You know, I think it's important to keep perspective on what really matters in the event of a nuclear holocaust.

At the end of my Surviving Britain segment regarding the Weather I advertised future episodes about dental hygiene and Britain's lack of guns... well, I never intended to write an actual post on those issues, but since saying it I've had literally one person ask if I was actually gonna write on one of those issues. With interest that high among my readership (almost 50%) I feel I have no choice but to appease that fan! So hear it is, your guide to surviving in a country with pretty much no firearms!


As most of you know, I've spent a lot of time in America. I've been on several holidays and lived there for almost two years. So I like to think of myself as someone who knows the ins and outs of two very different cultures; those being, of course, British and American culture. And if there's one thing that stands out to me as the biggest difference in the day to day lives of Brits and Yanks, it's gun ownership.

In America, guns are everywhere! I mean EVERYWHERE!! In my short time at Florida College I personally witnessed no fewer than 11 shootouts and 15 pistol-duels. Guns seemed to be on sale in pretty much every store... from Wal-Mart to gas stations. Even McDonalds gave away a small automatic weapon with every happy meal.
In Britain, however, it couldn't be more different. Most people over here don't even know what gunpowder is. No one is allowed to own a firearm in any shape, size, or form*. Our police don't carry guns, and in the great tradition of British 'fair play', our criminals obligingly agree to also not carry guns (opting to use crossbows and javelins instead). Not even our Army is permitted to use firearms. If caught in a firefight, our soldiers are trained to use rude hand gestures and harsh language (if words fail to hurt them, however, our troops are authorized to use sticks and stones to break their bones).

So, as a red-blooded, gun-toting American, visiting an unarmed country like mine could prove to be a strange experience. Well, worry not! I've prepared a handy little FAQ for this very purpose!
It's your one stop troubleshooting guide you (probably) won't find anywhere else!!

Q: Does Britain 'really' not allow guns?
A: Yes, really.

Q: Not even small ones?
A: Not even small ones.

Q: Seriously???
A: Let's move on shall we...

Q: I swear I saw a man in London with a gun.. he was outside Buckingham Palace with a tall fuzzy hat. Was I imagining that??
A: Yes.

Q: What do I do if I'm attacked by a gunman?
A: You run away.

Q: What if I have no where to run too?
A: You get shot. Sorry.

Q: That's no help at all!
A: That's not a question.

Q: Do you actually have any useful advice of what I should do if I'm attacked by a gunman??
A: Well, you could point your fingers at him and shout "bang!"

Q: I asked for USEFUL advice.
A: Oh... then no.

Q: Gun control really sucks.
A: Yes. Yes it does.


And there we have it. I'm sure the future tourists among you feel safer already! :)



* The government made an exception for me since I'm half American. Which means I'm probably the most powerful man in the country. Yay!

Back by popular demand, my Artsmuse Pleo page is now up and running again!


Hooray!


Okay, so I haven't updated for about 2 months now (that's like, a sixth of a year! duuude...) anyway, that means there's about 2 months worth of stuff that's happened to me that I've shamefully failed to report on!!
I now have two options that present themselves to me; I can either write a 5,000 word essay taking y'all through my last couple of months, step by step, in painstaking detail... OR, I can be a no-good lazy bum and bullet point the whole thing.

So without further ado, I proudly present to you blah, blah, blah, here are the bullet points:


- Came home from that barbaric country in the north.
- Had an awesome visit from my buddy from that barbaric country in the west.
- We had many exciting adventures! Including: The British Museum, London Eye (at night), Madame Tussauds, a big country mansion, a crazed dog, Buckingham Palace, and various other stuff.
- Celebrated Christmas.
- Celebrated the New Year. * - Visited that barbaric country to the north-west, and had more exciting adventures.
- erm...
- Wow, not much else had happened.
- This is kind of sad.
- ...
- I'll stop here I think.


...and people wonder why I don't update daily :p


So, moving swiftly on from my lack of news, I'll now explain the title of this post, which I have no doubt has been driving you all insane with trying to figure out what it means... Today, my friends, is a red-letter ** day! For today is Shrove Tuesday!!
Shrove Tuesday is not unlike Shrove Monday, except it's on a Tuesday. And you actually do stuff on it. Shrove Tuesday, un-coincidently, is also the day before Ash Wednesday, which is the day that marks the beginning of Lent (y'all with me so far?).

My many, many, Catholic readers all know what Lent is already, but for the few Protestants among you I'll quickly explain: it's the 40 day period before Easter where you give up something you really like (meat, chocolate, PlayStation, etc...) as a kind of self test thingy. I, personally, shall be giving up Gansta Rap to honour the occasion.

Anyway, Shrove Tuesday was invented as a way to make those 40 days slightly more bearable by having a day dedicated to good old fashioned excess and decadence :) It's basically meant to be one huge party with the local Church Confessionals open all night (you may know this holiday as 'Mardi Gras').
That is, of course, if the country you live in happens to be fun. If you happen to live in England however, Mardi Gras is replaced by.... you guessed it.... Pancake Day!!! Which is every bit as thrilling as it sounds!!

The festivities of Pancake Day are many and varied, and include:

- The cooking of pancakes.
- The eating of pancakes.

We aren't the World's Official Party Capital for nothing you know!!


So there have it.. an update on my life AND an education into one of England's proudest traditions!


Brit Band of the Day: British Sea Power. Saw them live in Belfast :)
Top Songs: Please Stand Up, Atom, Remember Me.


* As my last New Years resolution to take over Denmark didn't really work out, I've decided to set a slightly more realistic goal this year: The conquest of Sealand!

** Where on earth does that phrase come from???

For thousands of years human kind has struggled with the concept of race, culture, and national identity. Or more specifically, which one is better.
Wars have been fought over it... terrible atrocities have been committed because of it... racism still prevails all over the world... the question, however, remains unanswered.

Is it possible for one race to be superior to all others? Or indeed, inferior?

Many would argue (and I'd usually be inclined to agree) that no, there is no race that could be considered a lesser race than all others...

But then one normally awesome country (ninjas anyone?) goes and creates something like this and this!

I just don't know what to think anymore...

First of all, I hope all my American buddies had a Grade-A, top choice, Thanksgiving :) with much food, fun, and weight gain. Gotta say, I really enjoyed it when I was over in Alabama last year! Never knew that casseroles could be so varied and have so many bizarre things in them... they are truly the Swiss army knives of food...

Anyway, as y'all know, we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in this country, thus we get no holiday for it. This makes me sad. So, to make up for it, I took a break and went home anyway!
But what's a makeshift Thanksgiving break without Americans? So I got one of them too!
All that was needed to make it a real Thanksgiving now was turkey, casseroles, Football, and at least 4 generations worth of relatives... so I made do without a real Thanksgiving. But aw well... it was fun anyway!

Before Crystal came she informed me that not only was this going to be her first time in England but her first time anywhere outside the states! So London had a lot to live up to! If she didn't like it, she may never go abroad again... and that would be sad!!
Here's a quick rundown of what wonderful London sights we saw (in order):

- Trafalgar Square
- The National Gallery
- The Houses of Parliament
- Big Ben
- Went on the London Eye ---- my first time at
- Buckingham Palace --------- these sites an all
- The British Museum

All in all, got a lot covered! Add on to all that the famous English countryside, quaint village houses, and weather and it was a pretty good picture of my merry land.
Good trip I feel :)

Now, can the success be repeated with Miss Saltz? We shall see! But I'm quietly confident...


So now I'm back in jolly old Scotland. The only thing I've done since getting back would be downloading that free* Radiohead album, 'In Rainbows'. Now I'm not a big Radiohead fan but I figured it had gotten great reviews, everyone goes on about how great they are, and again, it's free!** So, why not?
Well, gotta say, it was a decent album. Still not a big Radiohead fan and will never understand why critics think the sun shines out of 'em, but still. Best nothing*** I ever spent!


And on that note, I shall end this post how I started; I hope everyone had a great holiday! :)


Brit Band of the Day: Radiohead (hands up everyone who didn't see that coming).
Top Songs: Fake Plastic Trees, Creep, No Surprises.


* Not actually free. There was a £1.00 d/l charge and a random 45p charge for something or other.

** Again, not actually free.

*** Seriously, why do they say it costs nothing when it clearly cost something?!