I'm only biding my time...

I've decided to end my days in politics. Life isn't fair; that's what Tipper always tells me when I come home upset. Now I see better than ever that it's true. First I had the 2000 election stolen from me, and now I lost despite being the noblest and hardest worker of all the candidates. Well, at least I can't blame myself for my loss.

So, I have decided to pursue a new career. What is that career? Well, I don't know yet. I'm still checking the classifieds. But I do plan to maintain my side job as freelance Pleo consultant, i. e., I'll always be there to give you sound, intelligent advice, even when you don't realize you need it!

Hey everyone. Did you miss me? I'm still here. I lost the election. That cheaterface Obama stole it from me. But its OK. That was only...my life's sole purpose.

It's OK, really. But now that I'm not the president (again), I need a new goal in my life. A new purpose.

Any ideas?

GET OUT AND VOTE!!! FOR ME!!! VOTE FOR GORE!!! NOW!!!!!! OR I'LL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND DO THIS:

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHGHH!!!!!!!

We live in a troubling time. Banks are falling, stocks are sinking, CEOS are crying for their mummies, and now good King George has spent $700 billion so that everyone can own these worthless mortgages! And in the midst of it all, it's easy to forget the common person, unless you're Al Gore (me), who always keeps his eye on the common person, except when they're in the shower, because I have propriety. I know too many families who are hit hard by this, who are wondering just how they're going to pay for their baby's new diaper.

I know there are now a lot of people wondering who can lead us out of this mess. Those of you who frequent my blog already know that answer.

When I was young, I spent many Saturday mornings with my mother at the stock market. She and I would ride the carriage to the market, all the while singing

To market, to market
To buy a fat stock
Home again, home again
Jiggity Jock!
Once there, we would make a good round of the market, and wouldn't leave until we'd found the ripest, fattest stock, and then we'd haggle with the toothless old man at the booth until he dropped the price from one and three pence to one and two pence, and then we would take the stock and load it up and ride home, singing merrily!

Ah, how times have changed. Now stocks are traded all over the place, not just in New York. They're even traded online, where thanks to the magic of the internet (ahem, you're welcome) you can have your stock digitally transferred into your own refrigerator!

But the problem came when people decided they could start buying stuff, like houses, even when they didn't have any money to do it. Now, I've been around Washington enough to know that only works when it's the government doing it, but when private citizens try to do it, it always spells DISTASTERR.

Now, the only way out is for the government to spend more money it doesn't have, and hopefully that will fix things. I'm surprised that BOTH Obama and McCain have proposed to do just that. You'd think they were in the same party. But, I want to tell you, that neither one of them can do what I can do, that is, spend billions more dollars and be Al Gore at the same time! And that is precisely why you should vote for me!

You can take that to the bank.