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I'm learning a very hard lesson right now.
I'm a very all or nothing person... seize the day... determined... etc... Anyone who has ever been shopping/water skied/cleaned/played a game/etc with me realizes this. I'm big on things like tasks... And SOMETIMES (and by sometimes I mean all the time) when I look life boldly in the face to say "What's up life? We need to sort things out?" I end up running at life and tackling it, and then just pinning it to the ground... I'm pretty ridiculous sometimes. I'm very... um... thorough.
Lately I've found out that this doesn't work with some things. No matter how much you try to get some things in order... no matter how hard you try... no matter how hard you work at something... sometimes it just doesn't work out. Being me (the determined little booger I am), it seems like a huge slap in the face. Sometimes, though, you just have to give up on things. Letting it go is one of the hardest things I do... So I don't. Things always need to be solved/done/drawn out in my world. I like plans... I like execution... I like success. Sometimes, though, when you give up, it doesn't mean you've lost. It just means that you've realized that there are more important things to be spending your time and energy on.
I'm about to have to give up on something. It's so hard. It's so necessary, though. It's something that I'm very invested in, but that's not working out. It's not my fault. That's hard to realize, when I'm so invested. I'm going to be better than ok, though. I'm going to have so much to fill my mind and time. Even though this feels very personal, like a very personal defeat, I can get over it and accept that no matter what I do or say, nothing is going to change for the better.
What is about to get better is my ability to knit!!! I'm about to crack open my knitting kit and take an enthusiastic swing at it. Something productive to be determined about!!! WOO HOO!!!
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i have this macbook... i can never think of the term "macbook"... so... naturally... i call it my i-thing...
and my i-thing doesn't have word or any word processor... why did i buy an i-thing? it's taking some time to get used to it.
in other news, i bought pots today... and i'm going to watch last night's Colbert Report, now. |
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I haven't posted in forever... I've been socially very busy...
So... I'm in a tea room... I LOVE this place! It's a friend's place. Just great! Wonderful tea! I'm usually in here when it's pretty vacant, though... today it's not... I said snot, which leads me to my next point.
I'm tired of hearing people use big words is pseudo-intellectual settings. Why not talk about snot... People have to talk about Israel... If you aint' a Jew, it don't concern you!!! I ain't racist... religious-ist... this isn't the discrimination station... Wait... it is the discrimination station...
I would like to discriminate against public pseudo intellectuals... People should talk about real stuff... The guys next to me, who I'm discriminating against ABSOLUTELY... have said the following stupid and too big words in the past 30 seconds: phenomenology, obscurity, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (right?), "dismissal of the subject object" (what?!), equation, explicit, reconstructivism... which I can't even spell... along with a great deal of other words I can't spell... oh... realizabilities (NOT EVEN A WORD!!!)
It seems a lot to me like this game I played as a kid. I'd go into Wal-mart and act like I was speaking a different language... No one could understand me, which was the point... People were supposed to think I was exotic and interesting... But I wasn't fooling anyone... I was a blonde headed, blue eyed, little tall girl, saying more chings and chongs then an episode of Takishi's Castle...
Why can't we all just talk about snot and cooties... and use small words... and laugh at dirty jokes... we all do it when we're at home by ourselves anyway... I'm tired of people who want to portray themselves differently in public... but I guess I do the same to some degree... I just fight it SO HARD! I try to wear purple a lot... Purple is not a good color for me... it just doesn't fit...
That's all I've got... |
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