". Sarcastically meant, of course. We really do have a blast, and entertain each other better than anyone else could. But.... I wonder if my constant worrying and planning for the future takes away from how pleasant and happy things can be now?

General discontent due to the things I "think" I should have, or the things I "think" I should've accomplished by now, seems to be the problem.




So the question of the hour is, my fellow 'Nasters: How do you combat 'The Creeper' in your mind that tells you that you aren't where you're supposed to be?
  • celticgirl1787
    Aubrey, this a good entry. I've had that little voice in my head that's kind of like: "all your friends are having babies - wouldn't it be nice for you to have one too so they can all grow up together and go to college together and get married to each other". But I say "no!!" I guess I combat it with the fact that I enjoy life now the way it is - and I'm making plans to do more fun things with my husband that just wouldn't be as fun having to carry a baby, diaper bag, toys, kangaroo seat, stroller, and playpen all while being covered in vomit :). Maybe I could say - I give my self the "reality treatment" haha. Its okay to live my own life at my own pace and not be keeping up the Joneses.
    by celticgirl1787 at 05/01/10 2:47PM
  • spinningbee
    Everytime I want a baby it's because one of my friends is having one. It's like a social thing. I have to remind myself that it's the right time to have a baby when it doesn't have anything to do with other people having them. :) But I know what you mean. When you see the excitement and joy in your best friend's faces - you want a taste of that in your own life as well. You'll know when the right time comes!!
    by spinningbee at 05/05/10 12:06PM
  • celticgirl1787
    Yay - I'm not the only one who got teary-feeling haha.
    by celticgirl1787 at 05/20/10 6:33PM
  • thatonegirl
    Thanks, Aubrey. :') I needed that!
    by thatonegirl at 07/29/10 11:39AM

25.

at 02/26/10 7:18AM
Turning 25 today. Surreal. I remember thinking that Colin was old when I married him.... and now I'm HIS age... or at least the age he was, if that makes any sense. :D
  • mischief_mayhem_soap
    Happy Birthday!!
    by mischief_mayhem_soap at 02/26/10 7:36AM
  • desi
    Happy Birthday!! I'll be crossing that 25 line in a few months, too :)
    by desi at 02/26/10 8:57AM
  • farmer
    Happy Birthday Aubrey!!! Hope you're feeling better.
    by farmer at 02/26/10 12:39PM
  • celticgirl1787
    Happy birthday, Aubrey. May you have a very bright year ahead :).
    by celticgirl1787 at 02/26/10 12:55PM
  • firebolt
    Happy Birthday!!! :D
    by firebolt at 02/26/10 9:26PM
  • thatonegirl
    heehee.... I know the feeling. "23" just sounds so much older than "22"... ;)
    by thatonegirl at 03/03/10 10:20AM
  • sunshinelove05
    Fellow Quarter Centurian,
    I also dearly love Doctor Doolittle! Those books, especially the versions with illustrations, are treasures. I always look for them at used bookstores but haven't found any copies yet. :) Happy reading!
    Lauren
    P.S. I have been known to hug books.
    by sunshinelove05 at 03/22/10 5:26PM
  • babyelephant
    You can! There are all these great websites to link up nannies to families. The one that worked for me is called care.com
    by babyelephant at 03/24/10 12:14PM
  • celticgirl1787
    I agree that I'm not sure that I'll go so far as to say the government is getting into your family by way of offering marriage counseling.

    But I don't think this healthcare is going to be very good - the government can't afford it already and a lot of the things its trying to do in the bill are not good. The end of life counsel stuff is scary. I don't want to be told at 65 if I have cancer - oh you're old, we're short on money, we think you should go to end of life counseling instead of burdening the population with the cost of your care - there are people younger than you to treat that have more years of service that they could offer if cured.

    The principle of socialized medicine is not constitutional - its not the government's job to provide healthcare - this is a capitalist country, not socialist or communist. If its justified by some to socialize this, what's next? The way this bill was passed was stealthy and backward and doesn't express the desire of the majority of the country (a cnn pole lasting 3 days, including the day the bill passed, showed 59% of people opposed it) - what happened to representation? The taxes on small businesses with regards to this healthcare are going to hurt them. The fact that even non-citizen residents of the United States will be covered is just wrong. And the government healthcare covering abortions is sick.

    Right now my grandfather in Ireland is on national healthcare there and has battled cancer a couple of times for a few years - he has had to wait for treatments and surgeries and has been sent home with post surgical stuff (like catheter) for long periods of time, getting an infection, before the hospital has time and space to remove them. Partial, patchy treatment - that's not the kind of care that I want.

    But you're absolutely right that we need to trust God. He will always take care of us and that is comforting :).
    by celticgirl1787 at 03/31/10 8:40AM
  • darrendehut
    Actually, something people may not know is that the bill that was passed explicitly states that government money is not to be spent on abortions. That was a major issue for a lot of people, and so the bill reflects that desire and is not allowing it to happen. I think that many people have not taken the time to read over what this bill is actually changing, and jump to conclusions regarding abortion, immigrants, "end of life council", etc.
    by darrendehut at 03/31/10 6:33PM
  • aubrey_leigh
    As far as illegal immigrants being covered, that's just plain false. It's outlined explicitly that only taxpaying citizens and children of those taxpayers will receive care. Those who are currently on Welfare or receive unemployment are registered citizens of the United States.

    Also, the other beauty of the bill is the fact that you will obviously still have the choice to go with private insurance companies. Nobody is forcing anyone into government healthcare. If you prefer to go with a private insurance company, you are still welcome to do so. This is just offering another option, especially for those who were prevented from receiving care due to "pre-existing conditions".
    by aubrey_leigh at 03/31/10 7:00PM

2010.

at 01/04/10 12:18AM
Inevitably, floods of posts on resolutions and changes come through this time of year.

I looked through my posts in the last year, which were actually quite scarce. It has flown by for us, and I almost feel a sense of loss for 2009, and what I wish it could have been.

So much time was spent working, and recovering/preparing for work. I feel like my home life was always secondary to things going on at work.... holidays came and went without much thought, seasons without adventure, and hardly anything disrupted the routine. However, I must say that I've never worked so hard in all my life. I gave everything I had to my job this year, which I can say I'd never tried before. I did grow as a person, and become aware of many talents that I didn't know I possessed due to wonderful people around me.

So I leave 2009 behind with unfortunate regrets, but thankful for the blessings as well.


As cliche as it is to post New Year's Resolutions for the world to see, it is almost cathartic to tell those around you, "Hey, I know I made mistakes this past year. Here's what I'm going to do to change that." Because whether or not you and I would consider ourselves close friends, best friends, mere acquaintances, or brothers and sisters in Christ, we observe each other's behaviors and feelings via Pleonast, and either reserve or unleash our judgements over time, developing our opinions about one another privately.

Publicly, I aim to tell the world that these are things I hope to change this year:


I am resolved to:

*Stop stressing about work. Work, by definition, is just a way for me to pay my bills. When life revolves around work, a new profession needs to be found.

*Along the same vein, start putting home life first. Plan fun activities and focus primarily on our life outside of work while still being responsible.

*Spend more time in nature. I love God's creation so very much, and enjoy soaking up sunshine, the changing seasons, and breathing deep gulps of fresh air.

*As I'm going back to school for English Literature, I'd like to prove to myself my ability to stay focused and maintain excellent grades. I've done it before... I can do it again!

*Go almost completely organic. After watching FOOD INC. , I've realized just how much our food is affected by marketing and manufacturing. While I'm not sure I plan to go vegetarian, I would like to make sure my fresh food is grown in a way that is safe for human consumption, and the meat I choose to eat has been brought to me in a way that is relatively humane and safe. Try to cut processed food out of our diet, and cook the majority of our meals at home.

*Take a walk everyday. As mentioned above, nature makes me feel closer to God, and fresh air rejuvinates and revitalizes my spirit. It will also help the Hammonds to stay heart healthy.

*Cut back on carbonated beverages and caffiene. There's not a single health benefit that comes from drinking your calories, or even Diet Soda, which is filled with useless chemicals. Drink more water or Decaf tea.

*Save money. Literally since last January, there has not been a single month where we weren't living from paycheck to paycheck, which just made both of us stressed and irritable. Since we're living with a roommate this year, take advantage of extra funds by tucking away money each month. Eventually, we'd like to purchase our own home, and by using this time wisely, we can hopefully build up a nice nest egg for a down payment.


These are not extreme resolutions. In fact, I hesitate to call them "resolutions", because they are merely things that must be done. I need to take better care of myself this year mentally and physically.

Another thing I noticed when looking back at my Facebook statuses and Pleonast posts is that I've changed into this rather moody and pessimistic person I'd never been before. I think that increasing my time outside in the sunshine and taking time to build up our home life will really make my general outlook much more positive, as well as getting my degree, which will open doors to new possibilities in the job market.



What are you resolved to do this year? How do you plan on keeping these resolutions in the forefront of your mind?


  • babyelephant
    Really good goals, Aubrey! We're trying to get in a position to be able to make a down payment too. Good luck!
    by babyelephant at 01/04/10 11:39AM
  • amy_szabo
    I love this post more than I can tell you and for one specific sentence: "So I leave 2009 behind with unfortunate regrets, but thankful for the blessings as well."

    I have thought a lot about resolutions (I guess in a stronger sense I could call it repentance) and the role that regret should have on them. There are so many celebrity interviews that end with the star saying something like, "I have no regrets in my life. This was the path that brought me here." And while I agree that we should always be grateful for the lessons God has blessed us with, regret is the necessary catalyst for repentance and change. I think to live a life where we are afraid to feel regret is a life where we refuse to learn from God's gift of free will.

    I especially love that these changes you want to make in your life have everything to do with working from the inside out and nothing to do with cultivating vain pursuits. You completely inspired me today!!!
    by amy_szabo at 01/05/10 11:27PM
  • celticgirl1787
    Oh, Aubrey, thank you for sharing this. I feel encouraged to keep home life 1st and to take better care of myself. I want a marriage that stays happy and healthy - that won't happen when jobs come first. Fun, carefree time is necessary :).
    I've been trying to go more toward organic/naturally grown things over the past couple of months and I like it. I can tell a big difference in things like eggs and milk - so much better tasting!! I'd like to expand my organic grocery list though.
    by celticgirl1787 at 01/06/10 6:17PM
  • mischief_mayhem_soap
    I think I have mostly the same resolutions as you. Only you have managed to put them into words much better than I. I'm especially going to focus on spending time outside - its crazy what a difference it makes in my attitude when I'm getting enough time in the sun and rain.
    by mischief_mayhem_soap at 01/08/10 1:01PM
  • el_magnifico
    Zombieland is easily in my top 5. Julie and Julia was good. I enjoyed it and was really impressed with Streep as Julia Child.
    by el_magnifico at 02/23/10 5:53PM
  • fullofgrace

    by fullofgrace at 03/20/10 12:24PM

12/18/09 3:28AM

*
Still a lot going on. That's all I'll say on that for the moment.

Pending our application, we've found a beautiful townhouse in Bowling Green.... and boy, let me just articulate how joyful we feel to find a place IN TOWN! We've loved living in the country this past year, but extremely slow internet, no cable, and 1 hour+ travel time each day makes for a frustrated Colin!

We've been living with one of our closest friends... close enough to call her family. We've worked with her for the last year at Perot, and she's going through a tough time at home, so we've opened our home to her. She'll be moving in with us at our place in Bowling Green. It's a beautiful 3 bed, 2.5 bath with TONS of space.... and a Master Bedroom that's twice the size of our current one.... with a walk-in closet.

I covet your prayers on this matter. This place is a great price, a perfect location, and has all the space we need. Please pray that our application goes through!



-----------------------------------------------

I must say that I've enjoyed the car trips back and forth from Smiths Grove to BG. The beauty out in the country connects me with God in ways that the city life just can't. During the Fall this year, the leaves were molten gold and amber. During the Winter, the frost has been an intricate mix of sugar and lace. My heart fills up when the seasons display their splendor! If only it would snow before Christmas.... being a baby of Michigan and northern Illinois, snow during this time of year just makes things complete!


------------------------------------------------

I cannot believe that it's been over a year since we started at Perot. We'll officially be acquired by Dell on January 1st, which brings many questions, but probably more answers.

Over the past year, I've learned a lot about myself. I'm becoming a more well-rounded woman, and I'm starting to understand my own potential a bit more. My leadership has had *so* much faith in me, and have promoted me to more and more responsibility as time passed. What ended up surprising me was the fact that I not only met their expectations, I exceeded them by leaps and bounds. I honestly never thought I'd be the type to receive "Employee of the Month"-type awards, but I guess I have the capability to be that person.

I also learned that I desire to be a leader. I love leading by example, helping my team to meet and exceed expectations, and moving in a general upward direction. My job and my leadership have taken me in directions I never thought possible, and I've learned what it takes to be a successful leader. I think that this newfound boost in self awareness and self confidence makes it the perfect time for me to go back to school.... I'm ecstatic! :)


-------------------------------------------------

Christmas is a week away.... *(brain explodes)*. How did it creep up on me like this? No presents bought, no cookies made. And this literally is my favorite time of year.... what a bummer.

However, Colin just got back from lunch at Kroger.... and he bought me new Cookie Cutters. I feel a baking episode coming on! 3






To those of you who celebrate it, Merry Christmas. And to those of you who choose not to observe it secularly or spiritually, I hope you get the chance to spend some time with your loved ones over the break!





  • farmer
    Merry Christmas Aubrey!!! I want snow too.
    by farmer at 12/18/09 10:17AM
  • TheMrsCrabtree
    i love you i miss you and i want to see you...that's my christmas wish so you should make it come true :)
    by TheMrsCrabtree at 12/19/09 2:09PM
  • TheMrsCrabtree
    we'll be here until the 30th, then we're driving down to Florida...when will you guys be up?
    by TheMrsCrabtree at 12/20/09 10:18PM
  • celticgirl1787
    Congrats on a new place in a much better location :). God certainly answers prayers.
    by celticgirl1787 at 12/30/09 4:34PM
  • babyelephant
    Right, and I think there is a big difference between killing an animal, and abusing an animal....and, like you said, sometimes the bad treatment, drugs, etc to those animals results in terrible health risks for us too. Though, I've heard that some organic farms are cruel to their animals too. We like doing organic fruits and veggies sometimes, but we haven't completely gone that way. It can be really expensive...but other times it's not much more at all.
    by babyelephant at 01/03/10 8:01PM