I guess I saw this all coming with the election and such. But I didn't realize how upset it would make me. It's not like I really even liked McCain that much. All is not lost, however, 'till the following scenario occurs:
Two cowboy types are discussing politics somewhere in Texas.
Cowboy 1: I tell you what, man, I think the redistribution of wealth is a mighty fine idea.
Cowboy 2: I look at my paycheck erry two weeks and cry, cuz they ain't takin' enough'a my money in Taxes.
Cowboy 1: Ya know, you swap two letters in Taxes and ya get Texas. I tell you what, man, Taxes must be a good idea.
Cowboy 2: Woooo doggies!
Cowboy 1: Yeah, man. Ya know, I bin thinkin' 'bout tradin' in my truck and gittin' me one'a them hybrids.
Cowboy 2: Dude, me too! I just found out yestaday 'bout some thing called "miles per gallon." Ye ever heard of that, man? And you know what else? I bin thinking 'bout gittin' rid'a my guns. 'Em things kill people!
Cowboy 1: Yeah, me too. And I don't really think I'm gonna be goin' bow huntin' much either. I don't think that there deer's feelin' so good when I shoot an arrow in 'im.
Etc.
Yes. When this happens, I'll have to move to Canada. But until then, are things really that bad? And yes, if you really want to, you can consider that I am almost maybe kinda sorta complimenting Texas culture :-).
So how about this. I propose a new diet. It's called the caned herring and Melba Toast diet. Throw in some coffee and bananas, and it's perfect for any grad student! I suppose you need to include the occasional snickers too. Mmmmmm. Good eatin'.
I think I need to talk to Susie about the "food" you have been eating...seems like it is against the Geneva Convention...being a prisoner at Tech must be rough.
Poor, poor herring. Tortured before being eaten. How sad to be beaten and then consumed. Unless, of course, you are talking about CANNED herring, in which case it's just fishy.
I know it's the middle of October now. You've all probably decided who you're going to vote for for president. But I ask you to consider a new alternative. A man who displays the kind of leadership so desperately needed in these trying time. Who might that be? Well, it's me. So here are my positions on “the issues.”
Health care:
Health care is a good thing. It's something every American family needs. But sadly, sometimes health care costs money. So what's the solution? We'll empower the consumer by giving each and every household in this great land a money printing press! The need for health insurance will be a thing of the past.
The Economy:
This will be a non-issue, once we all have the ability to print our own money.
The Environment:
We need clean energy now. I pledge 6, 890, 000,000,000 federal dollars for research on perpetual motion machines.
Education:
If elected president, I'll figure that you guys are smart enough that we won't have to worry about this one. But just in case, I'm going to make stupidity illegal.
Gun Control:
Guns should be illegal for anyone who was born in an even numbered year. Those people make up a large percentage of the criminals in the United States, and so they have no business whatsoever owning guns.
Vice President:
I choose Mr. T as my vice president.
So if you're tired of what the two main parties have to offer, vote for me! Sure I'm not eligible to be president for another 10 years. But, hey. I've still probably got as good a shot as Ralph Nader. And people vote for him, right?
