ok, where were we? oh right, i was writing a mediocre pleo entry. (problem solved). i don't know exactly who to blame for this, but it now costs me over $50 to fill my tank. i'm gonna go ahead and blame ford. and the detroit red wings, while i'm at it...
but lets focus on the positive, kids. i ate eggs benedict for the first time a couple weeks ago. i'm sure i've had opportunity to eat them before, but i guess i just always felt under-dressed. honest to blog, it was one of the most pleasurable experiences of my life. i'm kind of a breakfast guy.
lets see...other firsts. oh, i was electrocuted for the first time recently. (not so pleasurable). and even as i use the word "electrocute", i understand that i am mis-using it. you see, "electrocution" requires death. i had no idea until i looked it up on the interweb after being "electrically shocked". i was gonna research how to avoid future electric shock, but i got distracted by the chronicles of narnia trailer. besides, my dad is an electrician so i'm probably covered?
i dunno. i hope this makes up for the previous fourth installment. you know, if alien: resurrection could have been erased from people's violated minds and re-filmed, alien vs. predator (AVP) might have never happened. but then again, it might have happened anyways. i think we can all take a lesson from that.
A 79 year old man just told me a dirty joke. It involved Rosie O'Donnell in a thong. It was kinda scary. Glad you were electrically shocked rather than electrocuted. If you want to relive the experience you are welcome to install light fixtures at my house.
three entries. on the screen. its a milestone, kids. and i hate to say it, but i don't know how much longer i can keep this up. look, its not that i don't trust people.
ok, it is. it is that i don't trust people. and all these personal thoughts--these aphoristic musings--right there in black and white, with nary a password or a data-encryption. i mean, i guess i could pay the dues and get the gold, right? then only those on my exclusive "friends" list could read my thoughts...
at first the very idea was a travesty. and a sham. and a mockery. it was a traveshamockery. but the more i think about it, the better it sounds. i mean, if i have to read
2nd Coming Can Be Today
one more time, i'm gonna punch my computer screen in the face. right? all you goldmembers (and non-goldmembers) out there, feel free to chime in. is a gold membership all its cracked up to be? is it not all its not cracked up to be? what about, will the new m. night shyamalan film suck?
I love my gold. Private entries, private comments. It's lovely.
The more camera time M. works his own face into, the worse the movie. I mean, he has a pretty face and all, but when he's in the movie, he focuses more on his role than the plot.
In my personal opinion, only people who participate in shady dealings have "private" comments to make. Also in my personal opinion, M. Night rocks and none of his movies ever suck. Except I was disappointed in what the aliens looked like in "Signs".
I'm listening to The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz, and it's amazing. (And obscene and profane- don't say I didn't warn you.)
If you like non-fiction, here are two you could try: The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World by Eric Weiner and The Age of American Unreason by Susan Jacoby. Those are two I'm looking forward to reading.
i went clothes shopping on saturday. 3 shirts, 3 pairs of pants, 9 pairs of socks. if i count the socks as 1 item, then 5 of the 7 items i bought do not fit. thats 71 percent. or, a 29 percent rate of success.
lets do the math on this:
3 (pairs of pants) + 3 (shirts) x 4 (number of stores visited) / 17 (average number of people standing in line to try on clothes at each store) x -2 (my willingness to stand in line with those people) - 270 (dollars spent) / (the square root of) 3 (hours spent shopping) x 29 (percent of items that fit correctly once purchased) = x
where x is the overall success of the shopping trip
x = i hate clothes shopping with the fire of a thousand suns
its 8:45 pm and i've got my window open. there's like a nice cool breeze wafting in from outside. it smells like rain and freedom. its also monday night and i'm not at the gym. holy smokes, i don't know what to do with myself. guess i'll write a pleo.
i'm not gonna front, kids. i don't like the tornado sirens. they probably scare me more than the ebola virus. they probably scare me more than tornadoes.
someone asked me one time what my biggest fear was. i said it was public speaking. and fire. it was kind of ironic, because at the time i was actually sitting around a campfire with a whole bunch of people. but i wasn't scared. fear is strange like that.
while driving home last night, i started thinking about what would happen if i ever was involved in an altercation with another driver. i realized that the only weapon i could use would be the plastic ice scraper behind my seat. then i tried real hard to think of a better weapon, but i couldn't. so...i guess i'm all set.
can someone tell me why the verizon store smells so janky*?
*jan-ky adj [junky + skanky] 1 : undesirable, intensely repellent or unpleasant, esp. a person "PEOPLE ON REALITY TV ARE OFTEN JANKY" 2 : of inferior quality, worthless, not up to standards 3 : junky, dilapidated 4 : weird, inappropriate 5 : tacky, unstylish, badly put together -- janked up tacky, messy, out of control -- jank-ety in extreme disrepair, sorry state
used in a sentence: "do you smell her janky argyle socks?"
could you provide me with a good definition of janky? maybe i should get you some pepper spray, that way you will always be prepared to get someone if need be, it makes me feel better! :)
I appreciate your use of the word "janky". This word has just come into use in my own vocabularly. Personally, I think the shortened form rolls off the tongue better, ie, "Wow, the rain made my hair act jank today."
but, do you know who they are? the crazies do not like pepper spray, nope nope. what about a tazer? :) but, i do like that pointy hammer thing, but i am sure with your "guns" you will be just fine.
Hmm... I'll take you up on your offer to borrow The Kite Runner if you mean it. Can I also borrow your Office Season 3 DVDs? Maybe I'll have a "Guy's Media Weekend".
