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The following is from a lady in Oregon . It is priceless!
The Bible as explained by kids - truth has been redefined!
One of our favorite jobs has been leading junior church.
We try to do more than baby-sit our church's beloved little
ankle-biters during their time in our special junior church
facility. We aim to give them a solid background In
biblical history. At the end of each year, we give them
pencils and paper And ask them to chronicle what they have
learned. This assignment never fails to elicit some
intriguing responses. In case you're a little foggy on
your biblical history, let our junior church students help
you with his complete overview of the Bible, compiled from
their essays:
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, Darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one,' but I Think He must be a lot
older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a Light!' and
someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam
and Made Eve.
Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed
because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed
God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden
of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long
as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died
off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million
or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good
guy, but one of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a
large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He
asked some other people to join him, but they said they
would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more
famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his
birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son
named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt
and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues
on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice,
bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with
manicotti. Then He gave them His top ten commandments.
These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's
bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for bottom that I'm not supposed to say.
But my Dad uses it sometimes when he talks about the President).
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first
Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of
Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a
giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who
had about 300 wives and 500 Porcupines. My teacher says he
was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed b y a big whale
and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some
minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry
about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is
the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in
a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my
mom is always saying to me, Close the door! Were you born
in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact,
I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve
opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so
evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man He healed many leopards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans
and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the
Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands
instead. Anyway's, Jesus died for our sins, then came back
To life again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at
the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book
of Revolution.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
of Church services when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its
valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38! " (Repent and be
baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may
be forgiven )
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the
police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the
burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did
was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
Remember, knowing scripture can save your life in more ways than one
If we could just be half the parent this man is God would be pleased. We sometimes over rate ourselves when with just a little more effort we could be a whole lot better.
A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?' The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'. They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together. One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman together.'
To which, his father said 'Yes' .
For those who didn't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island
Father and son went on to complete the race together. View this
it really is hard to say just what you are capable of doing when you love someone so much, especially your child. I understand just a little bit each day of how much the Lord loves us. I shall truly never fully comprehend though.
That clip is amazing. I am happy that son has a dad that is so committed to making him happy. It takes a special person to deal with that kind of thing.
